Sit 5 Minutes

About 4-6 weeks ago, Charlotte decided she was through with her easy bedtime routine. Before that, we would feed her dinner, give her a bath, get her into her pjs, and then we would read a few stories, sing a few songs, and end with a prayer. We would put her in her crib, kiss her goodnight, and off to dreamland she'd go, usually by 6:30. It was blessedly easy. Then, all of a sudden, she decided bedtime wasn't so great after all, and she started coming up with what can only be described as stalling techniques. She'd ask for milk, water, a towel (yes, a towel), a doll, hair bows--you name it, she probably asked for it. Then she'd whine and cry for many more minutes before finally giving up and going to sleep.

I'm not sure how it began, but one night I sat with her in her rocking chair after she refused to go to sleep, and she asked me to sing. I couldn't refuse such a request, so sing I did: "Jesus Loves Me," "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," "My God Is So Big," etc. I enjoyed the extra snuggle time, and she calmed down and went to sleep when I finished. Then she asked again the next night, and I told her I would but only for 5 minutes. It didn't take long for her to start asking to "sit 5 minutes" with me before bed. It didn't put an end to the litany of requests, but it did shorten it, and she usually goes to bed more willingly. I never intended to start singing and rocking as part of our regular routine, but every night after we've finished our books and said our prayers, Charlotte kisses her daddy good night and then turns to me with that infectious smile of hers and asks, "Sit 5 minutes?"

Those 5 minutes have become one of the favorite parts of my day. Maybe that's why sometimes it's more like 10 minutes. :) I confess that initially I was a little annoyed that something else had been added to our bedtime routine, but I quickly realized how precious this time is--this sacred shared time between mother and daughter. During those 5 minutes, I soak in her presence, memorize the feel of her skin, the adorable curve of her nose, the curl of her chubby little toes. And I clung to her a little tighter last night after hearing the heartbreaking news coming out of Oklahoma. Each day is a gift, and I want to savor it. I know one day she'll be too big to sit in my lap. One day she'll tire of my company. One day instead of wanting to hear me sing, she'll want me to just leave her alone. But today is not that day, and so I sang and prayed to God with gratitude for my sweet girl.

One day, I'll be the one saying to her, "Sit 5 minutes?" I hope she will always say yes in reply.

My Third Mother's Day

This weekend was my third time to celebrate Mother's Day, and it was a wonderful weekend. We spent Saturday at the zoo, and we couldn't have asked for more perfect weather. It was Charlotte's first time at the zoo, and though we got off to a rocky start due to some monkeys scaring her while we were eating lunch, she ended up having a great time! She especially loved watching the sea lions and polar bears and also liked the elephants and hippo. She also got excited every time we saw a bird or a squirrel, even though we have no shortage of those in our own backyard. :) We purchased a family membership, so I foresee many more zoo trips in our future!

This one's my favorite

Snack time with Pops. Her mouth is full of food, but at least she's smiling!

This was the best family pic we could get.

Sunday we went to my parents' church, and Charlotte ended up coming to the service with us. She did NOT want to get dropped off in the nursery, and they were a little unorganized at first, trying to figure out which classroom she would be in, so we just took her with us. She was wriggly and not the quietest, but overall she did pretty well. Stephen did end up taking her out in the hallway near the end of the service, but she did pretty great for a toddler. After church we tried to take pictures, but Charlotte has a personal objection to posed pictures and often makes it difficult to get a good picture of her. We managed to get a few, and though they didn't turn out perfect, I know when I look at them years later I'll remember her sassy, spunky personality.

Happy girl. I love love love pigtails.

My mom and me. At least we can take a decent picture. :)

I finished off the day with a 2.22 mile run around our neighborhood. It was around dusk, and the temperature had cooled off, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I ran last Mother's Day as well, and I think it's going to be a new tradition.

I hope all of you who are moms had a wonderful Mother's Day, or those who aren't at least were able to celebrate their moms. To those for whom the day is painful, know that I prayed for you as well.

How was your weekend?

Motherhood: It's Not a Competition

I was listening to a podcast this morning, a conversation between two bloggers I happen to admire and respect, and all of a sudden I was blindsided by this remark: “Going to work is like taking a vacation.” I don’t think I could have felt more shocked had this blogger smacked me across the face, so wounded did I feel at that comment. The blogger was talking about the challenges of being a mom and staying at home with the kids all day, and I believe her comment was directed towards the men who “get” to go to work and have adult conversations and go to the bathroom unattended by their children and eat meals that are still warm. Given all that, she said, working is like a vacation compared to the constant demands of children all day long. To be fair, I don't think this blogger meant anything harmful by the comment, and it was not even a main part of the conversation. Perhaps I am being overly sensitive, and perhaps had I heard this comment on another day, I would have laughed about it. 

I get what she said, I really do. I know that being a stay at home mom is HARD. I have many friends who are SAHMs (in fact the majority of my friends are SAHMs), and I have seen their weary faces after a day of kids who didn’t nap. It’s hard, and I have so much admiration for SAHMs.

Here’s what wounded me about the comment this blogger made: it implied that somehow being a working mom isn’t hard. That I “get” to go to work every day and forget about my kid and have a carefree, blissful existence until 5:00 p.m. rolls around. That I don’t have to deal with cleaning up messes all day long and chasing after a toddler and fighting nap time and trying to cajole a stubborn toddler into eating a vegetable or two. That I have the easy life.

And it’s true: I don’t have to chase around my toddler all day long. Instead, I “get” to drop her off at daycare, where she’ll spend the majority of her day away from me. She’ll live 40+ hours of her week outside of my presence, and that is hard. Even though Charlotte is over 2 years old, some days I can barely breathe for how much I miss her. In exchange for this, I “get” to go to work and deal with stress and deadlines and demanding clients and errands and piles of paper, day after day. I “get” to let someone else have fun with my kid, get hugs from my kid, watch my kid learn and grow and develop.  Then when I get done with my “vacation,” my day in some ways just begins. I pick up my daughter, I take her home and try to find something she won’t immediately reject as dinner, I bathe her, wrestle her into her pajamas with my sweet husband’s help, and convince her that bedtime is not the end of the world. Then there is dinner to make, a house to straighten, a floor that ALWAYS needs to be cleaned, etc. Just like that mom that stays home all day with her kids and tries to come up with yet another craft to make on a rainy day, I too am tired at the end of the day.  I too just want a break. 

Being a working mom is not my first choice, but it is what has to be right now, and I am thankful that I have a job that helps me contribute to our family. But even if working outside the home were my first choice, that doesn’t mean that I would be exempt from struggling as a mother. The truth is, NO mom has the easy life. Whether a mom works outside of the home or works in the home, being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world (and so, for that matter, is being a dad). Can we all just agree on that and stop with the judgments, stop with the assumption that the “other side” (whomever that may include) has it easier? Can we remember, to borrow from High School Musical (which I promise never to do again), that we're all in this together? 

Let’s go out for some ice cream, share a hug, and laugh until we can’t breathe. That is just the kind of vacation I need.

A Matter of Perspective

Have you all seen the new Dove ad campaign? If not, here's the video (I highly recommend watching it):



I actually teared up the first time I saw this video. You can see how the faces of the women change as they look at the two portraits side by side. You can see the women realize how their view of themselves is vastly different from that of an outsider. What a powerful example of how distorted our image of ourselves is! I am sure had I been apart of this experiment, I would have described myself in far more negative terms than a stranger would have. I have struggled for years with seeing myself in a negative light, and of course I realize that it has affected how I carry myself and how I interact with others and even how I let others into my world, but this video led me to examine my perspective once again.

As I watched it a second time, I kept thinking about how I want Charlotte to grow up with a healthy body image, how I want her to be carefree and unencumbered by concerns of what others think of her. My daughter is beautiful, and there are few things that light up my soul like seeing her beaming face looking at mine, and I want her to always have that joy. I have no idea how to ensure that those hopes become reality. I can't pinpoint the exact moment in my own history when I decided I wasn't pretty, but I pray that that moment never comes for Charlotte.

I know that I am going to pray regularly that God will help me protect the heart of my sweet girl, and I will pray that He will give me the wisdom needed to guide her as she grows older. And I will pray that she knows the truth that she is beautiful and beloved by the King, regardless of what the mirror may tell her.

Five Minute Friday: Freeze Frame

I'm linking up with Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. This week's prompt: opportunity. Join the fun!

“She went down fine, no protests,” I tell Stephen. But minutes later, cries break through the quiet. Not so fine after all. After waiting a few minutes to see if the cries subside, I finally decide to go and check on her—just this once—to see if she is okay. I could leave her alone, and some nights I do, but tonight I cannot resist her calls. I enter the darkened room and find her sitting up, looking forlorn, cheeks wet with tears, chest heaving with little sobs. Her arms rise instantly at the sight of me, and how can I resist such an invitation? I sweep her up, head to shoulder, heart to heart, rubbing her back and humming softly.

“Shhh, shh,” I whisper, touching the silky softness of her hair. “Mommy loves you. It’s okay.”

More than okay.  For here, in this moment, mother and daughter, I feel my purpose. Love wells up within me, spills out like so much water from a gushing stream.  Here, in this moment, I want to freeze time, savor the feel of small fingers touching mine, tiny legs wrapped tightly around me. 

I want to remember her always like this, arms stretched up, eyes on me alone.

Sometimes It's Just Hard

Because of Stephen's work schedule during the fall and spring semesters (he works 9:30-6:00), I have the happy job of picking Charlotte up from daycare, whereas he has the not-so-fun job of dropping her off  (except for Fridays, when I handle both). Dropping off has always been hard, but now that Charlotte has developed some separation anxiety, it's become even harder. Some days aren't so bad: she'll start to cry but then go to one of her teachers with open arms and be fine before we're even out of the room. Other days, like today, are torture: she started to cry before I even put her down, and the crying only got louder once I did put her down. She stood there, looking up at me with huge tears leaving a trail down her face, mouth wide open in distress. I wanted to cry just looking at her.  I assured her that I loved her and that I was coming back, and one of her little friends even came over and put her hand on Charlotte's shoulder (cutest thing EVER), but Charlotte howled through all of it. I'm sure she thought I was abandoning her. Reluctantly, guiltily, I tore myself away, shutting the door behind me as her little cries continued.

I'll be honest: being a working mom breaks my heart sometimes. It's a financial necessity for our family right now, and I am thankful that we are able to place her in a safe environment while we are away, but it's hard every day. I know that Charlotte benefits from being around the other babies, and her teachers are good to her, and I know that she's not being scarred for life. After all, I myself grew up going to daycare, and I loved it. My mom would tell me how she would come to pick up my brother and me and we wouldn't want to leave because we were having fun (I'm sure that day is coming for me, too). I never questioned my parents' love for me or felt abandoned; my mom and dad showed their love for me every day, and I know that Stephen and I will do the same with Charlotte.

Still, while I have come to accept my status as a working mom most days, on days like today the guilt and sadness lingers when I am at work and my baby is with someone else. At least I have the comfort of knowing that even when I can't watch over Charlotte, my Lord is always watching over her. He is the Creator of her heart and Seeker of her soul. I need to rest in His provision and protection and sovereignty and model this so that one day Charlotte will be able to do the same.

Reflections on Breastfeeding

Why am I writing a post on breastfeeding right now, almost a year after I quit breastfeeding Charlotte? The truth is I've had variations of this post drafted in my head, but I never had enough courage to post anything for fear of being judged as a bad mother. Motherhood is an intensely personal experience for me, and breastfeeding in particular is an intensely personal thing. However, I have decided to share my experience in the hopes that some young mom who is also having a hard time will stumble across this post and take comfort in the fact that she is not alone.

I struggled mightily with breastfeeding Charlotte due to an improper latch that I could not correct no matter how hard I tried.  When I did eventually stop breastfeeding and switch to formula when Charlotte was only 4 weeks old, I tortured myself about it for days--months even. There are moments even now, almost a year later, when I still think, "I should have kept trying."

But in those early days, I didn't see how I could keep trying. I was mentally exhausted from having to psych myself up for every feeding, only to have it be painful and stressful; I was physically exhausted because of the lack of sleep that accompanies caring for a newborn; and I was emotionally exhausted because I never expected the basic act of feeding my child to be so painfully difficult. It wasn't as if I didn't try: I read books, blog posts and forum discussions; I watched online videos; I sought help from friends; I visited a lactation consultant. Still the problems with latching persisted, and every feeding was a source of extreme anguish for me. I cried and prayed and cried some more. I tried pumping as well, but was barely able to pump enough to keep up with Charlotte, and pumping was also painful. I didn't know what else to do.

Despite assurances from Stephen that it was okay if we had to switch to formula, I wrestled with the decision. The truth is, I felt like a failure for not being able to do what only a mother can--breastfeed. Almost all of my friends with children breastfed their babies, so of course I felt like less of a mother when it didn't work out for me.  In some strange way I even felt as though I must have let all of my friends down, though I know they would never say that.  In addition, I felt like I let Charlotte down, which I know is ridiculous.  She had no expectations, no realization of what was going on. All she knew is that when she was hungry, she would be fed, and it was enough for her. But not for me.

What convinced me to give it a rest and switch to formula were my feelings toward Charlotte. While I had loved her from the moment I held her in my arms, I had begun to feel resentment toward her because she wouldn't "cooperate" and latch properly. (Even writing that makes me cringe inside.) These feelings made me feel terrible, and the last thing I wanted to do was resent my sweet baby girl. And while I truly believed that breastmilk is best (and still do), I also knew that it was best for Charlotte to have a mom who wasn't stressed and verging on an emotional breakdown. 

The amount of relief I felt when I finally gave up was tremendous. I felt such a burden lift from my soul, and I was able to focus more fully on Charlotte instead of obsessing about breastfeeding 24 hours a day. Our family was happier, and I was calmer and less anxious and tearful.

Anyone who is a mother is familiar with "mom guilt," and I became acquainted with it very early on in my days as a mother. I want to say I have made my peace with stopping breastfeeding, but I still mourn the loss of those months of nursing that I didn't have. Every time Charlotte got an ear infection, I wondered if it was because I didn't breastfeed her longer. I cringed inwardly the first few times we had to buy formula because it is expensive and breastfeeding is free. I secretly blamed myself when she got tubes, telling myself that if I had just breastfed her, her immune system would have been stronger, and she wouldn't have had so many problems. In the end, none of that matters.  I can't go back and change the past. I can't erase what's already been done. I have to stop myself when I go down that road of guilt and remorse because it takes me away from the peace of Christ. Guilt is not constructive; it is a tool of the enemy, and I have to recognize it and work against it before it consumes me. 

I don't know why breastfeeding didn't work out for me, but I know that God ordained Charlotte for our family, and I take great comfort in the fact that she is growing and thriving and happy and healthy. Ultimately, what more could I ask for?

Looking Back

It's Charlotte's birthday week! She turns one on March 4, so in honor of her birthday, I'll be dedicating all of this week's posts to her. To start things off, here's one of the last pictures of me before Charlotte came, taken when I was 2 days shy of being 40 weeks pregnant:

Goodness, I hadn't looked at that picture in a while! I forgot how BIG I had gotten. For most of my pregnancy, I got the "you don't even look that pregnant" comment, which drove me crazy because I wanted to have a nice big belly. I'm pretty sure no one said I didn't look that pregnant when I was 40 weeks. :)

The weeks leading up to Charlotte's birth were so exciting and filled with anticipation. What would she look like? (Adorable.) When would she come? (3 days after her due date.) Would my water break in some awkward location? (No, thank goodness. My water actually never broke on its own.) Would I succeed in my plans to have a natural birth? (Yes!) What would breastfeeding be like? (Challenging and emotional. More on that later.) I wrote in a blog post almost exactly a year ago today: 

What has been hardest is not knowing when she will come.  Every day I wake up thinking, "Maybe today," and at night when I go to bed, I think, "Will she come in the middle of the night?"  (Stephen has gotten in the habit of asking me when we wake up in the morning, "So your baby didn't come last night?"  He's such the comedian.)  Stephen and I are both so excited to meet this little one we've been dreaming about and planning for, and so the waiting is just about to drive me nuts!   

Fortunately, the wait didn't last forever, and she did come. We had no idea of the journey that was before us, and that was probably a good thing. :) 

Poor Baby

Yesterday when I picked up Charlotte from daycare, her teacher informed me that two kids from her class were sent home because they were throwing up. Great, I thought. I prayed as I drove home that she wouldn't get it, but about 5 minutes before we got home, I heard the unmistakeable sound of vomiting from the backseat. Sure enough, when I got home and opened the back door of the car, I saw poor Charlotte absolutely covered in puke. And bless her heart, she SMILED at me when I opened the door just because she was happy to see me! She continued to throw up every 30-45 minutes until around 9:30. Those were some long, stressful (and messy!) hours. IT is awful to see my baby sick and hurting and be helpless to make it stop. Finally, it seemed as though her tummy had calmed down, and she fell asleep for the night a little before 11:00.

She ended up sleeping until almost 6, and since she'd gone all night without getting sick again, we decided to try giving her a bottle. She kept it down, and I went to work while Stephen stayed home with her. She kept down a second bottle as well, and we were hopeful that all was well. But then she threw up the third bottle in the afternoon, and she's been pretty unhappy since then, except for the nap she took.  We've been giving her a teaspoon of Pedialyte every 30ish minutes per our doctor's instructions, and I hope that keeps her from being too dehydrated. She's sleeping now, and I can only pray that she gets some rest and wakes up feeling better. 

The bright side of this is that I get to stay home with her tomorrow and snuggle! I hope all of you are feeling well!

Charlotte at 8 Months

Charlotte turned 8 months old on Friday! I just took her 8 month pictures on Sunday, and it is getting trickier and trickier to 1) keep her still long enough for a photo and 2) keep her from eating the photo props. I gave up on the blocks altogether because she just kept lunging at them and trying to devour them, and while it was completely hilarious and adorable, it didn't make for cute pictures. I even went with 2 different outfits this time, in the hopes that I would get at least one PERFECT shot out of the bunch. The ones I like best aren't perfect, but they're still pretty adorable because my girl? She's got cuteness in spades. See?

At 8 months, Charlotte:

1. Is *so close* to crawling. She army crawls like a pro, and she spends a good bit of time on all fours, rocking back and forth.

2. Can stand up if holding onto something else. To get photographic proof, I stuck her in the empty diaper box:

She had great fun standing in there. Her open mouth smile is my favorite.

3. Gets tickled every time she looks in a mirror. She will spend many minutes in front of one, giggling or babbling to herself. She even has banged her head against the mirror in her attempts to get super close to her mirror image.

4. Has learned to clap. She finds great amusement in doing this multiple times a day and can do it on command if we mimic the movement. It's what she's doing in the following picture:

And a more composed version:

5. Is becoming more attached to certain toys. Sometimes she gets upset when we take certain toys away, although she soon moves on to something else.

6. Giggles and grins when we play peekaboo.

7.  Loves to be held upside down by her daddy.

8.  Loves to take a bath. She can be in a terrible mood, but put her in a bath and she's a new girl. She will splash and gum her bath toys and have a merry time in her infant tub. It's so fun.

9. Eats like a champ. I have thus far made all of her baby food and hope to continue doing so.

10. Is working on mastering the sippy cup. She is able to get some liquid out, but I think at this point she prefers to simply chew on the handle and spout.

11. Can pick up little Gerber puffs with her fingers. She even manages to get some in her mouth every now and then!

12. Bears a striking resemblance to Jackie O:

I am not sure exactly what she weighs, but she definitely weighs at least 20 pounds, since she was 19-something when we took her to the doctor a few weeks back. She is scheduled to get tubes in her ears on November 15, about which I am both sad and relieved. She had 3 ear infections in the span of 4 months, and one lasted the entire month and required 4 different rounds of antibiotics. I am dreading the actual procedure because she has to have anesthesia, but I've heard from so many people what a difference it made for their children, so I'm hopeful it will help Charlotte and allow her to have a healthy and happy winter. I really can't believe I have an 8-month-old. It will be time for her first birthday before I know it!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Once upon a time, I was a young girl. A baby, even. And I had a red dress.

Fast forward 29 years, and I had a girl of my own. It was only natural that she should wear my red dress, too.

The years have been good to the dress. And to me. I am blessed.

P.S. Don't forget to enter my giveaway to win Christmas cards from Shutterfly!

Life Lately

Charlotte is growing and changing SO much. She's started sleeping through the night for about 12 hour stretches (Praise the Lord!), and she's so happy to see us in the morning. She is rolling all around and has discovered that being on her belly is not the torture she previously acted like it was. She even (gasp!) sleeps on her belly now. She also randomly gets stuck underneath our bed when she rolls all about the bedroom, haha.

She recently tried sweet potatoes for the first time, and we got the moment on video. It's pretty hilarious.

She didn't like them, and she still doesn't really love them. She does seem to like carrots okay, and next is butternut squash.

I've also introduced her to the sippy cup, with mixed results. She loves to hold it and bang it on her high chair (who wouldn't love that), and she loves to put it in her mouth (as she does with everything), but she hasn't quite figured out how to get the liquid out of it.

She's even begun to have tea parties:

 

And she still falls asleep sometimes while eating: 

I could not love that little face more.  Life lately? It's glorious.

Charlotte at 6 Months

Have I really been a mother for half a year already? It hardly seems possible. I think I fall more in love with Charlotte every day. Her personality is really starting to come out now. She is super observant and doesn't miss a thing. She loves watching people's faces and is curious about everything around her. She's not quick to laugh, but when she does laugh she does it with her whole spirit. She smiles with her eyes as well as her mouth. Her daddy can make her laugh more than just about anyone/anything else. Her eyes light up when we pick her up from daycare. She knows we love her and that we are hers, and she is ours.

The fact that God chose her for us and us for her still blows me away. I feel blessed each day I wake up and see her sweet face smiling up at me.

At 6 months, Charlotte:

• weighs 17 pounds, 11 ounces (almost 11 pounds more than she weighed at birth and between the 75th and 90th percentile!)
• is 27 inches long (in the 90th percentile)
• has a head with a 45 cm cicrumfrence (95th percentile-haha. Her head has to be big enough to hold her genius brain.)
• wears 6-9 month clothes
• still loves jumping in her Jumperoo
• grins and squeals and babbles more than ever
• has outgrown her beloved bouncer (sniff sniff) and has upgraded to this fabulous seat
• has begun eating oatmeal with true gusto and is going to graduate to veggies this weekend when Mommy has time to make some for her
• has learned that a bottle contains food and now opens her mouth really wide and wiggles her arms and legs furiously when she sees it
• still wakes up randomly in the middle of the night but is learning how to put herself back to sleep because her cruel parents are letting her work it out on her own
• can sit up unassisted for several minutes before toppling forward or backward
• is known as Char, Char Mar, Squirmy Wormy, Roley Poley, Munchkin, Lil' Bit
• has mastered rolling from back to tummy and tummy to back 
• has two bottom teeth (which arrived on September 4, the very day she turned 6 months old!)
• is the most wonderful, adorable blessing that we can't begin to deserve. 

Calling All Moms...

Here's the deal.  Charlotte learned how to roll from her back to her belly earlier this month, and there was much cheering and rejoicing.  However, it seems that when she learned this, she forgot how to roll from her belly to her back, which is something she learned in her third month. This amuses us a bit because now that Char has mastered the back-to-belly roll, she pretty much does it automatically whenever we lay her down anywhere. And then she gets upset because she can't figure out how to get back on her back, so she'll grunt and squirm and move her little legs, trying so hard to turn back over without success.  If this were only a daytime occurrence, all would be well.

HOWEVER.

At least once a night we awake to the sound of Charlotte crying (or sometimes shrieking) because she has rolled onto her belly in her sleep and is stuck that way.  So we go in, flip her over, and leave the room.  Sometimes this works and she's back in dream world with no other problems, but on other nights, the rolling over process seems to wake her up, and she's nice and alert and not interested in sleeping even though it's 3 a.m. (an hour when no sane person wants to be awake). 

So I'm asking you, my wise and wonderful readers, what can we do about this? Has anyone else experienced this with their own children?  Is it normal that she's temporarily forgotten the tummy-to-back roll?  Is there any way to prevent her from rolling over aside from strapping her down (which of course we briefly considered wouldn't do)? 

Please, please, oh please help a mother out! 

Kicks and Giggles

I think it's much more fun to look at cute babies than write about weight gain, don't you? And it just so happens that I have a cute baby! See?

That sweet little face just makes my heart melt!  Charlotte is literally getting bigger every day.  I don't weigh her every day or anything, but I just know she is.  She is smiling a ton and has even given us a few little gigles, and she just started rolling over earlier this week!  Of course, the minute I tried to capture this impressive feat on camera, she wouldn't do it.  She LOVES playing with her activity gym and batting at the toys hanging from the toy bar on her bouncer all while kicking her chubby little legs furiously. It's so fun to see her discovering new things and realizing that this world is a big, big place. 

Unfortunately, after giving us about 1-2 blissful weeks of peace at night, the little stinker has not slept for 8 hours at a time at all recently. We're not really sure what has changed, but she's still super young, so we're just waiting for the day when those longer sleep stretches stick.  Right now she's going to sleep between 8:00 and 8:30 (usually after much fighting--why oh why does she fight the sleep??), waking up around 2 or 3 and then sleeping until 6:30 or 7.  Now that I'm typing it out doesn't seem that terrible, and it wouldn't be that terrible if she wouldn't wake up randomly in between those longer stretches.  She will have little moments of crying out in the middle of the night, and sometimes she will go back to sleep on her own but usually one of us has to go in there and either give her the pacifier or hold her for a minute before she goes back down.  I'm trying to treasure these times, though, because she's still small enough to snuggle in my arms, and I know that won't always be the case. 

Basically, she's a delight, and I couldn't be more in love!

Oh, and before I forget, I'd like to extend a welcome to the new followers of my blog.  I'm sure you are here because of all the mediocre weight loss I've been posting about, right? :)

My First Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day was fantastic!  First, Stephen gave me a necklace with Charlotte's birthstone, aquamarine.  Such a thoughtful gift!  Then, this morning at church was Charlotte's baby dedication.  Several families dedicated their children to the Lord this morning, and it was so special.  Charlotte was completely zonked out for the entire service, but she still looked adorable! 

My parents, brother and sister-in-law and nephew, and all my grandparents came to the service today, which meant so much to me.  After church, we all went to our house and had BBQ nachos.  My fabulous mom was sweet enough to bring all the food PLUS paper plates and cups and napkins and forks, so Stephen and I wouldn't have to do anything.  I just love my mom.  We took the opportunity of being together to take some pictures:

Four generations together!

Both of my grandmothers with Charlotte



My mom surprised me with a cake with Charlotte's picture on it!  Isn't it neat?  It was slightly weird to be eating my daughter, though. :)

Isn't my mom beautiful?

It's hard to believe that last year I wasn't a mom.  I am so grateful for the great blessing, privilege, and challenge of being a mother.  My heart goes out to those for whom Mother's Day is a less than joyful day.  I pray God's grace would be known to the hurting and the jubilant both. 

Learning

Things I've Learned About Charlotte:

1.  She's NOT a fan of having her diaper changed or getting her clothes changed.  She starts screaming, and then the minute the diaper is in place or the last button is buttoned, she stops.

2.  She has a myriad of amusing facial expressions, one of which is reminiscent of the "Blue Steel" look from Zoolander.  We hope to capture this on video at some point.

3.  She has a very strong sucking reflex but has trouble opening her mouth up wide, which causes problems in the breastfeeding area.

4.  She does NOT like having the hiccups.  They shake her whole tiny body and make her rather upset.

5.  She likes being in her bouncy seat and riding in the stroller, but she's only sometimes a fan of sleeping in her crib or cradle.

6.  She loves to be held and cuddled.

7.  When she is hungry, she must eat RIGHT. THEN.


Things I've Learned About Motherhood:

1.  It's hard.  Really, really hard.

2.  Breastfeeding is really, really hard.  No one ever talks about this, and even though I knew it would probably be a challenge, I had no idea how much of a challenge it would actually be.  I have cried during feedings, prayed during feedings, been relieved when feedings are over.  It has tested me like nothing else has.  I still don't know if I will be able to continue doing it, but I am trying to be patient and persevere in the hopes that it will get better, as many have told me it will.

3.  Being a mom has strengthened my prayer life tremendously.  Never have I felt so completely my need for a Savior as I do now, and I pray for wisdom and strength and courage and patience many, many times a day.

4.  Though motherhood is really, really hard, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  How can I, when I have this sweet little face to look at?