May starting weight: 197.6
May ending weight: 196.4
Loss of 1.2 pounds
I have so many thoughts swirling around my head, so for now I'll keep it simple: Sometimes I just want to give up.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
May Goals: Week 3 Report
May starting weight: 197.6
Weight as of 5/23/11: 197.6
Well, I didn't lose and I didn't gain this past week. I think it's safe to say I will not be meeting my goal of losing 4 pounds this month. But if I'm honest with myself, I haven't earned it.
Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. DONE! I was hoping that by giving up soda for 3 months that I wouldn't want it anymore, but so far that has not happened. I am still REALLY wanting a soda and look forward to being able to drink one.
Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I exercised twice, for 35 minutes each time. I started week 4 of Couch 2 5k this week, and I've already gotten in two exercise sessions. I feel certain I will meet this goal this week.
Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 6/7 days. I have found the SparkPeople tracker to be kind of tedious to me recently, so I've been keeping track of my calories in a note on the tracker. It's much faster, and I still get the calories recorded.
Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. 100% DONE!
I did better in some areas this week, but I still have a long way to go. And even though I haven't been terribly successful, these goals really help me to have focus. I am already thinking about how/if I want to change them for June. I know I need to make one of my goals specifically about staying within a certain calorie range. Right now I have just been trying to get into the habit of logging everything, but it doesn't do me much good to eat 2000+ calories, whether I log them or not!
We're in the last week of May now, and I know it will be a challenge to be diligent with my goals since it's a holiday weekend and we will be traveling. All I can do is try my hardest!
Weight as of 5/23/11: 197.6
Well, I didn't lose and I didn't gain this past week. I think it's safe to say I will not be meeting my goal of losing 4 pounds this month. But if I'm honest with myself, I haven't earned it.
Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. DONE! I was hoping that by giving up soda for 3 months that I wouldn't want it anymore, but so far that has not happened. I am still REALLY wanting a soda and look forward to being able to drink one.
Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I exercised twice, for 35 minutes each time. I started week 4 of Couch 2 5k this week, and I've already gotten in two exercise sessions. I feel certain I will meet this goal this week.
Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 6/7 days. I have found the SparkPeople tracker to be kind of tedious to me recently, so I've been keeping track of my calories in a note on the tracker. It's much faster, and I still get the calories recorded.
Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. 100% DONE!
I did better in some areas this week, but I still have a long way to go. And even though I haven't been terribly successful, these goals really help me to have focus. I am already thinking about how/if I want to change them for June. I know I need to make one of my goals specifically about staying within a certain calorie range. Right now I have just been trying to get into the habit of logging everything, but it doesn't do me much good to eat 2000+ calories, whether I log them or not!
We're in the last week of May now, and I know it will be a challenge to be diligent with my goals since it's a holiday weekend and we will be traveling. All I can do is try my hardest!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
May Goals: Week 2 Report
May starting weight: 197.6
Weight as of 5/15/11: 197.6
Yes, you read that right. I GAINED back all of the weight I lost in the first week. How pathetic am I? Pretty pathetic. You know what's even more pathetic? Instead of getting all fired up and motivated to show that scale who's boss, I've mostly just felt defeated and have been sabotaging my efforts. For example, I made homemade chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. Here's a weight loss tip for you: don't bake desserts for yourself while trying to lose weight. And another tip: don't eat 5 of aforementioned cookies in one sitting, like I did today at lunch. I don't know what is wrong with me. I told Stephen, only half jokingly, that I have an overeating disorder. Is that crazy? I feel like I am going crazy some days, and other days I feel perfectly in control of my eating. I am in desperate need of balance, and I don't know how to find it. I long to have a normal relationship with food so Charlotte doesn't learn my bad habits.
Anyway, here's how I did with the rest of my goals:
Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. Sort of done, although I think the chocolate chips in the cookies I made count as candy, so I definitely didn't achieve 100% of this goal.
Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I only exercised 2 times, not 3.
Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 5/7 days. Once again, the weekend tripped me up.
Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. 6/7 days this time. I WILL get 7/7 this week.
All in all, last week was not my greatest showing. I am struggling, but I am not going to give up. I have to keep fighting because I am fighting not just for myself but for my daughter and for Stephen.
Weight as of 5/15/11: 197.6
Yes, you read that right. I GAINED back all of the weight I lost in the first week. How pathetic am I? Pretty pathetic. You know what's even more pathetic? Instead of getting all fired up and motivated to show that scale who's boss, I've mostly just felt defeated and have been sabotaging my efforts. For example, I made homemade chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. Here's a weight loss tip for you: don't bake desserts for yourself while trying to lose weight. And another tip: don't eat 5 of aforementioned cookies in one sitting, like I did today at lunch. I don't know what is wrong with me. I told Stephen, only half jokingly, that I have an overeating disorder. Is that crazy? I feel like I am going crazy some days, and other days I feel perfectly in control of my eating. I am in desperate need of balance, and I don't know how to find it. I long to have a normal relationship with food so Charlotte doesn't learn my bad habits.
Anyway, here's how I did with the rest of my goals:
Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. Sort of done, although I think the chocolate chips in the cookies I made count as candy, so I definitely didn't achieve 100% of this goal.
Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I only exercised 2 times, not 3.
Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 5/7 days. Once again, the weekend tripped me up.
Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. 6/7 days this time. I WILL get 7/7 this week.
All in all, last week was not my greatest showing. I am struggling, but I am not going to give up. I have to keep fighting because I am fighting not just for myself but for my daughter and for Stephen.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Growing Every Day
I'll post a "real" blog tomorrow, but I can't resist sharing some photos of Charlotte that we took yesterday. She is 10 weeks and 3 days old today, and I can't believe it! She is getting so big and is starting to smile and coo a lot, which is delightful to see and hear. My heart just melts when that face lights up in a grin, and I can't wait until she starts to giggle. We are so in love and so very blessed!
I couldn't resist styling her hair. :)
She was smiling at Daddy in this picture.
Monday, May 9, 2011
May Goals: Week 1 Report
May starting weight: 197.6
Weight as of 5/8/11: 194.8
LOSS of 2.8 pounds!
I am so happy with this weight loss! I was just thrilled when I saw that number on the scale on Sunday morning. (Happy Mother's Day to me, haha). I am well on the way to my goal of losing 4 pounds for the month. Here's a report on how I did on the rest of my goals.
1. Lose 4 pounds. Only 1.2 pounds to go!
2. Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. DONE! Chocolate called my name ALL.WEEK.LONG, but I stayed strong, even resisting the candy dish at work every time I had to pass by it. I did have more than one serving of tortilla chips on Sunday with my BBQ nachos, but I did really well the rest of the week.
3. Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. 100% DONE! I finished week 1 of Couch to 5k.
4. Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 5/7 days. I slacked off on tracking over the weekend. I have to get out of the "weekends mean a break from weight loss" mentality that I've allowed myself to slip into.
5. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. Again, 5/7 days. I did great during the week but struggled over the weekend to drink enough.
I feel really good about how I did the first week of May. It wasn't perfect, but I think I did fairly well. I forgot how AMAZING it feels to strive for goals and reach them! I am going to carry this feeling of victory with me throughout this week, so I can maintain this momentum.
Weight as of 5/8/11: 194.8
LOSS of 2.8 pounds!
I am so happy with this weight loss! I was just thrilled when I saw that number on the scale on Sunday morning. (Happy Mother's Day to me, haha). I am well on the way to my goal of losing 4 pounds for the month. Here's a report on how I did on the rest of my goals.
1. Lose 4 pounds. Only 1.2 pounds to go!
2. Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. DONE! Chocolate called my name ALL.WEEK.LONG, but I stayed strong, even resisting the candy dish at work every time I had to pass by it. I did have more than one serving of tortilla chips on Sunday with my BBQ nachos, but I did really well the rest of the week.
3. Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. 100% DONE! I finished week 1 of Couch to 5k.
4. Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. 5/7 days. I slacked off on tracking over the weekend. I have to get out of the "weekends mean a break from weight loss" mentality that I've allowed myself to slip into.
5. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. Again, 5/7 days. I did great during the week but struggled over the weekend to drink enough.
I feel really good about how I did the first week of May. It wasn't perfect, but I think I did fairly well. I forgot how AMAZING it feels to strive for goals and reach them! I am going to carry this feeling of victory with me throughout this week, so I can maintain this momentum.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My First Mother's Day
My first Mother's Day was fantastic! First, Stephen gave me a necklace with Charlotte's birthstone, aquamarine. Such a thoughtful gift! Then, this morning at church was Charlotte's baby dedication. Several families dedicated their children to the Lord this morning, and it was so special. Charlotte was completely zonked out for the entire service, but she still looked adorable!
Isn't my mom beautiful?
My parents, brother and sister-in-law and nephew, and all my grandparents came to the service today, which meant so much to me. After church, we all went to our house and had BBQ nachos. My fabulous mom was sweet enough to bring all the food PLUS paper plates and cups and napkins and forks, so Stephen and I wouldn't have to do anything. I just love my mom. We took the opportunity of being together to take some pictures:
Four generations together!
Both of my grandmothers with Charlotte
My mom surprised me with a cake with Charlotte's picture on it! Isn't it neat? It was slightly weird to be eating my daughter, though. :)
My mom surprised me with a cake with Charlotte's picture on it! Isn't it neat? It was slightly weird to be eating my daughter, though. :)
Isn't my mom beautiful?
It's hard to believe that last year I wasn't a mom. I am so grateful for the great blessing, privilege, and challenge of being a mother. My heart goes out to those for whom Mother's Day is a less than joyful day. I pray God's grace would be known to the hurting and the jubilant both.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
May 2011 Goals
I'm sneaky. I made goals for this month on May 1 but am just now sharing them with you. Honestly, though, this is the first chance I've had to share them. Those who have read my blog for over a year may recall that I was a big advocate and practitioner of making monthly and even weekly goals, but that goal-setting dropped off substantially once I got pregnant. Now, however, after my closet meltdown, my sweet husband Stephen encouraged me not to wallow in my dissatisfaction with my weight but to make a plan to change it. After all, that's exactly what I did on January 21, 2008, and that's exactly how I lost 90 pounds before I got pregnant. So without further rambling on my part, my weight loss stats and goals for May:
Starting weight (as of May 1): 197.6--Not gonna lie, this number totally depressed me because at one point postpartum the scale got down to 191. At the time I was sad that it was even that high, but now I'd LOVE to be back at 191!
Goals:
1. Lose 4 pounds. A pound a week is a very modest but reasonable goal for me, especially when time for exercise is at a premium.
2. Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. Though I usually drink Coke Zero when I have soda so I'm not "drinking" my calories, I find that even drinking that makes me crave regular Coke and causes me to indulge in that more than I should. It also can prevent me from getting enough water each day, so for the next 3 months I am not going to have any soda. The same goes for chocolate candy, which I would eat in large quantities every day if I could (Cadbury Eggs, how I miss thee!). The chips are a problem if I eat them straight out of the bag because I eat WAY more than I need to (hello, Fritos!), but I am going to make sure that if I decide to have chips, I will measure out the appropriate serving size and stop at that.
3. Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I know that's only 90 minutes a week, but it's all I can reasonably expect of myself right now, as I'm still trying to figure out a "new normal."
4. Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. This is HUGE for me because when I don't track, I am sure I grossly underestimate the amount of calories I consume. So even if I only am able to jot stuff down on a piece of paper or in a note on Outlook, I'm tracking my food.
5. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. For some reason I have struggled with this since having Charlotte, but I have been doing better with this since being at work, which is odd. I have a water bottle at my desk that I try to refill often, and I think just having it in front of me keeps me mindful of my water intake.
These goals are very basic, but I'm in a back-to-the-basics place right now. I am hopeful I can meet all of these goals, and maybe even surpass some of them (like the weight loss and exericse goals). I will try to report back each week with my progress. I will weigh in on Sundays, since that's when the first of the month was, but it may not be until later that week before I'm able to update. I know you'll all be dying of suspense. :)
Do any of you have some goals for this month, fitness or otherwise? Share them with me!
Starting weight (as of May 1): 197.6--Not gonna lie, this number totally depressed me because at one point postpartum the scale got down to 191. At the time I was sad that it was even that high, but now I'd LOVE to be back at 191!
Goals:
1. Lose 4 pounds. A pound a week is a very modest but reasonable goal for me, especially when time for exercise is at a premium.
2. Abstain from soda and chocolate candy and limit chips to one serving size. Though I usually drink Coke Zero when I have soda so I'm not "drinking" my calories, I find that even drinking that makes me crave regular Coke and causes me to indulge in that more than I should. It also can prevent me from getting enough water each day, so for the next 3 months I am not going to have any soda. The same goes for chocolate candy, which I would eat in large quantities every day if I could (Cadbury Eggs, how I miss thee!). The chips are a problem if I eat them straight out of the bag because I eat WAY more than I need to (hello, Fritos!), but I am going to make sure that if I decide to have chips, I will measure out the appropriate serving size and stop at that.
3. Exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a time. I know that's only 90 minutes a week, but it's all I can reasonably expect of myself right now, as I'm still trying to figure out a "new normal."
4. Track all of my food either on SparkPeople or on the computer. This is HUGE for me because when I don't track, I am sure I grossly underestimate the amount of calories I consume. So even if I only am able to jot stuff down on a piece of paper or in a note on Outlook, I'm tracking my food.
5. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. For some reason I have struggled with this since having Charlotte, but I have been doing better with this since being at work, which is odd. I have a water bottle at my desk that I try to refill often, and I think just having it in front of me keeps me mindful of my water intake.
These goals are very basic, but I'm in a back-to-the-basics place right now. I am hopeful I can meet all of these goals, and maybe even surpass some of them (like the weight loss and exericse goals). I will try to report back each week with my progress. I will weigh in on Sundays, since that's when the first of the month was, but it may not be until later that week before I'm able to update. I know you'll all be dying of suspense. :)
Do any of you have some goals for this month, fitness or otherwise? Share them with me!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Through the Looking Glass
I never thought that losing weight after having Charlotte was going to be easy, but I also wasn't counting on it being so difficult and laden with emotions. I had a mini-breakdown Saturday night because I was going through spring and summer clothes in my closet, and none of my favorite pieces fit. All the cute tops and skirts I enjoyed wearing last year were far too snug to wear in public. Looking at all of those clothes--clothes that I worked so hard to fit into--made me indescribably sad, and I started feeling like I will never be able to wear them again. I was just getting to a place where I was comfortable with my body and beginning to like how it looked when I got pregnant. And even though I wouldn't change getting pregnant and having Charlotte for anything, I am in mourning. I am mourning the loss of my self-confidence. I am mourning the loss of a body I was only beginning to appreciate. I look in the mirror and see flab and fat everywhere. I try to run, and after 10 minutes my energy is depleted. I dread getting ready for work in the morning because I don't know what I am going to wear and don't feel pretty in anything I choose.
Before these past few weeks, I never in my life realized how incredibly vain I am .
For that's what it all boils down to--vanity. Yes, my health is important. Yes, I need to be at a healthy weight. But do I need to let how I think I look define who I am? Do I need to melt into tears over my physical appearance, especially when my life is overflowing with blessing? Do I need to spend most waking hours worrying about how I look or thinking about food and exercise? No. Now more than ever I am aware that my struggle is not merely a physical one; it is deeply spiritual. If I am going to win this battle, I have to put on the armor of God along with my tennis shoes.
I can't do it alone. I simply can't. And by the grace of God, I won't have to.
Before these past few weeks, I never in my life realized how incredibly vain I am .
For that's what it all boils down to--vanity. Yes, my health is important. Yes, I need to be at a healthy weight. But do I need to let how I think I look define who I am? Do I need to melt into tears over my physical appearance, especially when my life is overflowing with blessing? Do I need to spend most waking hours worrying about how I look or thinking about food and exercise? No. Now more than ever I am aware that my struggle is not merely a physical one; it is deeply spiritual. If I am going to win this battle, I have to put on the armor of God along with my tennis shoes.
I can't do it alone. I simply can't. And by the grace of God, I won't have to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)