Tuesday, March 26, 2013
What to Do with All Those Photos?
I don't know about you guys, but I am terrible about taking tons of pictures on my phone or camera, then uploading them to my computer, and then...doing nothing with them. I almost think it was easier when all we had were film cameras because then you HAD to get the pictures developed to see them, and that made you more likely to look at them! Now I feel like there are hundreds of pictures just hanging out on my computer that don't get looked at. I did a really good job of making photo books when Charlotte was younger, but I had slacked off on that in recent months. I didn't realize how much I had slacked off until I looked at her last photo book, which only goes up to Charlotte at 13 months old! Since she turned two almost a month ago, a new book was long overdue. Fortunately, Shutterfly is great about sending discounts for photo books, so I was able to order the book that is linked above for only $10.97! I can't wait to get my hands on it and let Charlotte see it!
Do you all have a way of making sure all those pictures you take get seen? If so, please share!
*Disclaimer: I was in no way compensated for sharing this; I just really like Shutterfly and their products!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Five Minute Friday: Remember (To Charlotte)
It's time for another Five Minute Friday! I fully intended to blog more this week, but it didn't happen. And how I wanted to edit this week, friends! But here it is, my five minutes on the word of the week: remember.
GO
Sweet child of mine, now that you are
two I find myself looking back, remembering those early days with
you. The memories already aren't as clear as they once were, and so I
must commit them to permanence with these feeble words. When I held
you in my arms that first time, in the early morning hours of March
4, your tiny body felt light, almost nothing, and yet the weight of
what I was becoming—mother--was heavy upon me. Though I had longed
to be your mother, waited years and those anxious nine months, that
moment when I held you surprised me. I did not feel immediately
transformed. I did not feel suddenly graced with wisdom. But oh, how
I felt love! How I felt amazed at the wonder and love of God, smiling
down on me through your little face.
In the weeks that would come, weeks of
little sleep and lots of crying (on both our parts!), I spent more
time questioning than trusting, more time worried than at peace, and
I wish I could take it all back and do it all over. I would tell
myself to soak in those early moments, frustrating and difficult and
exhausting as they were, and I would tell myself that it does get
better. That even though motherhood did not come to me all at once in
a blaze of glory, it has come in quieter ways, in quieter moments: in
the stillness of having your head snuggled up near mine, of hearing
your breath mingle with mine, of feeling your hands lovingly touch
mine. Being your mother has been the hardest thing I have ever done,
but oh, how thankful I am for the hard things, for in them I find out
who I truly am. WHOSE I truly am. And when you are older and
welcoming your first little one, I pray that knowledge finds you as
well.
STOP
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Five Minute Friday: Rest
Once again, I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and Five Minute Friday. It's simple: write for 5 minutes on the word of the week, no editing, no overthinking. It could be the best 5 minutes you spend writing all week. Give it a try!
There's something a bit ironic about
the fact that I am writing about rest at 10:30 at night, isn't there?
But write I must. The idea of rest is one I think about often. I am
tired a lot, and part of that tired is a physical tired, the kind
that comes at the end of a long day, but some of it is a different
kind of tired altogether, the kind that I can't solve with a nap. In
the quiet moments of the day, what I most want is rest from the crazy
thoughts in my head, the voice that tells me I am not good enough or
pretty enough or skinny enough, fill-in-the-blank enough. I want rest
from the endless ferris wheel of emotions, the doubt and frustration
over my eating habits and rest from fighting temptation at every
turn. I want rest from feeling inferior to stay-at-home moms, rest
from worrying about things that don't matter, rest from the nagging
insecurities I can't seem to put to bed. So I work and I distract
myself and I surf the internet, thinking that if I just stay busy I
won't have to think about all of these things. I won't have to face
the unrest in my soul. But eventually, something, or rather Someone,
stops me, and I hear that still small voice whisper to me, “Come to
me, you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Ah yes,
that's right. His yoke is easy, His burden light. Rest is mine for
the taking.
STOP
Do you have trouble resting, whether it's physical rest or spiritual rest?
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I Don't Want to Be Fine
I was at a very low point.
It was November 5, 2012, the day after Charlotte fell and cut her ear, and the morning of the surgery to stitch up that ear. And I wasn't there for her. Instead, I was at home, barely able to get out of bed, much less drive my car, and because the doctors thought I had C-diff, which is highly contagious, the hospital didn't want me on the pediatric floor anyway. I felt terrible physically but also emotionally because I wanted so badly to be there for my baby. I was hopeful, however, that things would soon turn around because my doctor had called in a prescription for a stronger medication to treat the C-diff. I hoped that the medication would finally put me on the path to recovery so life could return to normal.
Then, I got a call from the pharmacy. They were out of the medicine and wouldn't be able to get anymore until the following day. All the other area pharmacies were out of the drug as well. I would have to wait another day. I was crushed. In the grand scheme of things, one more day was not a long time, but in that moment, after weeks of feeling awful and on top of everything that had happened with Charlotte, it was too much. I burst into tears and just sat there in the dark in my living room. Stephen and my mom were both at the hospital with Charlotte, so I couldn't talk to them. I felt so alone. I pleaded with God to speak to me, to show me His love because I was having a hard time seeing Him in the midst of all this.
Not a minute after I prayed, my phone rang. It was a sweet friend from church, calling to see when she could bring by a meal for us (as so many others in our church did during the time that I was sick). Instead of answering her question, though, I burst into fresh tears and asked her to pray for me because I was having a really hard time and felt like I was losing it. Without hesitation she prayed for me, and her words washed over me like a wave of peace. The prayer she offered didn't change my situation, but it changed my perspective, like prayer is so apt to do. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit prompted Karie to call me at that exact moment, and I am so grateful that she was obedient to that prompting. Prayer is a powerful thing, not because of the person praying but because of the One being prayed to.
That moment from November will forever be etched in my memory as a turning point for me, a time when I realized that it does no good to keep struggles bottled up inside. It does no good to put on a mask and pretend to be fine. As Lisa-Jo Baker wrote in a beautiful post earlier this week, "Fine means the end of a conversation. The beginning of nothing." If I had just pretended to be fine when Karie called me, I would have missed out on the blessing of having her speak truth into my life. I would have missed out on the Lord showing His love to me through one of His children.
Vulnerability is a hard thing, but isolation is even harder. None of us has to bear burdens alone unless we choose to. I choose not to. I don't want to be fine. I want to be known. I want to be in community.
Slowly but surely, I am finding my way there.
It was November 5, 2012, the day after Charlotte fell and cut her ear, and the morning of the surgery to stitch up that ear. And I wasn't there for her. Instead, I was at home, barely able to get out of bed, much less drive my car, and because the doctors thought I had C-diff, which is highly contagious, the hospital didn't want me on the pediatric floor anyway. I felt terrible physically but also emotionally because I wanted so badly to be there for my baby. I was hopeful, however, that things would soon turn around because my doctor had called in a prescription for a stronger medication to treat the C-diff. I hoped that the medication would finally put me on the path to recovery so life could return to normal.
Then, I got a call from the pharmacy. They were out of the medicine and wouldn't be able to get anymore until the following day. All the other area pharmacies were out of the drug as well. I would have to wait another day. I was crushed. In the grand scheme of things, one more day was not a long time, but in that moment, after weeks of feeling awful and on top of everything that had happened with Charlotte, it was too much. I burst into tears and just sat there in the dark in my living room. Stephen and my mom were both at the hospital with Charlotte, so I couldn't talk to them. I felt so alone. I pleaded with God to speak to me, to show me His love because I was having a hard time seeing Him in the midst of all this.
Not a minute after I prayed, my phone rang. It was a sweet friend from church, calling to see when she could bring by a meal for us (as so many others in our church did during the time that I was sick). Instead of answering her question, though, I burst into fresh tears and asked her to pray for me because I was having a really hard time and felt like I was losing it. Without hesitation she prayed for me, and her words washed over me like a wave of peace. The prayer she offered didn't change my situation, but it changed my perspective, like prayer is so apt to do. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit prompted Karie to call me at that exact moment, and I am so grateful that she was obedient to that prompting. Prayer is a powerful thing, not because of the person praying but because of the One being prayed to.
That moment from November will forever be etched in my memory as a turning point for me, a time when I realized that it does no good to keep struggles bottled up inside. It does no good to put on a mask and pretend to be fine. As Lisa-Jo Baker wrote in a beautiful post earlier this week, "Fine means the end of a conversation. The beginning of nothing." If I had just pretended to be fine when Karie called me, I would have missed out on the blessing of having her speak truth into my life. I would have missed out on the Lord showing His love to me through one of His children.
Vulnerability is a hard thing, but isolation is even harder. None of us has to bear burdens alone unless we choose to. I choose not to. I don't want to be fine. I want to be known. I want to be in community.
Slowly but surely, I am finding my way there.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Charlotte Turns Two
Charlotte turned two on March 4, and we had a party the weekend before to celebrate! Charlotte loves Elmo, so I decided to do a Sesame Street theme. I got all of the supplies at Walmart and kept it pretty simple, decorating our kitchen table and hanging some balloons and a banner.
I also decided to keep the guest list small, so we just invited family.
My parents, my grandmother, and my brother, sister-in-law, niece and
nephew made up the guest list, and in our smallish house, that was
plenty of people! Charlotte gets overwhelmed with a lot of people surrounding her at once, so she was pretty clingy and shy at the beginning, but that didn't stop her from sporting her Elmo hat!
After I started blowing bubbles and she was able to interact with her cousin Erika, who is six months younger than Charlotte, she started to warm up.
Instead of a birthday cake, I decided to go with a less conventional approach after having some yummy petit fours at my mom's birthday celebration just a few weeks ago. My parents generously offered to provide the dessert, and the bakery was even able to put Elmo on the little cakes. I loved how they turned out!
For the food, we again opted for the simple (okay, lazy) route and ordered Pizza Hut pizza. While we waited for it to arrive, Charlotte started opening her presents. She got a ton of cute spring clothes from my brother and sister-in-law, along with coloring books and board books.
After the pizza, it was time for cake! Charlotte was a fan.
I tried unsuccessfully to get a good picture with Charlotte, but this is the best I got. We have such a hard time getting her to smile for pictures. She pretty much turns on the frowns when a camera comes out.
My parents were also unsuccessful in their attempts to get a picture with her.
The party was a little bit chaotic with two toddlers running around, and I was glad that I had decided not to invite a few other kids closer to her age. I think I will save the bigger parties for when she is older and can really enjoy them.
On Charlotte's actual birthday last Monday, we treated her to one of her favorite things, a donut:
And of course there were a few more presents! We got her a ladybug lunch bag and backpack to use at daycare, which she loved. She also opened presents from Stephen's parents, some fun blocks and an alphabet computer-type toy.
We also went in with my parents and got her a playhouse for outside. I really wanted to get her a swingset, but the nicer sets are SO expensive! I am happy with this little house, though, and she had a blast playing in it this weekend after her sweet daddy spent some quality time putting it together.
It's hard to believe that she is already two years old. She is changing so much every day, and even though this is a somewhat turbulent age, I am loving it. It's so fun now that she is able to talk to us more clearly and express herself, and she cracks us up with the little phrases she says. She is little Miss Independent, and I love seeing her take pride in being able to do things on her own. The days can sometimes be long, but the years are short. I pray that I cherish every moment with her, even the ones that are stressful, for I know that before I know it, she will be grown. We love you, Charlotte Marie!
 |
| She is not too sure about what is going on. |
After the pizza, it was time for cake! Charlotte was a fan.
 |
| Digging in! |
I tried unsuccessfully to get a good picture with Charlotte, but this is the best I got. We have such a hard time getting her to smile for pictures. She pretty much turns on the frowns when a camera comes out.
On Charlotte's actual birthday last Monday, we treated her to one of her favorite things, a donut:
We also went in with my parents and got her a playhouse for outside. I really wanted to get her a swingset, but the nicer sets are SO expensive! I am happy with this little house, though, and she had a blast playing in it this weekend after her sweet daddy spent some quality time putting it together.
 |
| She loved pushing the little doorbell and opening and closing the door. |
 | |||||||
| There's that sweet smile! Happy girl. |
It's hard to believe that she is already two years old. She is changing so much every day, and even though this is a somewhat turbulent age, I am loving it. It's so fun now that she is able to talk to us more clearly and express herself, and she cracks us up with the little phrases she says. She is little Miss Independent, and I love seeing her take pride in being able to do things on her own. The days can sometimes be long, but the years are short. I pray that I cherish every moment with her, even the ones that are stressful, for I know that before I know it, she will be grown. We love you, Charlotte Marie!
 | ||||
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Weigh-In Wednesday: Weary
Weight on February 20: 168.6
Weight today: 169.6
GAIN of 1 pound
Is anyone really surprised by this? It seems like lately gaining weight is what I do best. I am flirting with the 170s, and I really don't want to be in the 170s again. I spent the bulk of 2012 there, and I'd love to spend the bulk of 2013 in the 160s, or even the high 150s. I have done better with my eating choices recently, and I've even managed to make it to the gym several times, but I am not consistent enough with these actions to really see results, as evidenced by this weigh-in.
Honestly, I'm weary of this whole struggle. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. As long as I can remember I have been overweight, even in elementary school. I get so frustrated with the fact that I am sitting here obsessing over food when there are babies without parents, people without food, etc. Considering the serious problems of the world, this issue is ridiculous. I hate that something as trivial as food consumes so much of my thoughts, but I fear that if I didn't think about it, I would end up weighing 300 pounds. I desperately need to find balance.
I long for a day when I can just eat a meal and not agonize over what's on my plate. I long for a day when my thoughts aren't consumed by food, but I don't know if that day will ever come. I don't know if I will ever find true freedom from this. Sometimes I am grateful for this struggle because it has helped deepen my dependence on God and kept me humble, but then I also know that I am not meant to live in bondage, so I don't know what to think.
What I do know is that I am a child of God, and He loves me in spite of the mess I make of my life at times, and I am deeply grateful for that.
Weight today: 169.6
GAIN of 1 pound
Is anyone really surprised by this? It seems like lately gaining weight is what I do best. I am flirting with the 170s, and I really don't want to be in the 170s again. I spent the bulk of 2012 there, and I'd love to spend the bulk of 2013 in the 160s, or even the high 150s. I have done better with my eating choices recently, and I've even managed to make it to the gym several times, but I am not consistent enough with these actions to really see results, as evidenced by this weigh-in.
Honestly, I'm weary of this whole struggle. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. As long as I can remember I have been overweight, even in elementary school. I get so frustrated with the fact that I am sitting here obsessing over food when there are babies without parents, people without food, etc. Considering the serious problems of the world, this issue is ridiculous. I hate that something as trivial as food consumes so much of my thoughts, but I fear that if I didn't think about it, I would end up weighing 300 pounds. I desperately need to find balance.
I long for a day when I can just eat a meal and not agonize over what's on my plate. I long for a day when my thoughts aren't consumed by food, but I don't know if that day will ever come. I don't know if I will ever find true freedom from this. Sometimes I am grateful for this struggle because it has helped deepen my dependence on God and kept me humble, but then I also know that I am not meant to live in bondage, so I don't know what to think.
What I do know is that I am a child of God, and He loves me in spite of the mess I make of my life at times, and I am deeply grateful for that.
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