Taking Off the Blinders

On May 1, 2012, I weighed 174.2. I don't remember my exact weight in June or July since my blogging died out and thus it wasn't recorded, but I do know that at one point in July I got down to 172.6. Then I accidentally-on-purpose decided to stop weighing myself. This decision coincided with a lack of exercise that lasted about a month. I told myself that I'd been maintaining all summer so weighing was pointless, and after exercising for 60 out of 62 days in May and June, I deserved a break, right?

Truly, what I deserved was a swift kick to the tush. I weighed myself last Monday, August 13, and I weighed 178.6.  That's over 4 pounds higher than my weight in May and 6 pounds over my lowest weight in July. To put it plainly, I got lazy and apathetic. I felt stuck, and a lot of the time I debated if I even wanted to keep trying to lose weight. My body seemed determined to stay in the 170s, so why not just let it stay there?

And honestly, if these last 20-ish pounds that I want to lose were solely about the way my clothes fit, I don't know that I would keep going. I've grown accustomed to how I look and have mostly accepted the fact that I will never be a size 6, or even a size 8. Losing 20 more pounds will not put me in a bikini or remove the cellulite that has permanently attached itself to my thighs. Losing 20 more pounds will not put me on the cover of a magazine. Losing 20 more pounds will not change who I am.

So why bother?

I think I lost sight of the reason why I should bother, but the reason is this: I want to be healthy. And I'm not healthy at this weight. Not simply because of the number on the scale, but because of the habits I've allowed myself to develop. The snacking at night, the dessert after lunch AND dinner, the too-frequent visits to Dairy Queen, the obsessing over food in general--all have kept me from losing those last 20 pounds, and all have contributed to the unhealthy state of my body.

Are weight and health intertwined? Not always. I would venture to say that I'm healthier than some women who are smaller than me because I know some who can't even run a mile, much less finish a half-marathon. I also think that I was probably healthier when I was 200 pounds pre-Charlotte than I am right now because that Erin was making healthier eating choices and getting a lot more exercise. But I also know many women who are a healthy weight precisely BECAUSE they make healthy choices and worked incredibly hard at it.  I know that healthy choices often lead to weight loss, and I can't keep lying to myself and saying that I'm healthy when I eat junk and slack on exercise and then wonder why my pants feel a little tighter.


So what now? I'm going back to the basics:

1. Counting calories on SparkPeople.com. I started this last week and did really well for 4 days and then slacked off right in time for the weekend. I'm trying to stick to 1700 calories or less per day, but I am also trying to develop the habit of simply logging everything I eat, whether I stay in my range or not. I know the more I do it, the more inclined I'll be to skip the junk food and go for the carrots instead.
2. Exercising 4 times a week for a minimum of 2 hours. This is a very doable amount of exercise. I'd love for it to be more, but I'm trying to be realistic about the time that I have. 
3. Paying attention to portions. My trusty food scale has gotten more use this past week than it has all year, and I'm proud of that. I was eating portions that were completely out of control. I don't plan to weigh my food for the rest of my life, but for right now this is what I need to do to have control. 
4. Praying. I've known for a while how much of my struggle with weight and food is a spiritual matter, but I've failed to spend considerable time in prayer asking God to help me win this battle with food. I'm trying to change that by praying every day, even if it's just a minute, about my food issues. I also want to find some Scriptures that encourage me in this issue and commit them to memory. 

If I can do all these things, I know I will be healthier. Even if I don't lose those last 20 pounds, if I can accomplish the things on this list on a regular basis, I know I'll have won.

What about you? Do you think health and weight are intertwined?

I'm Not Stopping Just Before the Finish Line

I checked my blog archives, and it's been roughly two months since I decided to take a break from blogging about weight loss. I was kind of surprised because it felt like longer to me, although I'm not sure why. I can't say I've actually missed writing about weight loss, but I have felt a little bit that not writing about it has caused me to become rather lackadaisical in my approach to weight loss. Basically, I'm not losing any weight. Well, let me correct that. I've lost about 4 pounds, but 4 pounds in 2 months? That's hardly a weight loss success story.

Admittedly, I was primarily focused on training for my half marathon during those 2 months, and as my runs increased in distance, so did my hunger. I don't think I went nuts with my eating, but I let more things slide than I should have because hey, I had just burned 1,000 calories running! What's a little pizza compared to that? However, I am no longer training for a half marathon, nor am I running. In fact, I've run a total of THREE TIMES since my race on March 31. I've only exercised five times this whole month. That's pathetic.

In summary, I've lost very little weight and done very little exercise.

So what's going on here? Laziness. Lack of discipline. Apathy.

All of that stops. NOW.


I weighed 174.4 this morning. That means that I only have 19 pounds to lose to get to my goal of 155. Nineteen pounds is NOTHING. I am so close! There is no reason I can't be at my goal weight by the end of July. To do that, I need to lose a little over 6 pounds a month. 6 pounds is not a lot. It's a very doable goal, and I'm going to reach it.

No more excuses. Only results!

P.S. This is my 1000th post! Woohoo!

What Next?

It is has been my experience that without a specific fitness-related goal, I flounder. Hence the reason I haven't really worked out at all since my half marathon until this morning (and even then I only ran 2 miles). Having the half marathon to train for gave me motivation and focus and helped get me out of bed on days when I would have preferred to sleep a little later. Now that the race is over, I am left trying to figure out what my next goal should be. Obviously, I have a goal to get to my goal weight, but I need some sort of fitness goal to accompany that so I stay on track. I have a few things in mind but would love my readers' input as well. Here is what I've come up with:

1.  Sign up for another race. I could do the West TN Strawberry Festival 10k on May 12. I wouldn't have to do much training for this, just keep up a consistent running schedule until then. I'm defnitely not going to run any long distance races over the summer because I'm a wuss when it comes to heat, so a 10k is the farthest I'd be comfortable running at this point.

2.  Complete 30 days of 30 Day Shred. I've done the workout itself many times, but I have never tried to do it every day for 30 consecutive days, mainly because I've always thought that you shouldn't work the same muscles two days in a row. Am I completely wrong on this? I have never managed to get past level 1 on the DVD, so I think a focused, concentrated approach like aiming for 30 days straight would be really challenging. My main concern is injuring myself because of overuse. I suppose I could always do the Shred every other day for 60 days, too.

3.  Find a weight lifting plan and stick with it for 30 days. I have little to no motivation to strength train, but my body desperately needs it (hello, flabby stomach and thighs and arms!). If I could find a good plan to follow, that might help. I have a 2-month YMCA membership that I need to use before it expires in June, so perhaps I should see if I can find any workouts that incorporate gym equipment that I otherwise wouldn't have access to.

That's all I've got. I'd love to hear any suggestions from you all about what my next fitness goal should be! If you know of any great, inexpensive workouts, please share!

January 2012: Week 3 Report

Last week's weight: 180.6
This week's weight: 180.4
Total loss: .2 pounds
Total lost in January : 3.8 pounds

Can I just say that I am REALLY ready to say goodbye to the 180s?? Do you know how long I've been in the 180s? Since August. That's five months, friends, and that's enough!  I WILL end this month under 180 pounds!

What went well this week:

1. Time with God. I had good time with the Lord every day this past week, and that is HUGE. Even if other things didn't go as planned, I made sure that I spent time reading God's Word.

2. Exercise. I got in 182 minutes of exercise this past week, including a 4 mile run on Saturday. I felt GREAT after completing that run, since it was the first time since my 4 mile race that I have run that distance. I plan to run 5 miles this weekend, which will be my longest post-pregnancy run.

What went badly this week:
1.  Tracking. I did track every day but Saturday, but there were a few days that I did not track all of my meals, and I know that it was more than likely intentional on my part because I knew inputting those calories would show that I ate above my allotted range. Of course that line of thinking is stupid because I still went over my calories whether or not the numbers showed it, so I just need to stop trying to lie to myself.

2.  Weekend munchies.  Weekend eating=age-old problem I still haven't conquered. I tend to be lazier about tracking and therefore less stringent about nutrition, which means I eat things that aren't the best choices and then wonder why I don't lose any weight. I can exercise all I want, but if I'm not putting good things into my body, it's a waste.

If I were giving myself a grade for the past week, I'd give myself a C. This week will be better!

28 Pounds

As of this morning, that's all that stands between me and my goal weight of 155. 28 pounds. 28 pounds shouldn't be all that difficult to lose, right? After all, I've already lost 78 pounds! It's not like I don't know how weight loss works. I have all the tools I need.

And yet I can't help but feel as though those 28 pounds are like 100 pounds. It seems daunting, and I can't figure out why.  Oh wait, yes I can: discipline (or lack thereof). My attempts to lose weight since having Charlotte have been of the stop-and-start variety. I haven't had long stretches of commitment bonded with action, and it shows. From June 1 2011 until January 1, 2012, I lost 12.2 pounds. That's kind of ridiculous. Sure, it's 12 pounds that needed to be lost, and I'm so glad I lost them, but a 12 pound loss over 7 months isn't impressive. At that rate, it will take me approximately 16 months to lose these last 28 pounds. There's no way that's happening.

So what now?

If I'm going to reach my goal weight this year, I have to take action. I have to be committed. So for the month of January, here's how I'm going to work on losing the weight:

1. Track all of my food. I got unbelievably lazy with this and haven't consistently tracked my food since the summer. I told myself I didn't really need to track, that I know what I eat and how many calories it all has. Lies! If I am not tracking, I let a lot of things slide. An extra cookie here, a regular Coke there, an extra serving at dinner, and before I know it I've eaten WAY more than SparkPeople's recommended range for me. So back to logging I go. It's tedious, but it works. I am more prone to think twice about eating something if I have to account for it.

2. Exercise at least 4 days a week. Since I'm planning to run a half marathon this year, this MUST happen. I need to work on building my running base this month anyway, so it won't be hard to figure out what exercise I need to do.

3. Wake up between 5:00 and 5:30 during the work week. If I am going to exercise and read my Bible, I need to wake up earlier. Which leads me to...

4. Go to bed no later than 10:00 p.m. Ideally I'd like to get to bed at 9:00, but I'm going to start with 10:00 and then work my way back to 9:00.

5. Complete the Hello Mornings Challenge. (This challenge is hosted by one of my favorite blogs for moms, Inspired to Action, so check out the challenge and Kat's blog. You will be blessed and encouraged!) I'm super excited about this and hope that it will help me achieve all of these goals.

Watch out, 28 pounds! I'm coming for you!

2012 Goals

I like making goals for the new year. There's something exciting about a new year and a fresh start. Unfortunately, I don't have the greatest track record when it comes to meeting my yearly goals. In 2009 I made 18 (!) goals.  What in the world was I thinking making so many goals? No wonder I didn't achieve some and forgot about others!  In 2010 I slashed my number of goals by more than half, but I completely stopped tracking my progress on most of them and therefore have no idea how I fared with the ones that required lots of record-keeping.  I was smarter this year in that I only made 3 goals for 2011, but still I did not meet any of them. #3 (Complete Couch to 5k and run in 3 races) is the one I came closest to meeting, as I did manage to complete Couch to 5k but only ran in one race. And while I would have loved to have made it to my pre-pregnancy weight and read through the Bible, I'm okay with the fact that those goals did not happen. I made progress on each of those goals, so they weren't completely failures. Furthermore, my life changed in a big way this year, and I'm just now starting to feel like a routine is taking shape.

With that being said, I'm not going to make a ton of goals for the year. Instead, I want to focus on making goals each month that will help me accomplish my year-long goals. There are 3 big goals I want to accomplish this year, and I think I can create monthly mini goals to make them reality.

1. Get to my goal weight.  I am determined that 2012 will be the last year this appears on my list of goals. I want to go into 2013 with "maintain my goal weight" as a goal.  I have been at this weight loss thing for almost 4 years. It's time. Right now my goal weight is between 155-160 pounds.

2. Run a half marathon. I set this goal in 2010, and I came really close to achieving it only to give up on it only 3 weeks before the race. At the time I think it was the right decision, but I REALLY wish I had just sucked it up and run the race. It's going to happen this year, even if I have to walk some/all of it!

3. Read through the Bible. I'm fortunate in that my Life Group (aka Sunday School class) at church is going through this chronological plan in 2012, so there will be a lot of support and accountability for this goal. It's been a few years since I've read through the Bible, and I'm looking forward to the chronological approach in particular. If anyone else is interested in doing this, please let me know in the comments! We can be a support for each other!

Are you making goals for the new year? Share them with me!

Don't Get Sad, Get Fit!

Confession: I only worked out TWICE in November. 65 minutes total. Pitiful, right? I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I think I can blame laziness and exhaustion for the bulk of it. It's been hard to find a good routine that allows me optimal time with Charlotte and Stephen and also time to workout, read my Bible, and oh yeah, work full time. I haven't figured it out yet, but the most logical of solutions is the one I'm least fond of: waking up early. When I wake up at 5:30 or 5:40, like I did this morning, I can get things accomplished. Charlotte and Stephen are both still sleeping then, so I'm not missing out on time with either of them, and I enjoy the time to myself. Unfortunately, more often than not I end up setting my alarm for 5:30, hitting it when it goes off, and then going back to sleep for another hour.

This was not always the case. Early on in my first attempt to lose weight, back in 2008 and 2009, I routinely woke up at 5:30 or 6:00 to exercise. It was just a matter of routine. I rarely skipped, rarely overslept my alarm. So what's different now? The obvious difference is that I now have a 9-month-old who still enjoys the occasional crack-of-dawn wake-up call. However, while the early days of Charlotte's life resulted in some serious sleep deprivation, the truth is I'm FAR more rested than I was when she was a newborn, so the baby excuse really doesn't fly.

Perhaps if I were gaining weight from the lack of exercise, I'd be more motivated, but I managed to lose 4 pounds in November. 4 pounds isn't stellar, but it's pretty typical weight loss for me, and I'm happy about it. Of course, who knows what I would have lost if I had exercised!

Ultimately I think it comes down to the fact that I don't want weight loss badly enough to get up early. I'd rather sleep in than exercise. I'd rather succumb to laziness than chase after fitness. I may have run 4 miles back in October, but I'm fairly certain there's no way I could do that right now, and that makes me sad. But more than making me sad, it's making me motivated. Motivated to make a concerted effort to take care of myself and my body so I can be a good example for Charlotte and a good steward of this body that God has given me.

Do you have any good tips for waking up earlier?

Surviving the Dreadmill

Oh, treadmill, aka dreadmill. How I love to hate thee. I was super excited about our treadmill in the beginning and welcomed the opportunity to be able to run inside at home without having to go to the gym. The treadmill was a faithful companion to me while I was pregnant, and I logged lots of miles walking away while watching my all-time favorite show, Gilmore Girls. (Gilmore Girls makes all forms of exercise palatable, I think.)  However, the current treadmill setup does not allow for watching DVDs, and I seem to have somehow lost the adapter that allowed me to hook up my mp3 player to the treadmill. I tried running on it with my headphones, but I got so sweaty that they kept coming out. (Ew, gross, I know.) All that to say, I've been running in silence, which is a new thing for me. And it's a struggle. This morning the last thing I wanted to do was get on that dreadmill again, but with it being so dark in the mornings, I haven't felt safe running in my neighborhood with its limited supply of streetlights. So the treadmill it was. I'm sure I'm not alone with my mixed feelings regarding this piece of exercise equipment, so I've compiled a list of tips to help you survive that time on the tread.

1. Set a minimum goal, either time or distance. This morning I told myself I HAD to run for at least 10 minutes and then I could stop if I wanted to. Once 10 minutes came, I decided that I may as well run a full mile since that would be less than 2 more minutes, so I did that, but then I decided hey, why not run for 15 minutes? Then I decided to go for 1.5 miles, and before I knew it I had clocked 2 miles on the treadmill when all I'd planned was 10 minutes! (FYI: this little tip works for any kind of exercise. Give yourself 10 minutes, and odds are you'll more than likely do much more than that.)

2. Change it up. Setting the treadmill at one pace and leaving it there the whole time is a surefire recipe for boredom. I love to change up the pace or the incline when I am feeling like quitting. I'll even change the pace every 10 seconds or so if I'm really desperate, and it makes clockwatching more enjoyable.

3. Finish faster than you started. This is a good general rule to follow when running anyway, but I have a hard time gauging my pace outside. However, the treadmill tells me exactly how fast (or rather slow, as the case may be) I am going. When I'm on the treadmill I make sure that I increase my pace so that I am not ending my run at the same pace that I began it. This also ensures that I will have negative splits. This morning, for example, I started out at 5 mph and ended at 5.7 mph. I finished my first mile in 11:45 and my second in 11:15. I'm pretty proud of that.

4. Cover up the display. If I am looking at the display on the tread every.single.minute, I know it's time to cover it up or I will go insane. Just throw a towel on there and resist the urge to peek underneath it every other second.

5. Use music to motivate. Even though I am not using music right now, I've used it a lot in the past and have found it to be HUGE boost when I need it. Tell yourself you can't look at the clock until you've made it through 2 whole songs, or change the pace every time a song changes. If you create a playlist, put some of your favorite workout songs in the middle or toward the end, to give yourself the drive to finish strong.

Now it's your turn. I'd love to hear how you make it through a boring workout!

One Measure of Success

I measured myself two nights ago and wasn't particularly thrilled with the numbers, but then I found a happy surprise when I logged on to SparkPeople to record my measurements: I'd measured myself back on June 15, and since then I've already lost some inches! 

Since June 15, I've lost:

• 2 inches from my waist
• 2 inches from my hips
• 3/4 inch from my thighs
• 1 1/2 inches from my arms
• 1/2 inch each from my chest and bust

Granted, these aren't huge numbers, but I am really excited to see that I've made some progress in this area and hope to see a lot more progress over the next few months. I'm not quite comfortable with posting my actual measurements on here yet, but I am planning to measure myself at the end of every month and will update my blog with the results, good or bad!

If you're trying to lose weight, I strongly encourage you to take measurements of your body. It can be an encouragement when the scale isn't moving in the direction you'd like, and it can be a motivator to work harder as well. For me, it's one of the few ways I have to gauge my progress since I'm on a scale hiatus, and I hope it helps me stay focused!

My Scale Hiatus: The Plan to Track My Progress

Thanks to all of you who offered your support for my decision to hide the scale for a while.  Even after just a few days I can tell you that I really like not having that burden hanging over my head.  The first two days I had a very intense desire to weigh myself, and I'm so glad I had Stephen hide it so I wouldn't be able to give in to that desire even if I wanted to!  However, I haven't felt such a pull to the scale the last few days, and it feels great!

For me, the biggest challenge of this no scale experiment is knowing how to measure my progress. From day 1, the scale has been my primary measurement of success, so I am having to revisit what I consider success and progress and find other ways to measure that.  So here's what I've come up with:

1.  I'm going to take measurements of key body parts and track the inches lost.  I took measurements before in my weight loss journey, but I haven't done them consistently since Charlotte arrived, so I need to get a picture of where I am to see where I need to go. Tonight I'm going to measure my arms, thighs, calves, waist, chest, hips, and neck. I'll post updates once a month about what progress (or lack thereof) that I'm making.

2.  I'm going to set daily goals for myself to meet and track them with a "Healthy Habits Checklist" that I've created. I think if I can focus on making good choices day by day, then there is no reason for the weight not to come off! On days when I meet all of my goals, I will give myself a sticker on the calendar. Here is my Healthy Habits Checklist:

1. Exercise 5 times a week. The tentative plan is for me to run 3 times a week and do 30 Day Shred the other 2 days, but as long as I move my body 5 times a week, I can check this off.
2. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.  I don't anticipate this being very difficult except on the weekends.
3. Eat a minimum of one fruit with breakfast, a fruit and/or veggie with lunch, and a veggie with dinner. I'm terrible about eating veggies, so this is a baby step for me to take to encourage more veggie consumption.
4. Consume at least 25 grams of fiber a day. I'm all about the fiber, so I don't think this will be too difficult.
5. Eat no more than 1600 calories a day. I'm not giving myself a minimum target because let's face it, eating the minimum calorie allowance has never been my problem. :)

The healthy habits on my checklist are very basic, and there should be NO REASON why I can't succeed at meeting those goals each day. 

Measurements and my checklist are the two main ways I plan to track my progress.  I also will be able to gauge my progress by the way my clothes fit, but I don't expect to see changes in that area for a while. I think the checklist will help me to focus on living healthy and not use this hiatus from the scale as an excuse to slack off.  I do well within defined parameters, so I'm hopeful that these guidelines will lead to a healthier life free from dominion of the scale!

If you were creating a healthy habits checklist, what would be on it?

June Goals Report: Week 4

I decided it was time to change the blog, so I redesigned it and even gave it a new name!  What do you think? 

I don't know about you guys, but June just FLEW by!  I can't believe the year is almost half over.  Here's how I did with my goals this past week:

1. Lose 6 pounds. Weight as of June 1: 196.4. Weight as of June 29: 193.2. GOAL NOT MET.  While I wish that I had lost more than 3.2 pounds this month, I hope to never see those 3.2 pounds again! 

2. Cardio for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week. Success!  Two of my workouts ended up being 45 minutes in length, including a stroller walk that I took with Charlotte on Saturday morning. 

3. Strength training twice a week. Success!  I finally met this goal 100%, in the last week of the month. Oh well, better late than never, right? :)

4. Read a Proverb each day. 6/7 days.  I did MUCH better with this goal this week, although if I am honest I will say that while I read a Proverb 6 out of 7 days, I didn't really stop to digest the truths in those verses every day, which is kind of the whole point in reading the Bible to begin with!

5. Eat within my calorie range 5 out of 7 days. I honestly don't know how I ended up doing with this goal because I was a bad girl and didn't track at ALL this weekend, but I am sure I went above my range definitely on Friday and Saturday. 

I am pleased with how some things went this month, like exercising, but there are 2 areas where I really need to step it up if I am going to see real results on the scale: my eating and my time with the Lord.  Obviously, I have GOT to do better than staying in range 4 times out of the week, end of question. I can exercise all I want, but as long as I eat more than I burn, I'm not going to lose weight.  It's as simple as that.  And if I don't take my time with the Lord seriously and take this battle with food seriously, then all of my efforts are in vain because at the root of all of this is my love of food over my love of God.  If I can't change that, then any other benefits are only temporary. 

I am still thinking about what my goals for July will be, but I will definitely post them before the week is up.  How did you all do with your goals for the month?

And since I neglected to post a picture of Charlotte on my last blog, here's one for you today:

Man, I love that face! :)

June Goals: Week 1 Report

So technically the first week of June ended yesterday, but I couldn't postpone blogging about Charlotte any longer!  :) 

Here's how I did for the first week:

1.  Lose 6 pounds.  Epic fail here.  I actually gained .2 pounds this week, weighing in at 196.6.  I am SO ready to see something besides 196 on the scale!  I am sure the gain is due to the not one but two anniversary dinners Stephen and I had--one at Outback and one at The Melting Pot.  YUM.

2.  Cardio for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week.  Success!  I completed 4 workouts this past week, one of which was 45 minutes, and I am now in week 5 of Couch to 5k. 

3.  Strength training twice a week.  Fail.  This is pitiful, but I completely forgot I made this goal!  Oops.

4.  Read a Proverb each day.  Success 6/7 days.  I am really enjoying reading Proverbs, and it's easy to know where I left off because I just go by the date. :)

5.  Eat within my calorie range 5 out of 7 days.  I completely blew it on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, so I only ate within my range 4/7 days, which is pretty awful.  It's a wonder I didn't gain more than .2 pounds! 

So I did great in the exercise department and poorly in the eating department.  However, I do actually feel like I am making progress with my eating because I am much more mindful of why I want to eat and am trying to stop and think before shoving food in my mouth.  It's going to be a long journey, but I am going to see it through. 

Here's to a better week two! 

May Goals: Week 3 Report

May starting weight: 197.6
Weight as of 5/23/11: 197.6

Well, I didn't lose and I didn't gain this past week.  I think it's safe to say I will not be meeting my goal of losing 4 pounds this month.  But if I'm honest with myself, I haven't earned it. 

Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size.  DONE!  I was hoping that by giving up soda for 3 months that I wouldn't want it anymore, but so far that has not happened.  I am still REALLY wanting a soda and look forward to being able to drink one.

Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time.  I exercised twice, for 35 minutes each time.  I started week 4 of Couch 2 5k this week, and I've already gotten in two exercise sessions.  I feel certain I will meet this goal this week. 

Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer.  6/7 days.  I have found the SparkPeople tracker to be kind of tedious to me recently, so I've been keeping track of my calories in a note on the tracker.  It's much faster, and I still get the calories recorded.
 
Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.  100% DONE! 

I did better in some areas this week, but I still have a long way to go.  And even though I haven't been terribly successful, these goals really help me to have focus.  I am already thinking about how/if I want to change them for June.  I know I need to make one of my goals specifically about staying within a certain calorie range.  Right now I have just been trying to get into the habit of logging everything, but it doesn't do me much good to eat 2000+ calories, whether I log them or not! 

We're in the last week of May now, and I know it will be a challenge to be diligent with my goals since it's a holiday weekend and we will be traveling.  All I can do is try my hardest!

May Goals: Week 1 Report

May starting weight: 197.6
Weight as of 5/8/11: 194.8
LOSS of 2.8 pounds!

I am so happy with this weight loss!  I was just thrilled when I saw that number on the scale on Sunday morning.  (Happy Mother's Day to me, haha).  I am well on the way to my goal of losing 4 pounds for the month.  Here's a report on how I did on the rest of my goals.

1.  Lose 4 pounds.  Only 1.2 pounds to go!

2.  Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size.  DONE!  Chocolate called my name ALL.WEEK.LONG, but I stayed strong, even resisting the candy dish at work every time I had to pass by it. I did have more than one serving of tortilla chips on Sunday with  my BBQ nachos, but I did really well the rest of the week.

3.  Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time.  100% DONE!  I finished week 1 of Couch to 5k. 

4.  Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer.  5/7 days.  I slacked off on tracking over the weekend.  I have to get out of the "weekends mean a break from weight loss" mentality that I've allowed myself to slip into.
 
5.  Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.  Again, 5/7 days.  I did great during the week but struggled over the weekend to drink enough. 

I feel really good about how I did the first week of May.  It wasn't perfect, but I think I did fairly well.  I forgot how AMAZING it feels to strive for goals and reach them!  I am going to carry this feeling of victory with me throughout this week, so I can maintain this momentum. 

May 2011 Goals

I'm sneaky.  I made goals for this month on May 1 but am just now sharing them with you.  Honestly, though, this is the first chance I've had to share them.  Those who have read my blog for over a year may recall that I was a big advocate and practitioner of making monthly and even weekly goals, but that goal-setting dropped off substantially once I got pregnant.  Now, however, after my closet meltdown, my sweet husband Stephen encouraged me not to wallow in my dissatisfaction with my weight but to make a plan to change it.  After all, that's exactly what I did on January 21, 2008, and that's exactly how I lost 90 pounds before I got pregnant.  So without further rambling on my part, my weight loss stats and goals for May:

Starting weight (as of May 1): 197.6--Not gonna lie, this number totally depressed me because at one point postpartum the scale got down to 191.  At the time I was sad that it was even that high, but now I'd LOVE to be back at 191! 

Goals:
1.  Lose 4 pounds.  A pound a week is a very modest but reasonable goal for me, especially when time for exercise is at a premium. 
2.  Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size.  Though I usually drink Coke Zero when I have soda so I'm not "drinking" my calories, I find that even drinking that makes me crave regular Coke and causes me to indulge in that more than I should.  It also can prevent me from getting enough water each day, so for the next 3 months I am not going to have any soda.  The same goes for chocolate candy, which I would eat in large quantities every day if I could (Cadbury Eggs, how I miss thee!).  The chips are a problem if I eat them straight out of the bag because I eat WAY more than I need to (hello, Fritos!), but I am going to make sure that if I decide to have chips, I will measure out the appropriate serving size and stop at that. 
3.  Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time.  I know that's only 90 minutes a week, but it's all I can reasonably expect of myself right now, as I'm still trying to figure out a "new normal."
4.  Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer.  This is HUGE for me because when I don't track, I am sure I grossly underestimate the amount of calories I consume.  So even if I only am able to jot stuff down on a piece of paper or in a note on Outlook, I'm tracking my food. 
5.  Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.  For some reason I have struggled with this since having Charlotte, but I have been doing better with this since being at work, which is odd.  I have a water bottle at my desk that I try to refill often, and I think just having it in front of me keeps me mindful of my water intake. 

These goals are very basic, but I'm in a back-to-the-basics place right now.  I am hopeful I can meet all of these goals, and maybe even surpass some of them (like the weight loss and exericse goals).  I will try to report back each week with my progress.  I will weigh in on Sundays, since that's when the first of the month was, but it may not be until later that week before I'm able to update.  I know you'll all be dying of suspense. :) 

Do any of you have some goals for this month, fitness or otherwise?  Share them with me!

One Day at a Time

Thanks to the office being closed this Friday, I am almost finished with my first week back at work, and I couldn't be more relieved!  Monday was really hard.  I was emotionally on edge all day, and when I got back from lunch after being at home and seeing Charlotte, I cried.  I thought about her all day long and just missed her SO much.  Fortunately, Tuesday was a bit better, and then today was better still, but I still think about my sweet baby girl all the time.  Of course, let's face it:  it would be weird if I WEREN'T thinking about her all the time, right??  I am still super anxious about her starting daycare next week, but I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world and that I need to put Charlotte completely in God's hands instead of thinking that I am in control.  He is completely sovereign, and I know He loves Charlotte far more than I can even imagine, so why should I worry?  For now, I have to focus on taking it one day at a time.

I am sad to report that this week the scale informed that I have gained three pounds.  I honestly do not feel as though I could have eaten enough extra calories last week to warrant such a gain, especially because when I was at home with Charlotte I didn't exactly have time to sit around and eat all day.  I was lucky when I was able to get in 3 square meals.  Maybe that was part of the problem, who knows?  Still, seeing that gain completely threw me for a loop and has left me feeling a bit like I will never lose the rest of this weight. I know it hasn't even been 8 weeks since I had Charlotte, but I really thought I would have lost more weight by now.  But if I am 100% honest with myself, it's not as though I have really put in the effort it takes to have lost more weight by this point.  I can't keep eating junk and expect the pounds to melt away just because I am exercising 30 minutes here and there.  That just doesn't make weight loss sense! 

Speaking of exercising 30 minutes here and there, last night I completely Week 1 Day 1 of Couch to 5k!  It was definitely challenging, and as I was struggling through each 60 second jog, I kept thinking, "Was I really able to walk/run 11 miles at one point?!"  I am so out of shape right now that it's hard to believe I did that, but I did, and that means it is still possible!  I don't even know if I want to aim for running 11 miles; at this point I'd be thrilled to run 3!  I am just going to take it one workout at a time and do my best to make Couch to 5k a success for the second time around, and then I will see what other running-related goals I may want to set for the rest of the year. 

Ultimately, my life these days is all about taking things one day at a time.  If I try and think beyond that, I'll drive myself insane.  I cling to the words in Matthew 6:34:  "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Motivation: MIA

I have to be honest.  I am really struggling with feeling motivated about weight loss. What is sad about this is that I should be very motivated for a number of reasons.  Let's list them, shall we?

1.  I have not lost any weight for the past 3 weeks.  In fact, on some days my weight has actually been up a pound or two.
2.  I have very few clothes that fit me properly.  Very few of my pre-pregnancy tops and pants fit me, and my maternity clothes are really too big, but that hasn't stopped me from wearing my maternity jeans just about every day, even though I have to pull them up approximately 82 times. 
3.  I went shopping over the weekend to find something for Easter and couldn't find anything.  Then I got depressed when I tried on several items from the misses section and only one shirt fit.  I couldn't even wear XL in most of the tops.
4.  I ended up buying a top in a section I thought I was through visiting--the plus size section.  (Although I will say that most things I tried on were too big for me.) 

Shouldn't that be enough to motivate me?  #4 especially was upsetting to me yesterday, and yet here I find myself today wondering why I can't get my act together.  I admit that I have struggled to find any sort of routine at home, which makes it hard to figure out when I can exercise or even when I can find time to eat lunch, much less eat a healthy lunch.  And the meals I plan for dinner have leaned more toward convenience than health as well, so I'm certainly not helping myself in that department.  

Ultimately, however, it doesn't matter that I'm not motivated.  In the past when I've been unmotivated to work out or make healthy choices, I've just told myself to fake it until I make it, to not care how I feel but to just do it.  And it worked.  Pushing past times when I've lacked motivation is what helped me lose 90 pounds before, so clearly I can do it. 

So why is it so hard right now?

I don't have an answer for myself, no inspiring words to offer.  But I do know this: I CAN lose weight.  I want and need to lose weight.  The only way I will fail is if I don't even try. 

Back in the Game

I can't believe that Charlotte is already 3 weeks and 3 days old!  I only have 3 more weeks of maternity left, which is a big bummer.  I really hope Charlotte does okay in daycare; she's been a rather fussy newborn, but hopefully things will improve in the next 3 weeks.  She at least has graduated from needing to be held to sleep to sleeping in her bouncy seat, but even then she still needs to be held to fall asleep.  She won't sleep in her crib or cradle for long at all, so we will have to work on that more, especially because she won't fit in her bouncy seat forever! :)

Now that I'm over 3 weeks postpartum, I decided it is more than time for me to begin thinking about fitness and my weight again (not that I haven't thought about my weight already!).  I had 3 weeks to recover and am feeling mostly normal (except for still being sleep-deprived), so there's no reason for me to postpone exercise any longer.  I am hoping to reach my goal weight by the end of the year, so I need to get it in gear! 

My starting weight, as of this morning: 193
My ultimate goal weight: 160
My short term goal weight:  183

I am definitely not a fan of that starting weight, but I have to start somewhere, right?  I am not exactly sure what my last weight on my home scale was before Charlotte came, since I started going by the doctor's scale. I know I weighed 170 when I found out I was pregnant, and I think I gained 40 pounds total, so I guess I've lost roughly 17 pounds since Charlotte was born.  I wish it were more than that, but I'll take what I can get! 

My plan is to exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes each time.  This is a very modest goal, as I know exercise time will be hard to come by, especially once I go back to work, and if I end up working out more than that, great!  Once I go to my 6 week postpartum check-up and get the all-clear, I am going to start Couch to 5k again.  This morning I got in 35 minutes of treadmill time, but I only managed to run for 2 minutes.  I definitely have lost a TON of endurance, which shouldn't surprise me since I stopped running in August, but today showed me how far I have to go.  I'm really excited to get back into exercise, though, and I know that if I keep at it, I can be back to running like I was before I had Charlotte. 

I also am going to go back to faithfully tracking my food with SparkPeople and work on making good food choices so I don't sabotage my fitness efforts.  Even though I have 33 pounds to lose by the end of the year, the good news is I know I can do it because I lost 90 before!  I'll try to blog as much as I can, which may not be much, but I hope you'll follow along!

Goals for 2011

Happy New Year!  So it’s already January 4, and I haven’t posted any goals for this year! I’m keeping it simple this year and going with 3 main goals instead of making so many goals that I end up forgetting about some (or all) of them. 

1. Lose the baby weight. Obviously, I can’t work on this one until I actually have Charlotte, but I am hoping that by the end of the year I can be down to 170. I’d love to be at my final goal weight of 160 by then, but I don’t know if that’s possible or not. The plan is to track my calories on SparkPeople like always and develop a consistent exercise routine post-partum. I’ve lost weight before, so I can do it again, but I admit that I am a little apprehensive since I will be juggling time with Charlotte and Stephen and time at my job, but people do it every day, right? 

2. Read through the Bible. I did this a couple of years ago and would like to do it again. I do well with structured plans for Bible reading, and Stephen and I are using this chronological plan that I am enjoying so far.

3. Complete Couch to 5k a second time and run in at least 3 races by the end of the year. I have missed running a LOT since being pregnant, and I can’t wait to get started on it again, so as soon as I am cleared for exercise post-partum, I am starting C25k again. It kind of pains me to think of having to start ALL. OVER. with my running, but I am hoping it won’t be as hard since I know I can do it. If the running goes well, I just may consider training for a half marathon again, but we will see. 

That’s it for my goals. I think having 3 large goals to work on will help me stay focused, and I hope that I can look back on the year with pride at what I have accomplished. 

What are your goals for 2011? What are you doing to make sure you reach them?

Put Your Mind to It, Go For It, Get Down and Break a Sweat

The baby is 12 weeks old now and the size of a lime. For a more detailed description of the baby's development this week, see the baby blog that Stephen created! I love this line from the babycenter.com description: "His face looks unquestionably human." Aw.

It's no secret that the pregnancy has caused me to feel quite exhausted, and I have not been very disciplined in keeping up my exercise routine. I have averaged about one workout a week for the past 2-3 weeks, and I need to change that. Exercise is good for me and good for the baby and is even supposed to help prepare my body for labor (and goodness knows I need all the preparation I can get for that!). I have not been very disciplined in this area, and while I know that rest is good, laziness isn't, and there definitely have been days that I wasn't as tired and yet still didn't exercise.

So here's my plan: Exercise in the mornings 4 days a week. I've tried it in the evenings after work, but by then I'm even more tired, and it's easier to talk myself out of it, so it really needs to be in the morning. Stephen has promised to help me get up in the mornings, so that should prevent me from continuing to sleep after the alarm has gone off, as I have done pretty much every morning.

I know exercising will make me feel better and give me more energy and provide health benefits, so why NOT do it? I will report back in a week to let you know how I did!

(Bonus points if you can name the show that featured the song lyrics referenced in my title!)