A Different Kind of Hunger

Today was a crazy, stressful day. The firm I work for just moved to its new permanent location, and a lot of things are in flux, we don't have internet, and I lost a key to a locked filing cabinet (I know, I'm fantastic). I had to run several errands today, and during the course of running these errands, I passed by many fast food restaurants. I could practically HEAR the french fries in McDonald's yelling as I drove by, "Erin, come in and eat us! We will make you feel better! We'll take all your stress away! We are piping hot and tasty!" (Who knew McDonald's made such articulate food?) Quite the battle was being waged in my head, and I could have easily zipped through a drive thru and gotten a milk shake or some fries. I wanted to.

BADLY. 

But I didn't. I can't tell you how many times stress or anxiety has tempted me to eat, or more specifically, overeat. I tell myself that a little bit of "comfort" food will make me feel better and that it's not a big deal because it's just a few french fries.

It's all lies. That food hardly ever makes me feel better; usually I just feel guilty. It's not good for me. It's chemicals on a plate. (Tasty, tasty chemicals, but still.)  And not only is it not good for me, but it doesn't solve my problems. Eating french fries wouldn't help me find the missing key or make our internet magically start working.

Eating food does not solve problems. More often than not, it just creates them.

Yes, I realize I need food to live, but that's just it: I feel like so often I'm living to eat instead of eating to live, and that's not the way it should be. I have been clinging to Psalm 107:9 recently, which says, "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Notice that this verse says "hungry soul," not hungry belly. The Lord does provide food, but He also provides something only he can: fulfillment. Satisfaction and fulfillment ultimately are not found in food, but in HIM. 

May I taste and see that the Lord is good. Always.

28 Pounds

As of this morning, that's all that stands between me and my goal weight of 155. 28 pounds. 28 pounds shouldn't be all that difficult to lose, right? After all, I've already lost 78 pounds! It's not like I don't know how weight loss works. I have all the tools I need.

And yet I can't help but feel as though those 28 pounds are like 100 pounds. It seems daunting, and I can't figure out why.  Oh wait, yes I can: discipline (or lack thereof). My attempts to lose weight since having Charlotte have been of the stop-and-start variety. I haven't had long stretches of commitment bonded with action, and it shows. From June 1 2011 until January 1, 2012, I lost 12.2 pounds. That's kind of ridiculous. Sure, it's 12 pounds that needed to be lost, and I'm so glad I lost them, but a 12 pound loss over 7 months isn't impressive. At that rate, it will take me approximately 16 months to lose these last 28 pounds. There's no way that's happening.

So what now?

If I'm going to reach my goal weight this year, I have to take action. I have to be committed. So for the month of January, here's how I'm going to work on losing the weight:

1. Track all of my food. I got unbelievably lazy with this and haven't consistently tracked my food since the summer. I told myself I didn't really need to track, that I know what I eat and how many calories it all has. Lies! If I am not tracking, I let a lot of things slide. An extra cookie here, a regular Coke there, an extra serving at dinner, and before I know it I've eaten WAY more than SparkPeople's recommended range for me. So back to logging I go. It's tedious, but it works. I am more prone to think twice about eating something if I have to account for it.

2. Exercise at least 4 days a week. Since I'm planning to run a half marathon this year, this MUST happen. I need to work on building my running base this month anyway, so it won't be hard to figure out what exercise I need to do.

3. Wake up between 5:00 and 5:30 during the work week. If I am going to exercise and read my Bible, I need to wake up earlier. Which leads me to...

4. Go to bed no later than 10:00 p.m. Ideally I'd like to get to bed at 9:00, but I'm going to start with 10:00 and then work my way back to 9:00.

5. Complete the Hello Mornings Challenge. (This challenge is hosted by one of my favorite blogs for moms, Inspired to Action, so check out the challenge and Kat's blog. You will be blessed and encouraged!) I'm super excited about this and hope that it will help me achieve all of these goals.

Watch out, 28 pounds! I'm coming for you!

No Turning Back

In approximately 22 days, I'm going to turn 30. I know what you're all thinking: "No way is Erin almost 30! She's gotta be only 25 or so!" That IS what you were thinking, right? I thought so. :)

Anyway, I am not really at all depressed about turning 30. In fact, I'm kind of excited. It's a whole new decade, a whole new phase of life. I thoroughly enjoyed my twenties, so why shouldn't my thirties be the same? Plus, I'm going into my 30th year probably in better health than I was when I turned 20! I decided that I needed to celebrate this milestone in some special way, but I wasn't sure what to do. Stephen and I are going on a little trip to St. Louis, but we'll be back before my actual birthday, and I still wanted to do something to mark the day I turn 30.

Finally I figured out what that "something" will be. I signed up for a 4 mile race! This race, to be precise. I considered doing a 5k but then saw this race and thought I would challenge myself even more and go for the 4 mile distance! I've never run in a 4 miler before, and I don't even think there are that many races offered in that distance, so I'm seizing the opportunity. I registered today so there's no turning back! I can't change my mind. I may finish dead last (which is looking like a real possibility at the moment, with only 7 people registered), but I am going to finish and be PROUD.

Look out, 30, I'm coming for you!

Back to Work

Tomorrow marks the end of my maternity leave.  I admit that I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I am going to miss seeing my little girl all day, every day.  On the other hand, I am looking forward to getting to interact with adults and get back to my job, which I happen to like (most of the time, haha).

I think the most difficult thing about going back to work is knowing that someone else will be taking care of her, not me.  The thought of her being in daycare every day makes me really sad, and I know I will have a hard time the first few weeks.  However, I know that she will be in good hands.  I also know that daycare kids don't end up scarred for life or anything like that.  After all, I was in daycare, and I'm only slightly neurotic, so it can't be too bad, right? ;) 

Another challenge about going back to work will be finding time to exercise.  Time is at a premium now, but it will be much more so when I am back at work and the only time I will have with Stephen and Charlotte will be in the early morning before I leave and in the evening after we are all at home.  I feel selfish for wanting to spend any of that precious time just exercising, but I know it's important to take care of myself so I can be there for Stephen and for Charlotte.  It will be tough, though.  I am going to just keep trying to get in at least 3 workouts of at least 30 minutes at a time, and I will start Couch to 5k next week, which will give me a specific goal to work towards. 

Overall, going back to work is a necessity right now, and while I'm not completely thrilled about it, I am determined to make the best of the situation and take it one day at a time. Ultimately, that's really all any of us are guaranteed.

Learning

Things I've Learned About Charlotte:

1.  She's NOT a fan of having her diaper changed or getting her clothes changed.  She starts screaming, and then the minute the diaper is in place or the last button is buttoned, she stops.

2.  She has a myriad of amusing facial expressions, one of which is reminiscent of the "Blue Steel" look from Zoolander.  We hope to capture this on video at some point.

3.  She has a very strong sucking reflex but has trouble opening her mouth up wide, which causes problems in the breastfeeding area.

4.  She does NOT like having the hiccups.  They shake her whole tiny body and make her rather upset.

5.  She likes being in her bouncy seat and riding in the stroller, but she's only sometimes a fan of sleeping in her crib or cradle.

6.  She loves to be held and cuddled.

7.  When she is hungry, she must eat RIGHT. THEN.


Things I've Learned About Motherhood:

1.  It's hard.  Really, really hard.

2.  Breastfeeding is really, really hard.  No one ever talks about this, and even though I knew it would probably be a challenge, I had no idea how much of a challenge it would actually be.  I have cried during feedings, prayed during feedings, been relieved when feedings are over.  It has tested me like nothing else has.  I still don't know if I will be able to continue doing it, but I am trying to be patient and persevere in the hopes that it will get better, as many have told me it will.

3.  Being a mom has strengthened my prayer life tremendously.  Never have I felt so completely my need for a Savior as I do now, and I pray for wisdom and strength and courage and patience many, many times a day.

4.  Though motherhood is really, really hard, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  How can I, when I have this sweet little face to look at? 

A Challenge for May: Are You with Me??

Those of you have been reading my blog for a while know I'm a big fan of SparkPeople.com. The site is FREE and provides all kinds of fitness and health information. When you sign up for an account, the site will also ask you about your weight loss goals and then provide you with a daily calorie range to aim for. You can track all your meals and exercise on the site, join teams, and find inspiration and motivation. Simply put, the site is amazing!

For the month of May, SparkPeople is holding a "Sweatsuit to Swimsuit Bootcamp." Read all the details about the challenge here. Basically, for 4 weeks in May, you'll follow a 7-day workout program that consists of short videos (no more than 10 minutes apiece) that tone and strengthen different parts of the body, and then you also will do 5, 30-minute cardio sessions each week. Note: you do need a resistance band to do the videos, but they are relatively cheap to buy, and a lot of the exercises will also have modifications if you don't have a band.

I have already signed up for this bootcamp, as I am always looking for new and fun ways to exercise, and I want to extend the invitation to my readers as well! Is anyone interested in doing this challenge with me? If so, leave a comment telling me you're going to do it with me! If you're not already a member of SparkPeople, it's very easy to sign up. If you sign up, mention that I referred you (my username is Erin1022).

Even if you don't want to do the challenge, if you want lots of good, solid information about health and weight loss, join the site! You won't regret it!