Five Minute Friday: Freeze Frame

I'm linking up with Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. This week's prompt: opportunity. Join the fun!

“She went down fine, no protests,” I tell Stephen. But minutes later, cries break through the quiet. Not so fine after all. After waiting a few minutes to see if the cries subside, I finally decide to go and check on her—just this once—to see if she is okay. I could leave her alone, and some nights I do, but tonight I cannot resist her calls. I enter the darkened room and find her sitting up, looking forlorn, cheeks wet with tears, chest heaving with little sobs. Her arms rise instantly at the sight of me, and how can I resist such an invitation? I sweep her up, head to shoulder, heart to heart, rubbing her back and humming softly.

“Shhh, shh,” I whisper, touching the silky softness of her hair. “Mommy loves you. It’s okay.”

More than okay.  For here, in this moment, mother and daughter, I feel my purpose. Love wells up within me, spills out like so much water from a gushing stream.  Here, in this moment, I want to freeze time, savor the feel of small fingers touching mine, tiny legs wrapped tightly around me. 

I want to remember her always like this, arms stretched up, eyes on me alone.

Race Report: H&M Relay for Life 5k

I'm going to call this race The One That Got Away. It didn't go at all how I'd hoped, but I still enjoyed myself. I signed up with the sole goal of getting a PR (personal record). My previous best in a 5k race was 33:12, set in March 2010. Recently I've been consistently running miles in the 10:30-10:45 range, so I had high hopes that I could beat that 33:12 time, especially since I'd run 3.1 miles the Sunday before in 32:48. In addition, the race was advertised as "flat and fast," so everything seemed to indicate a PR for me.

The race wasn't very organized, and the instructions we got at the starting line about where the turn-around was were slightly unclear. I just hoped that there would be people around me I could follow so I would know what I was doing. After several minutes, the race finally started. I let a bunch of people pass me, as is my usual practice, and focused on finding a good pace for me. The first mile was indeed nice and flat, and I finished it in 10:11, which is a new personal best for me. I was feeling good, if not a little warm. There were quite a few runners around me for the first mile, and then slowly some began to fall behind while others raced ahead of me. Before I knew it I was running by myself, which always seems to happen to me in races. It was around this point that I saw spray-painted on the road "5k turn," and I saw several runners ahead of me turning there. But what I also saw was that someone had written in chalk over that and had drawn arrows up ahead to signal that the turn for this race was still a little bit up the road. So I kept going after trying unsuccessfully to tell the others that they were turning at the wrong place. There was a water station at the turn, and though I wanted to get clarification about the turn, two other women were talking to him and I didn't want to lose time by stopping, so I turned around and kept going. I didn't see a mile marker for mile 2 and missed the alarm on my Garmin, so I had no idea when I actually finished 2 miles but knew I had more to go. My pace had slowed considerably because there was more of an incline at this part of the course, but I was still hopeful for a PR as I made my way back to the finish line and tried to pick up my pace. I saw my pace go down to 9:48 at several points, which made me happy.

However, as I approached the finish, I looked down at my Garmin and saw that I had gone 2.8 miles and was already at 30 minutes. I was so disappointed and knew there was no way I would get a PR, and I was also confused because I was still a good distance from the finish line at that point. Still, I kept my pace good and strong and tried to finish as fast as I could. The finish line was actually inside the minor league baseball stadium, which was cool, and I saw Stephen and Charlotte right before the finish and waved and gave a thumbs up.  Finally, I crossed the finish, and someone called out my name over a loudspeaker, which I loved.

(One of the few pics Stephen managed to get while he juggled a squirmy toddler.) 

Stephen also filmed a video as I rounded the bases before the finish line. It's cute because you can hear Charlotte saying "Mama."

What I did NOT love was the time I saw on the finish clock and on my Garmin: 34:49. I was even more frustrated when I saw that according to my Garmin I had actually run 3.37 miles and not 3.1. I didn't know what to make of this, and I still don't. A friend on Facebook suggested that I didn't run the tangents of the course, which is definitely possible, but there weren't all that many curves in the course . It's also possible that my Garmin gave an inaccurate reading, but it's never been off by such a wide margin before, and the sky was completely clear and unobstructed during the whole race. If there had been mile markers along the course I could have had a better idea of how my Garmin was matching up to the course.  Only mile 1 was marked (and my Garmin was right on track with it), and then they marked every kilometer, which wasn't at all helpful.

Average pace if indeed I ran 3.1 miles: 11:13
Average pace for 3.37 miles according to my Garmin: 10:19

Placement:
6/16 in my age group
13/36 females
33/61 overall

Even though I was pretty disappointed after it was over, I still did well and didn't walk at all. I also finished in the middle of the pack in each category, whereas I normally rank near the bottom. Plus, I got a technical shirt and water bottle with my registration, and I do love some good swag! :)

Now I need to find another race to sign up for so I can get that new PR!

Before and After

I was long overdue for a haircut, and I decided it was time for a change.

Before...

 
After...

I'm still getting used to it since it's been about 4 years since my hair has been this short, but I think I like it. It feels nice to have something shorter for summer.

(Insert Title Here)

I compose blog posts in my head all the time, and yet when I find the time to actually sit down and write, the words don’t come. There's a lot on my mind that I can't really discuss on the blog. I know that’s rather cryptic, but it will have to do for now. :) Here’s just a bit of what else is going on:

1. I have made it halfway through my 30 day exercise challenge! I am loving the challenge and feel great about working out every day. I even am considering extending the challenge for another 30 days!

2. In two weeks Stephen and I are going on a vacation to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. We’re going to visit Chattanooga and Atlanta, and I am so excited to spend time with my hubs and to SLEEP IN. Stephen’s parents are keeping Charlotte for the 5 days we’ll be gone, and while I am grateful that they’re doing that, I am going to have a hard time leaving my baby for that long.

3. I managed not to take a SINGLE picture on Mother's Day. Epic fail. Last Mother's Day I took probably 100 pictures. Oh well!

4. On Mother's Day I decided to run a 5k as fast as I could, and I set a PR for myself: 32:48! It's my best time ever to run that distance, races included. I also ran my fastest mile ever in 10:31. Not fast for many runners, but it was hard for me! My goal is to eventually run a 10:00 mile, so I'm getting closer!

5. Speaking of 5ks, I registered to run my 4th 5k race this Saturday! I'm excited, as it's my first 5k since Charlotte was born. So basically I ran a 4 miler and half marathon before a 5k. I like doing things backwards. :)

6. I've been to a Zumba class at the Y 3 times now, and each class has had about 10 people at the most, which kind of unnerved me at first, since most other Zumba classes I've been to have had at least 20 or 30 people. Once I got over the smallness of the class, though, I was able to have fun and shake my groove thang.

Happy Thursday, everyone! What's new with you?

Five Minute Friday: It's Not About the Doughnut

This week's prompt for Five Minute Friday is "Identity." Here goes...

I have wanted to stuff my face with food all day. I woke up thinking of doughnuts. I worked until lunch thinking of doughnuts, until my thoughts then switched to french fries. It would have been easy for me to get in my car and drive to McDonald’s and order a burger and fries. But I didn’t. Instead I sit here, writing about it.

I cannot shake my love of food. I dream about food sometimes, always look forward to my next meal, always wish I could have just a little more of a food that tastes really good. I eat with abandon much of the time, and sometimes even I am astonished at how quickly the food disappears.

I want to be healthy, but how can I when all of my thoughts–and sometimes my actions–are anything but? How can I be healthy when I am just a few binges away from a 10 pound weight gain? It takes so much work to lose 5 pounds, and yet I can regain those pounds in a day if I am not careful. And I am sure I don’t LOOK healthy–173 pounds is not exactly trim, and cellulite doesn't lie.

I tell myself that it doesn’t matter how much I weigh and that what is important is what’s on the inside, and of course this is true. I know that God loves me and created me and that He DELIGHTS in me, and yet here I sit, thinking not of Him, but of food. I have allowed food the power in my life, have given it permission to hijack my thoughts and hold my waistline hostage, when the Father stands before me, arms open wide, inviting me in as His daughter, His beloved.

The one truth I keep coming back to is this: food will not love me back. And to this I add: I won’t find my identity in a doughnut.

30 Day Challenge Update

Nine days of the challenge are DONE! It has been fantastic to participate in this challenge and see all the members of the Facebook group posting about their progress. I am motivated by them daily, and knowing that I have to report to the group gives me that extra dose of accountability and motivation that I need. I haven't gotten as much exercise as I hoped to each day, but I have gotten at least 10 minutes each day and will definitely continue that.

My starting weight: 174.2
Current weight: 173.6
Loss of .6 pounds


It's only .6 pounds, but I'll take it! I have GOT to get out of the 170s, though! I have been in the 170s since February. It's time for us to break up!

My exercise so far has consisted of: running; walking with Charlotte in the stroller; lifting weights; doing crunches; punching; and jumping rope. I've enjoyed having more variety in my workouts and am going to try to keep my workouts varied so I work different muscles.

One thing I've learned is how easy it is to fit exercise into my day. I've been exercising for a long time now so this realization shouldn't be new, but somehow it is. In the past if I had a busy day, I would tell myself there was no way I could get a workout in, but that doesn't have to be the case. Even if I overslept and didn't get any exercise in the morning, I have found a way to exercise at night, even if it's only for 10 minutes. I discovered that it's fun to workout while watching TV and created little circuits to complete during the commercial breaks. I also used to think that a workout was pointless if it was only 10 or 15 minutes long, but even 10 or 15 minutes is beneficial and adds up over time.  

Every minute spent exercising is one minute I don't spend being lazy. 

It's not too late to start your own 30 day challenge! Let me know if you'd like to join the Facebook group, too! We'd love to have you! 

Charlotte at 14 Months

This post is slightly late, as Char turned 14 months on May 4. Life's been busy, what can I say? Stephen and I actually split the day staying at home with Charlotte right now because she came down with a fever and diarrhea yesterday. Because she's also had a cough that has lingered for a month (yes, a MONTH), we took her to convenient care last night, and the doctor gave us an antibiotic and steroid to treat her cough. He also recommended we keep her at home. Fortunately, she hasn't had a fever today, and I loved getting to spend extra time with her!

At 14 months, Charlotte is always on the go. It's rare for her to sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time. Usually the only thing that will keep her seated longer than that is eating. Charlotte LOVES to eat and seems as though she could eat constantly. She's figured out where we keep her snacks, and so she goes over to that area and gestures in that direction to indicate that she wants something. She's gotten much pickier about what she'll eat, though; one day she loves green beans, and the next she couldn't care less about them. I think certain textures have started to bother her as well. One day she had green beans and carrots, and she was devouring the carrots but would put the green beans down after picking them up. I finally tried feeding them to her, and she ate them fine, so I wonder if she didn't like how the green beans felt. She's done a similar thing with lima beans and peas, too. Very funny.

 I like to think that Charlotte is going to be neat and organized because she's started realizing where things go and will put things in their place. She knows that trash goes in the trash can and will put things in it, and she will put back items she's taken from the table. She loves taking her blocks out of the bucket and putting them back in, and she loves anything that makes noise. She also has tried to wipe down her tray and clean up a spill on the floor with a towel. I can definitely put these skills to use in the future. :)

She loves being outside and would probably stay out there all day if we let her. She'll go to the back door and bang on it, and she knows how to say "outside."

She has become obsessed with her shoes and loves carrying them around. She tries very hard to put them and her socks on, but that's still a bit above her skill level, so she'll bring them to us to put on. I'm biased, but I think she's one smart cookie.

Her separation anxiety has definitely increased recently, as has her moodiness. Whereas she used to be very even-tempered and easygoing, now she'll throw little tantrums if she doesn't get her way or we tell her "no" about something she really wants. She also has grown more attached to her pacifier, much to my chagrin, as I was hoping to wean her soon. We've only been giving it to her at naps and at night, but she's stopped willingly handing them over when she wakes up, and sometimes it's not worth the battle to take it away. I'm glad she has something that soothes and comforts her.

Her love for our dog Bailey has not lessened, and now she's learned something new: how to feed Bailey. She'll get a few pieces of dog food in her hand and walk around until she finds Bailey. Bailey is so gentle about taking it from her, and I think it's helped her warm up to Charlotte. That and the fact that Bailey gets all the food that Charlotte drops on the floor. 

It is so fun to see how big Charlotte is getting and how much she is growing and learning. She charms me every day. I'm so glad she's ours.

Five Minute Friday: Real

{I'm participating in Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday for the first time. It was really hard to stick to that 5 minute limit. And I may have done a little deleting, but I will do better next time!}

~

We are a society obsessed with reality TV. You don't have to flip too many channels to find some reality program on. But those shows? They're not real.

If you were to ask me if I have a problem "being real," I would tell you no. But I would be lying. As much as I pride myself on being real on my blog and in person, I am often anything but. I like to self-edit, pick and choose those parts of me that are most likely to be accepted, most likely to be praised.

Sometimes I don't even know how to be real anymore.

I stick the not-so-lovely bits in a dark place and hope they never come to light. I worry that if I finally muster the courage to be truly real, if I truly bare it all, then I will scare everyone away. So I keep those bits tucked away and wonder why I'm lonely.

Being real is scary. Being real is vulnerable. But being real can also be freeing, and who couldn't use a little more freedom in their life?

I think of the lyrics, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine" and think that I've been doing an awful lot of hiding under a bushel. It's time to let the light in. It's time to be real.

Charlotte the Sleepy Eater

Saturday night, Charlotte was extremely exhausted after a hard day of playing. We captured the result on video.

Here's what happened not long after we stopped recording:

Man, my kid is cute. :)

Let the Challenge Begin!

Okay, everyone! The 30 Day Challenge starts TODAY!

My starting weight: 174.2

My starting picture:

As a reference point, here are 2 previous pictures I took to track my weight loss progress. The first one was taken in June 2011 when I was 196 pounds. Charlotte was around 3 months old at the time. The second one was taken in January at 184 pounds.

My shirt is definitely getting looser! I still have a ways to go, but I can see a little bit of a difference. I'm not really expecting to see much change at the end of 30 days, but who knows? I will take measurements later today as well. It's been a while since I did that, so I will be curious to see the numbers.

Good luck to everyone starting the challenge! It's not too late to join in!