EDIT: My boss just gave me my last paycheck, and they paid me for the whole week, even though I'm only working 3 days! When I asked him about it, he said, "Just think of it as a parting gift." Aww! God is so good because I can really use the money, as this trip to Seattle is becoming more expensive by the minute. Praise the Lord!

It's finally come. My last day of work. I can't believe it, really. I looked forward to this day coming for so long and now it's here, and it's kind of weird. I've been training one of the guys in the warehouse to do my job, and it's been a bit of a challenge because I'm a control freak, so I end up wanting to just do everything myself because I know it'll be faster and better, but then how would he learn anything? It's not like I was Speedy Gonzales when I started, either, but I have a rose-colored memory, so I recall the quick way I figured everything out and never messed up. Riight. It's been a lesson in patience for me too because he has been slow in catching on, and I've had to correct some of his mistakes, but it's good because I really need to quit expecting people to live up to my standards. I don't even live up to my standards! I think it will also be something to remember when I'm grading freshman papers and wondering how these students passed third grade. Perspective, Erin, perspective.

I will be in Knoxville in less than a month. I am so ecstatic, but also a little trepidacious (I'm not sure that's a word, but it seems to work, so there). I love change, but at the same time I hate it because I have to get used to new surroundings and new people and new driving routes and everything. I think if I were to name my 3 biggest fears related to moving to Knoxville/starting grad school, they would be 1)That everyone will think I'm a big nerd and they won't like me; 2)That I will get an F on my first big paper and have a breakdown in front of my professor; and 3)That I'll be the dumbest one there. Of course these are incredibly illogical fears, but then most fears are, aren't they? Fear starts out with a semblance of reality, but then it balloons into a preposterous something that will more than likely never happen. Take the first fear, for example. There's no way everyone in the city of Knoxville will hate me (I already know Elizabeth and David like me); plus, I think it's safe to bet I won't be the only nerd either. I am going to be around English folk, and they can be pretty nerdy. (But in a very cool sort of way, of course.) As for my second fear, well, that one is a little more probable, but not so much so, as I've never even made a C on a paper before, so I'd hope to start there before moving straight to F, and I'd also like to think I have enough intelligence to at least make a D, not an F. The third fear? Well, I am going to hope that there is at least one person dumber than me in the English department, and if there's not I'll just pretend there is because I really couldn't stand to be the dumb one. Aren't I an arrogant piece of work? (And isn't it peculiar how one can be arrogant and yet terribly insecure at the same time? It's possible, you know. I'm proof of that.) I just have to remember what my favorite professor told me about grad school: "You're never as dumb as you think you are, and your grad school colleagues are never as smart as they would like you to think." Or something like that. I think there's a lot of truth to that. I imagine all of us first years will be trying to outsmart and outperform and out-think the rest, and I hope I can get past all of that and just focus on working hard, being myself, and reflecting Christ. Then the rest will take care of itself, wouldn't you say?

Now before I lose you all completely, I thought I'd give you all an idea of what my next few weeks are going to look like, as some of you have asked why in the world I'm quitting my job so early. So here's a timeline for you:

July 14-20: Seattle (to attend a wedding and visit one of my favorite people in the world-Emily Vassar!)
July 20 (evening)-22: Nashville (to visit another friend and attend the Kelly Clarkson concert-yippee skippy!)
July 23-24: At home briefly
July 25-30: In Panama City at Centrifuge with my church's youth group (I'm hoping Pananma City wasn't too ravaged by Dennis)
July 31-Aug.3: At home, packing in a frenzy, getting my haircut, having my vision checked
Aug. 4: Moving to Knoxville!

I imagine my posts will be a bit more sporadic, especially during youth camp, but try not to mourn too much. It isn't healthy.