Give Me Jesus

I've decided that my laptop being broken is definitely a God thing. All things are God things, really, but I'm just now acknowleding this particular event as such. You see, since I haven't had my computer, I've had lots of free time when I get home from work. Before I would spend several hours on the computer, doing email, chatting on AIM (which I really do miss), reading xangas and updating mine. Now when I get home I can't do any of that. Last night after watching American Idol (which was SUCH a fun one this week-"Bohemian Rhapsody," anyone?) and watching Amazing Race end with a stupid cliffhanger (grr), I had nothing to do. So I read my Bible. What a novel idea!

I've been reading in Galatians, trying to take in just a few verses each day so I actually absorb them and don't just read them and forget them immediately as I am wont to do. Last night, though, I read the whole book, and then went back and focused in on this one verse that really hit me: "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" (Galatians 3:3) Paul was speaking to the believers who were caught up in legalism, thinking that observing the law was more important than faith in Christ, specifically in regards to those Gentiles who weren't circumcised, and when I read this verse I just stopped because it described me so well. I am constantly trying to "earn" my salvation by doing good things, maybe not always consciously, but at Union I confess there were times that I attended chapel or a certain Bible study or whatever because I felt like I should and it was what was expected of me, not because I simply wanted to worship the Lord and taste of His goodness. And how many times have I started out seeking the Lord in something, only to snatch it out of His hands and run ahead of Him because I thought I knew better how things should turn out? I don't want that to characterize my life.

I want to trust God and have faith and believe Him and not doubt and not try to control things on my own or assume that I know what I'm doing because I don't. I am nothing without Him; I need Him desperately. Enough with my "human effort;" I want Jesus, no more, no less. And if that means giving up my rights to my life, then so be it. If that means waiting on the Lord rather than impatiently rushing to the next step, then so be it. If that means destroying the idols of self and money and even computer, then so be it. Amen and amen and amen.