2005 in Review

Since I'm a shameless follower, I'm going to take the lead of several others who have listed their favorite memories/highlights of the year. I was going to try and list one for each month, but really, my life's too boring. So here's a random list of the best of my year, or the most memorable (memorable after all doesn't always mean wonderful, but still worthy of noting):

1. Making my debut as a guitar player at BBC in January. It was my first live performance, and it probably will be my only live performance, not because I got booed off stage or anything (although that would have been understandable), but because I haven't picked up the guitar in months. That's pretty sad, actually. But I'm not here to list regrets of 2005, so moving on).

2. Applying to and being accepted to graduate school. This of course was a long and stressful process that fortunately had a positive outcome-UT was brave enough to accept me and pay me to go to school. (I won't dwell on the schools who weren't so brave. I'm not here to list the dumbest schools of 2005, either.)

3. Visiting my dearest friend in the world, Emily Vassar, in Seattle. I got to see one of my other friends get married while I was there, Em and I had lots of good girl talk time, and I fell in love with the city. I want to go back. (I won't mention the temporary anxiety that losing my luggage caused, since it was eventually recovered. I'm not listing the worst moments of 2005.)

4. My parents selling our house of 20 years and moving to north Bartlett. This was quite traumatic for me, as long time readers of my blog may recall, but it was good for me to go through that change, and my parents are so happy in their new house that I can't hold it against them.

5. Making the trip from Bartlett to Knoxville and back in one day. My roomie Elizabeth accompanied me on this little adventure, and it was a great chance for us to bond, listen to some great music, and laugh about my poor navigational and driving skills. (I won't mention the asinine reason for this marathon trip, since I'm also not listing the year's lamest excuses for a road trip.)

6. Settling into my very first apartment. It has been so great to have a place to call home in Knoxville, and I am so blessed to have a roommate like Liz to make it even more homey. We got to decorate things the way we wanted, and we even had our own Christmas tree. I look forward to more memories in our little nest.

7. Spending the weekend in Nashville with my friend Diana. Diana is my closest friend in Knoxville, and we had a blast in Nashville seeing Jason Mraz in concert, watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and attending the Andrew Peterson Christmas concert. Not to mention the excellent dinner we had that Sunday night at Amerigo's. It was the perfect weekend.

8. Attending a UT home game. Liz and I were fortunate enough to get front-row seats, and even though I don't even like football all that much, it was really exciting to be among all of the rabid, insane fans.

9. Going to a poetry slam. Most of the adventure involved with this particular event involved just getting there, as my friends and I couldn't seem to find the place where the slam was taking place, and then when we finally got there, thinking we were so late, there was virtually no one there (except the performers), and we ended up sitting in this rather shady bar alone for a good hour and a half. We had a blast, though, and the poetry slam was awesome, especially since we got to be judges.

10. Attending youth camp in July. I had a great time hanging out with some awesome members of the youth group, hearing some truthful, hard-hitting preaching, and getting in a little beach time. I went on this trip right before I moved, and it was a great way to end my time in Bartlett.

Honorable mentions: Getting my hair chopped off (which was kind of nerve-racking but a good change), teaching Sunday School, watching The Wizard of Oz outside in Market Square, my birthday celebration at P.F. Chang's and the club whose name I don't remember, and seeing Kelly Clarkson in concert.

Wow, not a bad year. It seemed pretty bad at times, but there have been so many blessings that I hope that when I look back on 2005, I remember the good and not the bad.

The Year's Best Music

Since the end of the year is fast approaching, I thought I'd make a list of my personal favorite albums of 2005.  All of these were released this year, and even though there are many more that I could list, these are the cream of the crop, in my opinion.  Obviously, since they're my favorites I think you all should own each of them.  (And by "own" I mean "purchase with money," not "download for free".)  In case you want to download some individual songs on iTunes or a comparable service, I've taken the liberty of listing my favorite songs from each of the albums to get you started.  Here they are, beginning with my favorite of the year:

1.  Bethany Dillon, Imagination: I can't get enough of Bethany Dillon.  She's quickly becoming my favorite artist.  I can listen to this whole CD straight through and then start all over again and not even mind.  Personal favorites: "Hallelujah," "My Love Hasn't Grown Cold," and "Be Near Me."
2.  Nichole Nordeman, Brave:  Nichole's one of my heroes: she's a fabulous singer who writes with passion, conviction, and honesty.  My personal favorites from the album: "Lay It Down," "Brave," and "Hold On."
3.  Jason Mraz, Mr. A-Z:  He's just such a witty songwriter, and all of his songs are so different.  Personal favorites: "Life is Wonderful" (probably one of my favorite songs EVER), "Geek in the Pink," and "Song for a Friend."
4.  Coldplay, X&Y: While not my favorite Coldplay album (I think the second one will always be my favorite), this one is still praiseworthy, if not all that groundbreaking.  Personal favorites: "Fix You," "What If?" and "Swallowed in the Sea."
5.  David Crowder Band, A Collision:  DCB is so innovative, so fresh, and so fun.  I just love this CD.  Personal favorites:  "Here is our King," "Foreverandever etc." and "Beautiful Collision."
6.  Switchfoot, Nothing is Sound:  Another album I can listen to straight through and then start it again.  Personal favorites: "Lonely Nation," "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine," and "The Blues."
7.  The Afters, I Wish We All Could Win:  This new group has a tight, polished sound and excellent lyrics.  I hope they continue making a name for themselves.  Personal favorites: "Beautiful Love," "Someday," and "Wait."
8.  Jack Johnson, In Between Dreams:  This was my intro to Jack Johnson, and I must say, I love him.  He's great for mellow, rainy afternoons or just about any other time.  Personal favorites:  "Banana Pancakes, "Better Together," and "Sitting Waiting Wishing."
9.  Lifehouse, Lifehouse:  Seeing Lifehouse live only increased my appreciation for them.  Personal favorites: "Blind" (the music video interprets the song in a way I hadn't even considered), "You and Me," and "Undone."
10.  Todd Agnew, Reflection of Something:  I have to say that this isn't my favorite album of Agnew's, but it has some of my favorite songs on it, so it makes the cut.  Personal favorites:  "My Jesus" (these lyrics are incredible), "Isaiah 6," and "Something Beautiful."

What are your favorites?

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Hmm, maybe I should have stuck with "before." 

My new profile pic was taken with the digital camera I got for Christmas, as were the pictures of Bear in the post below this one. I've been snapping pictures like crazy ever since I got the camera. It's been over a year since I had a camera of any kind, so I guess all of my pent up photo-taking energy has taken over. Digital cameras really are genius. It's so nice being able to see what the picture looks like right after you take it, and then you can just delete it on the spot if you want and take another one!

In other news, I've hardly read at all this entire break. I'm quite troubled by this. I love reading. I used to read all the time, and I was very much looking forward to this break so I could read whatever I wanted, but now that it's here and I have hours of free time, I don't read. I've only read about seventy pages of Uncle Tom's Cabin, and normally I would have been on my third book by now. What's wrong with me?? Maybe my brain is tired. That sounds stupid, though, so I don't know.

I do know that I'd forgotten how nice it is to have options in my TV viewing. My parents have a satellite, so there are just endless channels! (Oddly enough, sometimes it still seems like there's nothing on. Strange.) In Knoxville we have like 2 channels, but now I could watch those dreadfully insipid yet mysteriously addictive Lifetime movies 24/7 if I wanted.

Anyway, my life's pretty boring at the moment, so there's nothing much to report. I saw Cheaper by the Dozen 2 today. It was pretty funny, but definitely see a matinee, or wait for it to come out on video. It's not really worth $8. Oh, and if anyone's interested, tomorrow Bath and Body Works begins their wonderful semi-annual sale. You can get some really good deals, but it's only for 3 days, I think, so hurry! Enjoy your week, everyone!

A New Addition to the Family

I know you all were just dying to know what my brother got for Christmas, so I suppose I should go ahead and tell you, or perhaps showing would be better.  Welcome the newest addition to the Hetzel family: Bear!  He's definitely the cutest Hetzel, that's for sure! 

Here's another one:

I mean, seriously, is that not the cutest little puppy you've ever seen??  Unfortunately, our other dog, Sandy, doesn't think so.  She's been upset since Bear got here last night.  We knew that the puppy might be leaving little "presents" around the house for us to clean up, but so far the only messes we've cleaned up have been Sandy's (Sandy is 11 years old).  And each time she's done it right in front of us, as if to spite us and let us know that she does not welcome this little pup like we do.  And any time Bear would go near Sandy, Sandy just growled and would refuse to bond with the poor little guy.  Oh well, hopefully Sandy will calm down and realize that she may as well deal with Bear, since he's not going anywhere, at least not until my brother and his fiancee find a house and he moves out.  (So Bear could be around until June at the latest.)  Until then, Bear stays up in Brandon's room or underneath our watchful eyes, lest Sandy decides to make a meal out of him or something. 

The Christmas Eve service last night at church was lovely, if not really brief.  We were out of there in about 30 minutes, but I just love when we have candlelight services; it's just so peaceful and warm and inviting and reverent.  This morning was also good, and it was nice that my family and Nikki's family (my brother's fiancee) took up a whole row!  I love my family. 

I hope everyone else has had a merry Christmas.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 

P.S. My brother gave me the fifth season of Gilmore Girls, and my mom and I have already watched the first eight episodes.  Good times indeed!

Ah, Memory Lane

Tonight my parents and I watched Batman Begins again, and then we decided to dig out some of the home movies and watch them. First up: my 6th birthday party at the greatest place on earth--McDonald's. Let me tell you, that was one boring party. It seemed like we just sat there and ate forever. My favorite exchange:
Me: "I don't like my brother."
One of the parents supervising: "Oh, sure you do."
Me: "No, really, I don't."

HA! Things got a little more interesting when we moved the party outside to the playground, which definitely is different from the bright plastic elaborate monstrosities kids have these days. This little play area had a wooden slide that also had one of those big steering wheels and a curved window on the side of it; one of those big saucer-like things that you pile into and turn with a wheel; and a plastic jungle gym-type thing. Now, I don't remember the last time I saw a wooden anything on a playground. Anyway, favorite outside moment: me standing on the outside of the saucer thing and going to turn it but instead banging my head on the side and falling to the ground. I think we rewound that part and watched it about four times. It was so funny! And I was a big girl; I didn't even cry! My brother was also really funny, as every five minutes he would do these crazy gestures and say, "I'm Peewee Herman!" He was so cute but so loud, and when we were watching it my mom said, "You know, I think he had ADD." But he turned out okay. Hehe.

We also watched portions of mine and Brandon's old dance recitals. (There's a little Erin trivia for you: I took tap and jazz lesson for 6 years. Apparently it didn't stick, though because I'm the worst dancer on the planet.) It was so weird to see how little we were, and how completely different we looked. Seeing myself that young and watching my parents' reaction to seeing my brother and me that young was really fun, though. We should do that more often. (And we will: tomorrow when my brother and his fiancee are over, we're totally going to show Nikki what she's marrying into.)

Speaking of tomorrow, I don't know that I've ever been so excited for anyone to get a present as I am for my brother to get his. I don't think he has any idea what my parents got him, but I'm not gonna lie; it's good. We do a Christmas Eve gift exchange, so tomorrow he will get it, and it's going to be so fun! Until then you'll just have to wait to see what it is.

I hope all of you have a wonderfully happy Christmas, and remember to thank the Lord for sending His Son to die that we might live for Him!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Every year, the Bartlett Express publishes letters to Santa that kids in elementary school write in their classes, and some of them are hilarious. I thought I would share a few of the truly priceless ones for my readers. (All spelling and grammar is unedited. It's cuter that way.) Enjoy!

Dear Santa,

I want a 100 dollar bill and a pony.

* * *

Dear Santa,

I have a computer and the sky Hi movie. Merry Christmas. (If he has these things, why is he writing Santa? Haha.)

* * *

Dear Santa,

I dont no what I want I will think of something. Merry christmas.

* * *

Dear Santa,

May I please Have a Rmot Kchrl Dog? I have been good this year. Merry Christma! (I think she was asking for a remote control dog?)

* * *

Dear Santa,

I hope everyone wil have a great Christmas. What I want for Christmas is a laptop? I want most of all is my Christmas too be just right. One big big big bag of candy. One mor thing is for my dog too get the this lamp shad off. (Lamp shade?? Do we even want to know?)

* * *

Dear Santa,

I know you haft to driv a long way. I need toys candy choclet and love. (Aww.) I want a makeup set with a desk and cher. (Does she mean the singer? Hehe.) I want a word wall to.

* * *

Dear St. Nick,

I have been a good girl. How are your raindr? For Christmas I want a tomugae. (A what?)

* * *

Here's a great P.S. from one letter:

P.S. My mom wants my little sister to get potty-trained. Oh, please let it be a white Christmas.

* * *

Dear Santa,

I love Christmas. How bo reindeer fly. And how bo elfs make toys. I wonder woh Rodalfs mother is.

* * *

Dear Santa,

I don't want anything for Christmas. But for everyone to have a nice Christmas.
P.S. Nick said hello. (That's so sweet!)

* * *

Dear Santa,

You are the nicest man in the world. Say hi to Mrs. Claus for me. please don't give my dog anything. Give My Ma everything she wanted. (And another awww!)

* * *

This last one had my parents and I laughing forever, but we have no idea what the boy actually wants. Can anyone decipher this?

Dear Santa,

May I please have this? The stem tomis and that thang tanstsin to 4 thangs. I have been good this year. Merry Chrismus.

I mean, "stem tomis and that thang tanstsin"? What could that possibly be??? Kids are so cute!

Heavenly Ruminations

Warning: this is long.

Because I'm a nerd, I was reading Reader's Digest today, and there was an article about Barbara Walter's research on the question of heaven-what is it and how do we get there? There was also a 2-hour special on ABC last week, I think, and I wish I had gotten to watch all of it because I think it would have given more details than the article. Anyway, Walters spent a year researching, interviewing people from all types of religions and walks of life, and I was struck by a few things, one of them being Walters's asking a priest (the Archbishop of Washington, D.C., specifically) if there would be sex in heaven. His reply? "That was a question they asked the Lord, and the answer was no." First of all, who are "they"? I hate it when people use a blanket pronoun to refer to some invisible voice of consensus. It's a simple case of a pronoun without a referent, people. I personally had never thought about whether or not there would be sex in heaven. It's a compelling question, though. I know Muslims believe there will be sex in heaven (or paradise, as they refer to it), and the article says the Koran mentions sex in heaven specifically, but the Bible certainly doesn't. What do you think? And will there be marriage in heaven? I am skeptical about there being sex in heaven, but I'll get to my reasons for thinking so in a moment.

One other interesting quote in the article was by Billy Graham. He said, "I look forward to the reunion with friends and loved ones who have gone on before. I look forward to heaven's freedom from sorrow and pain." I have a problem with this quote, for several reasons, the first of which being the absence of a key figure. GOD. I've always had a problem with descriptions of heaven that liken it to a family reunion. That was always a big part of my church's past presentations of heaven in the Judgment Houses we did, and I just have to wonder how much of that will be true. I'm not at all trying to be insensitive to those who have lost loved ones who are now in heaven, but my concern is that the focus when we think about heaven is not where it should be-on Jesus.

Can you just imagine it? Heaven will be a reunion, but it will be a reunion of the Bridegroom and His bride, the Church. We will at last be in the presence of the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the One who was before all things and controls all things. The Lord whose earth is merely His footstool (see Isaiah 66:1), who measures the waters in the palm of His hand, judges in wisdom and in power, knows my every thought and action before they come to be. In the presence of such magnificence, such wonder, how could we dare to think of anyone or anything else? Is it any wonder that the book of Revelation depicts creation worshipping before the throne of God? Does it not say in Philippians 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, in heaven and earth, and every tongue confess that He is Lord? It will be all about Him, day in and day out. Our hearts and minds will be consumed with the Lord, and of course we will want it to be no other way.

So will there be sex in heaven? Will we be reunited with our relatives? I don't know, but I have a hard time believing that we will even care about those things. How could we when face to face with the One who gave us life and gave His life so we might one day be with Him? My challenge in the here and now is to be more eternally-minded, to have a heart that beats for the things of God, the eternal things and not the temporal things (see 2 Corinthians 4:16-18). And I pray too that we might realize the power of the truths depicted in 2 Corinthians 5:1-10: "1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight. 8We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." (emphasis mine)

Am I making it my goal to please Him? Are you?

What a weekend!

Highlights from my weekend:

1. Eating at Olive Garden with my parents. Yummy.
2. Seeing my friend Erin and her 3-week-old little girl. I stayed the night with her on Friday because her husband went out of town, and we had such a sweet time together. It was so wonderful to just hold a baby.
3. Shopping with my friend Lindsay on Saturday. The shopping itself wasn't fun because it took a really long time and everyone and their dog was at the mall or the surrounding vicinity this weekend (naturally), but it was my only chance to see Linds before she departed for Costa Rica for the whole break.
4. Starbucks on Saturday night with Lindsay. We had a good heart-to-heart, and it did me a world of good.
5. Learning how to play Texas Hold 'Em after church tonight. I stink at poker, but it was lots of fun since we don't actually play with real money. Maybe I'll get better at it.

That's all for now. My dad's study (where I'm typing this) is cold, and my warm bed is calling my name. To those of you who have to go to work tomorrow, you have my most heartfelt sympathy.

Oh, and I totally forgot to ask if anyone else watched The Apprentice finale and was totally shocked at the completely jerky behavior of Randal in the last 2 minutes. I was so mad! I mean, I understand he wanted to win and all, but why would it have been such a huge deal for Trump to hire Rebecca too? I lost all respect for Randal because of his comments at the end of the show. He was just too petty.

It's a Miracle!!!

Guess who got straight A's for her first semester in grad school? ME!!!! I seriously cannot believe it. My theory class was kicking my butt. I honestly was ready to get a B. Oh my word, I am so excited. I am so so so so so so EXCITED! And I just called my friend Sarah to tell her, and she was like, "I'm not listening to you worry about your grades any more! It always turns out the same. Haven't you learned a lesson today?" Hee. This is just the best Christmas present ever. Thank you, Jesus!

'Tis the Season to Watch Movies

I thought today might be as good a day as any to list my top favorite movies to watch during the holiday season. They are not all specifically about Christmas, but Christmas is in all of them, so that's good enough. No holiday season is complete without watching these movies, in my not-so-humble opinion.

5. A Christmas Story: My entire family dreads the day that TNT runs this movie for 24 hours straight, but I absolutely love it. It's such a classic. Favorite scene: when the fam goes to the Chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner after the dogs devour the turkey.

4. While You Were Sleeping: No matter how many times I watch this movie, I get all teary-eyed when Lucy, Sandra Bullocks character calls off the wedding and then talks about how much she loves Peter's family because she hasn't had a family of her own for a long time. Sniff sniff. And of course I totally fell in love with Bill Pullman's character and the fact that he gave her that stamp in her passport.

3. Sleepless in Seattle: This is a great movie to watch anytime, but for some reason I love watching it around Christmas. So many quotable lines, and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks together is just fabulous. Favorite scene: It's hard to choose a favorite, so I'll go with the scene that makes me giggle every time--the one where Rita Wilson's character is talking about An Affair to Remember (which I never thought was that great) and gets all weepy, so then Tom Hanks and Victor Garber (whom I LOVE) start talking about a movie (Dirty Dozen, I think?) and fake cry, and Victor Garber ends it by saying, "God, I love that movie." Hee.

2. Little Women: This is one example of a great adaption of a book. I love the 1994 version best, but I haven't seen all of the other versions. It's just so heartwarming and full of lovely cinematography, and I cry every time I watch it. Favorite scene: The ending. It's just perfect, with Jo and Professor Bhaer standing in the rain, alive with the realization of their love. And then after Friedrich says he has nothing to offer her, that his hands are empty, she places her hands in his and says, "Not empty now." Awwww. I love it. (A close second favorite scene is when Friedrich and Jo are at the opera, Friedrich translates for Jo, they almost kiss, are interrupted, then kiss for real. So sweet!)

1. White Christmas/Holiday Inn: I had to put both of these in the number one spot because I love them both equally. They're both musicals, both have Bing Crosby, and both feature the song "White Christmas." What more could you want?

What are your favorite holiday movies?

The end has come!x

I've been up since 7 am on Monday morning (with the exception of about 30 minutes sometime in the middle of the night), but I finished my project, turned it in, and now I'm officially finished with my first semester of grad school. I don't think I could be more relieved if I tried. There is really no way I would have made it at all if not for God helping me to get out of bed every day. It's been a long, hard semester, but it hasn't been without it's blessings, and I must always remember that. And now I can put it behind me, accept my B's if they come (*cringe*), and read for fun until January 11! Except that I also need to start tackling the MA comp. reading list. It's over 7 pages worth of books, and I've read 2 of them. (Okay, so that's a lie. I think I've read 5.) First on the list: Uncle Tom's Cabin. I've been meaning to read it for about a decade now, and it's on the reading list, so I'm killing two birds with one stone (I wish there were a better way to convey that idea without having to resort to using a cliche, but there you have it.)

Well kids, the keys on the keyboard are starting to run together, so I think it's about time I got some sleep. (And some food.) Look for more lucid posts in the days ahead. Ah, the joys of Christmas break...

I've been up all night. My life stinks. Or more specifically, Old English stinks.

The Internet is evil. I can't do my homework.

Hello friends! I'm writing you from this completely deserted but totally cool cafe with wireless internet. Diana and I were both suffering internet withdrawals, so we had to make a stop. :) And let me just tell you all how incredibly amazing the Jason Mraz concert was. That boy is so talented. If any of you are even remotely fond of Jason Mraz, you simply must see him in concert. Sometimes live perfomrances are risky because not all artists are good live performers or they are really boring because they don't know how to be entertaining, but Jason Mraz is both a good performer and a good entertainer. Actually, he's the BEST. He didn't even sing my favorite songs ("Life is Wonderful," "Absolutely Zero," or "Plane"), but he did all of the songs he did sing so well that it was hard to get upset about it. He is just the goofiest, funniest, cutest, bestest singer. I could go on and on all day. (And for those of you who know his newest album, he sang "Mr. Curiosity," and his little operatic performance at the end of that song is even better than on the CD. He just kept going and going, and I was just a-swoonin'.) So yeah, all of you should be sad you missed it. I'm sad it is over. I would go see him again tomorrow if I could.

Narnia was good, but I feel like it should have its own post, so you'll just have to wait to hear my review. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, peeps!

I took my final. It was hard. I feel like I studied all the wrong things. I hope I at least will manage a B for the class. Any lower, and I'm dead. I've never gotten a B in an English class before. Boo. But at least I'm done!! And I turned in a project for my research class, so all that's left is to finish my Old English project by Tuesday, which I think I can do.

Now I must you bid you adieu for the weekend, friends. I am going to Nashville for the weekend with Diana, and here are just some of the awesome things we are going to do:

Tonight: Jason Mraz in concert, 2nd row seats
Tomorrow: Chronicles of Narnia, Christmas shopping
Sunday: Dinner at Amerigo's, which Diana says is the best Italian food ever, and then Andrew Peterson in concert at the Ryman Auditorium

Aren't you jealous? But really, after the h-e-double hockeysticks that was the past two weeks, I deserve it! Have a great weekend!!!

He was injured; he was injured bad...

Okay, so Rachel posted a link to a hilarious video that I think you all should watch. Seriously, click that link. You won't regret it. My friend showed it to me last week at school, and we were laughing so hard people came to see what all the ruckus was about.

In other news, I think my brain might explode. I've been studying for two days straight for my theory final. I know it seems like all I talk about is my theory class, but that's only because it absorbs all of my energy. The final is tomorrow, and then I will finally be done with theory forever!! I can't even tell you how much that excites me. Some people get all riled up and energized by literary theory, but it makes me want to a) throw up, b) throw things or c) throw in the towel. (Did you like my little parallelism there?) Tomorrow after 12:15 I can say, "Adios, theory!" Not that I won't ever have to use it again because I totally will, but at least I won't have to read all those dreadful primary texts. Hallelujah!

Greatest Roomie Ever!

Yes, that's right, I have the greatest roomie ever! Even though she killed her xanga several months ago (much to my chagrin), apparently she still reads mine religiously (and who can blame her?). A few weeks ago I wrote about a certain book I wanted, and today I opened the Christmas present Liz got me, and guess what it is? The Smithsonian Book of Books! It's just as lovely as I remember it being. I can't wait until my break when I can just read it from cover to cover. I love being a nerd! And I love my roomie!

Worth Featuring

Have you guys ever checked out the "featured content" on the Xanga homepage? I was curious, so just a little while ago I clicked on some of the links. Well, the first person's didn't seem all that special to me-just some rant about a guy stealing this guy's profile pics and using them on Friendster, but he had over 60 eprops. Then there was another one that basically just thanked all of his "xanga friends" for subscribing, and he had over 60 eprops as well. (For the record, I did a post very similar to that not too long ago, and I got a whopping 6 eprops. Clearly I'm doing something wrong.). This guy also spelled words in that annoying way I hate: "bi" for "by", "bcuz" for "because", etc., and he's a member of a blogring called "Jesus Loves Notre Dame!!!," and that disturbs me on several levels I won't get into right now. But anyway, I'm not writing this to criticize these people, I'm just wondering how it is they get 60+ people(or 100+ in the case of some other guy) to comment on their site. I mean, I have 75 subscribers, so technically I could be in the running if all of you commented, but I suppose my entries aren't quite so exciting (and you all have lives). But none of the sites I read were incredibly thought-provoking or even all that entertaining (except for one talking about toilets in Japan that wash your behind), until finally I read one that really struck me. It really is worth featuring and is incredibly brave, so go check it out!

Imagine that the Hallelujah Chorus is playing in the background. Now imagine me grinning from ear to ear. I turned in my paper today! Woohoo! I even went over the minimum page limit, which I never do. I don't really think it makes a lot of sense, and after I turned it in I realized I hadn't so much proofread it, but you know what? I don't care. It's done, I'm through, and no more theory for me! (There is that small matter of a final, but my sleep deprivation has me excited about everything, so I don't care.) Yippeeeeeee!

The only thing that would make me happier is if Gilmore Girls weren't a rerun this week. It's just as well that it is, I suppose, since I still have a ton of work to do. But still, I'm so close to having this hellacious semester behind me. Praise the Lord for getting me through it with most of my sanity! I've now turned my thoughts to how I will spend the month I have off from school, and the possibilities are endless, but I've started a short list:

1. Write the great American novel (No big deal, right?).
2. Exercise on my parent's treadmill.
3. Read for fun! (Any suggestions?)
4. Go see all the movies I want to see (Narnia, King Kong, Walk the Line, Memoirs of a Geisha, among others.)
5. Sleep past 8 every day (except Sundays).
6. Write three new poems.
7. Relax.

That's a pretty good start, eh? If anyone cares to make additional suggestions, feel free!

I would also like to express my supreme disappoint in the meteorological system, as there was no snow today. The forecast miraculously changed sometime today from "scattered snow showers" to "cloudy." What a letdown. They're now predicting snow showers for Thursday, but after my premature excitement I can scarcely dare to hope. (See what optimism gets me? Kidding. Sort of.)

My lovely, new, readable background is courtesy of Steven. And if you read the comments in my previous post, you would see that he also shared news that I was aware of but nevertheless very excited about. Snow is on the forecast for tomorrow! Here is the forecast from Yahoo! Weather: Rain showers early mixing with snow showers later in the day. Cooler. High 41F. Winds N at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of precip 60%. Snow showers, people! I know I really shouldn't be getting all that excited because Tennessee weather is notoriously mercurial, but I can't help myself. I love snow, and we never get enough (or any sometimes), so if I could just see a little before I go home for a few weeks, I would be ecstatic. And then there's the fact that I absolutely hate driving in snow, but I'm not gonna dwell on that. Nor am I going to complain about my paper, or anything else, for the rest of the week. I'm aware that I've been downright whiny lately, and I know no one loves reading that, so I'm suspending my negativity for a week. (Baby steps, people, baby steps.) Then if that works, I may even try for two weeks! I don't know if it's possible to be born naturally pessimistic, but if it is, then I was. That does not, however, mean I have to stay that way. So optimism, here I come! (I hope this works. Hehe.)

Four pages down, six to go. Anyone got any feminist approaches to the "Wife of Bath's Tale" lying around? Yeah, me either.

I had my last day of theory class today! One class down, two to go. Unfortunately, I still have TONS of work to do. Like a paper for said theory class that's due Monday. How much of it do I have written, you ask? Why, none of it! Every day this week I have sat at my computer, staring at the blinking cursor, wondering how in the world I am going to write this paper. And every day I come up with nothing. And every day my feelings have ranged from complete stupidity to apathy, the latter of which has become a staple of my life this semester, and it needs to go away.

Part of me just really doesn't care how I do on this paper. Part of me hopes that I fail so I will have a legitimate reason to quit grad school. Part of me wants desperately to be smarter. And none of these parts are good things. I'm not used to not caring; it used to be that I cared too much. I certainly have never wanted to fail before; if I got a B on a paper the world came crashing down. I can't just make myself smarter, and comparing myself to other people does me no good. So I sit, paralyzed by fear and loathing, and wishing that I had gone into something more sensible, like accounting. But would I be happy? I doubt it. I do, after all, hate math. But it's not as though I'm all that happy right now, either. I just don't know who it is I've become, but I know I don't like me very much. And that's a scary place to be.

I wish I were young again and could just climb up into my mother's lap.

"O Great God, be small enough to hear me now." ~Nichole Nordeman

Imagine my surprise when I hit rock bottom, only to find Him there.

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." ~Psalm 61:2