Movin' On Up

I am happy to announce that I can FINALLY tell you our exciting news. Are you ready?


Are you sure?


Okay, here it is...






WE'RE BUYING A HOUSE!!!

I can't even tell you how excited I am. What's crazy is that we just started looking for houses last Sunday, and a week later we found the one we wanted to buy. We made the offer Monday, and after some back-and-forth with the sellers, we came to an agreement. The timing works out perfectly because we'll get to take advantage of the tax credit for new homeowners, and the lease on our apartment is up at the end of May, and guess when our closing date is? May 14. So we'll have two weeks left in our apartment and will be able to move stuff gradually if we need to. We won't have to make a double payment or anything! AND our house payments are going to be less than what we're paying in rent! I wish I could post pictures, but we don't really have a good picture of the whole house, and the other shots are rather random. Trust me though, at some point you'll probably see more than you want to see of the house. :)

Also, in other exciting news, I am no longer going to be a receptionist! Today I was offered a job as a legal assistant with the firm, and I accepted it. I must admit that one of the first things I thought is that I will be able to go to the bathroom whenever I want. As a receptionist I had to find someone to cover the phone if I needed to go, so while it may be a silly thing, I am celebrating bathroom freedom. :) It will also be neat to work more directly with clients and do what I can to help them (after I figure out what in the world I'm doing-haha).

Obviously, things have been a bit crazy in my world, but it's been a good kind of crazy! I am so thankful and feel so blessed.

So that's what's going on with me! What's going on with you? Fill me in!

The 3rd Time Is the Charm

Hello, friends! I hope you've all had a great weekend. Mine was definitely a crazy, busy one, and I am hoping I will be able to tell you more about all that has been going on very soon. Just be patient with me, okay? :)

For now you'll have to content yourselves with a race report! One of my goals for March was to run one race, and the race I ended up selecting benefited the local Kiwanis Center for Childhood Development and took place on Saturday, March 27. It also worked out well with my half marathon schedule, as this past week was a recovery week for me. I didn't give the race too much thought, honestly, because I was focused on training for the half, and I regularly run a 5k distance (3.1 miles) twice a week, so I knew I could do it. I secretly hoped that I would be able to get a personal record (PR), but I was afraid to think too much about it since my 2nd 5k time ended up being worse than my first.

I was pretty calm the day of the race, and got there with just enough time to get my t-shirt and stand around and do a quick little warm-up jog. I don't know how many runners there were, but there were over 100 for sure. It may have been the biggest race I've been in (and I know that even still it was small compared to other races people do).

This race, I tried to focus on starting slowly so I could have negative split times, so I just let a bunch of runners run right past me and attempted to find my sweet spot. I ended up running mostly by myself the whole time, as there were a lot of runners in front of me and some behind, but not many right with me. I find that so odd, but I guess I just have a weird pace or something. :)

I reached mile 1 at 10:45, which I was very happy about since I was wanting to average an 11 minute mile pace for the whole race. The course was very pleasant--through an older part of Jackson, in an historic area, and though there were hills, they were manageable, and I did my best. I reached mile 2 at 21:51 (an 11:06 mile), and though it was slower, I still felt good about my pace. I was determined to finish strong and even though there were a couple of times during the last mile that I wanted to walk, I kept telling myself, "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop!" and it worked. I didn't stop. I don't know if I just missed the mile 3 marker or if there wasn't one, but I never saw it. But since the course was out-and-back, I knew I was getting closer, and then I rounded the corner and saw the time clock and started sprinting. I was SO happy when I saw my final time.

Finish time: 33:12--a new PR! My previous PR was my first 5k time of 34:19, so I beat it by over a minute. I was so thrilled! Even though I didn't place or anything, I felt so proud of myself and excited about what I'd accomplished. I never thought I'd even run ONE 5k, much less 3! After my half on April 17, I am going to run a 10k in May and then who knows? Maybe I'll try getting a new 5k PR. I love races!

I Haven't Disappeared

I'm sorry I haven't blogged this week, and I'm sure only two of you have even noticed. :) Stephen and I have been busy with some other stuff that perhaps I will tell you about shortly, should I feel so inclined. Aren't I a tease?

In the meantime, feel free to read about what led me to start losing weight, or about my struggle with comparing myself to others, or about my secret confessions, or about my right to bare arms.

I hope everyone is having a great week!

Friday Five: The Spring Edition

Things I love about spring:

1. Easter. It’s such a meaningful holiday. I love celebrating the resurrection of Jesus.

2. T-shirts and flip flops. Need I say more?

3. March Madness. I’m no sports fanatic, but I love filling out a bracket (or two or three) and following the games. This year Stephen and I both filled out "serious" brackets, and then we also filled out one using coin tosses to decide who would win each game. I am sure that bracket will be completely ruined after the first round. Hehe.

4. The brown and gray of winter is replaced with the green of spring. I love the way the sky and the ground seem to just come alive in the spring.

5. Cadbury Eggs. Yummy goodness. I actually have yet to have one of these yet because I just want ONE, not a package of them, and I can't find them sold individually!

What do you love about spring?

The Run That Almost Wasn't

On Sunday I had what is my most memorable run to date.

And it was a run that almost didn’t happen.

I was planning to run 11 miles, and I didn’t wanna do it. I put it off until Sunday in the hopes that the gloomy, cold weather of Saturday would improve on Sunday. But as I looked out the window a little before 2 p.m. on Sunday, all I saw were clouds and drizzle. Awesome. I got on my running gear, thinking in my head that I didn’t want to do it, probably couldn’t do it (because 11 miles is a LOT of running). I was even talking to Stephen about giving up on the half marathon altogether because I dreaded the whole thing.  (Nerves of steel, I have.)

When I left the apartment and headed for the park and it started raining harder, I came *this close* to turning around and calling it a day. But something made me continue on, and I told myself that after 30 minutes if it was still raining, I would leave. So I set out in my rain jacket and gloves and iPod, and suffered through the first 2.6 miles. By that time around 33 minutes had passed, and while I certainly wasn’t having a wonderful time, the weather really wasn’t bad enough for me to quit. I then took my run to the neighborhood directly behind the park. As I ran, the rain let up some, but the wind was rather gusty and cold. However, I told myself I was already out there--nowhere near my car--so I may as well keep going.

Then IT happened.

I have read about the "runner’s high" and heard other people talk about it, but I personally have never experienced anything like it during a run. I usually feel pretty great after finishing a run, but during it? During runs I usually just wish I were doing anything but running, and I was convinced that those runners who talk about a "high" were a bunch of liars. But Sunday was different. All of a sudden, about 45 minutes into my run, I realized that I felt GREAT. I'm talking really, really good. I ended up running for 26 minutes straight, no walking breaks. It was windy, somewhat wet, and there were hills, but I didn’t even care. I was ENJOYING myself. I could hardly believe it, but I found myself running around that neighborhood with a smile on my face. After a 2 minute break where I ate my granola bar, I ran for another 10 minutes, then took a break, then ran for another 10. I basically abandoned my run/walk intervals and just ran because it felt good and walked when I needed to. 

I don’t know exactly how far I ran, but my total time was 132 minutes, and I feel almost certain that I covered 11 miles. When I finished, my calves were burning, my hips were sore, and I was a sweaty mess, but all of that faded away as I realized what I had just done.

I ran for 132 minutes (well, ran/walked), and I enjoyed it.

Clearly, I’ve gone insane. :)

Beauty Is a Size 2 and Other Lies I Tell Myself

For many years, I dreaded the changing of seasons for one reason:  my clothes. I remember many a time when I would go to my closet on a day when it was either warmer or colder than it had been for several months, and I would take out a favorite shirt or pair of pants I had worn the previous season. I would excitedly put the clothes on, only to discover that the pants wouldn’t zip or the shirt wouldn’t button. Immediately, a deflated feeling would come over me, quickly followed by frustration and disgust. How could I have gained MORE weight? Why did I keep doing this to myself? My size crept up and up over the years, and I was dismayed when I realized that I was a size 24 while on a shopping trip with my mom to celebrate my 26^th birthday. The humiliation I felt at having to get new clothes because my old ones didn’t fit was difficult to bear, and I had many discouraging, depressing shopping trips. What is saddest of all, however, is that often after those trips, I would return home and instead of exercising, I would inhale a heaping bowl of ice cream or eat a candy bar.

Now, instead of dreading the change of seasons, I look forward to it. I don’t have to worry about whether or not my clothes will be too small; now I have the opposite problem. Since I am not in plus sizes in more (how I hate that phrase!), I have so many more options to choose from when shopping, and it is infinitely more fun to buy clothes when they are smaller instead of larger!

I am reminding myself of this feeling right now because I have once again found myself feeling discontent about my size. I read a lot of weight loss/health blogs, and I often come across success stories of those who have lost weight. While these stories are very inspiring and motivating for me, I often find myself reading them and thinking variations of the following: "She was a size 16 at 215 pounds? I was a size 20 then!" It could be a different number and a different size, but I always lose in the comparison. I know that everyone’s shape is different and that everyone even wears clothes differently (some preferring their clothes to be loose and others preferring tighter clothes), but I have a hard time shaking this feeling of... well, jealousy. And now that I write that out, it’s completely ridiculous. Why does it matter what size someone else is? Why does it even matter what size I am? It’s not as though I go around with my pants size displayed across my forehead. It’s not as though my size defines me as a person, as if someone would see I’m a size 14 and completely write me off as being unworthy of love (and if someone did, I wouldn’t want to be that person’s friend anyway!). Somehow I’ve bought into the lie that beauty is a size 2 and nothing else, and I don’t like admitting that because I’ve always told myself I’m immune to the deceit of the "perfect" women that are emblazoned on the cover of every magazine, but obviously I’m not. I know I’ll never be a size 2, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I could be smaller.

I have written before about my tendency to compare myself to others, and I am realizing more and more that it’s a destructive practice that is literally of the devil and only leaves me miserable. I have to keep going back to this verse in Galatians: "Am I now trying to please men, or God? For if I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." My goal is to please Christ, and pleasing Him has little to do with my pants size.

Do you struggle with discontentment about your size? How do you overcome it?

 

Facing the Fear

If you’ve followed my blog for the past several months, then you know that I have struggled to see the scale move much at all. It took me about 4 months to lose 10 pounds, for example. Not exactly rock star weight loss results. Still, I am in this for the long haul, so I’ve lost some of the urgency I used to feel about reaching my goal weigh. However, I realized something recently that I think may help explain why my weight loss has been so slow.

I am scared to reach my goal weight.

It seems ridiculous that I would be scared of a goal I have spent over two years working towards, but it’s true. I am scared that when I do see that 161 on the scale, I won’t feel happy but will instead look at myself and think, "This is what 161 looks like? This isn’t what I thought it would be at all." After all, I only have 15 pounds left to lose, and when I look at my body right now, I still see a lot of fat and a lot I wish were different. How much could my body really change with 15 more pounds gone? I am scared I will feel disappointed and discouraged. I have been aiming for that magical 100 pound loss for so long that I have built it up in my mind to something that at this point probably won’t meet my expectations.

So where does that leave me? What if I reach my goal weight and I am not happy? Do I try and lose more weight? But what if I reach THAT weight and am still not happy? Will it ever end? It’s clear to me in writing this that if I am expecting weight loss to be some sort of panacea for my life, then I am definitely placing my trust in the wrong thing. Perhaps instead of being so focused on the number on the scale, I need to deal with the attitude of my heart. My outward appearance is not the most important thing about me. Far from it. My relationship with God and with my husband and family, my internal character–those things are important. Ultimately, I need to come to terms with my own vanity and pride and lay them down. When God looks at me, He sees His child and loves me RIGHT NOW, in THIS MOMENT. Maybe it’s time I start doing the same.

Can anyone else relate to this? Or am I just nuts?

Weekend Whirlwind

Hello, bloggy friends! I'm writing my post a bit late today, but better late than never, right? :)

This weekend did not go at all as planned, but that was a very good thing! As I was getting ready to leave work on Friday, I noticed a few text messages from my dear friend Emily (who was my college roomie and maid of honor at my wedding), asking if I was going to be around that weekend because she was coming into town. She needed a place to stay for the weekend while she took care of some sorority business (she's on the advisory board for the sorority she was in during college). Even though I had a jam-packed weekend full of cleaning and grocery shopping, I was willing to let her ruin those plans and stay for the weekend! :) (I'm so thankful that I have a flexible husband who willingly goes along with spur-of-the-moment plans!)

Emily was going to be occupied most of the night on Friday, so Stephen and I were able to do what we had originally planned--go see Alice in Wonderland. I didn't have terribly high expectations because I never know what to expect with Tim Burton, but I was pleasantly surprised. I loved the movie and thought it was really well done, although I don't really think it is a movie for young children. We didn't see it in 3-D, but after not really loving the 3-D experience I had with Avatar, I didn't mind. Emily got to our place later that night, and of course we stayed up late talking and catching up.

Saturday morning we woke up at 8:30, got ready, and then headed out. We made a stop by the bank and then on to IHOP for breakfast. Yum! Then I took Emily on a special trip--grocery shopping at Walmart! Do I know how to treat house guests or what? Even though grocery shopping is not at all thrilling, it had to be done, and Emily was kind enough to keep me company.

The afternoon was spent playing Wii, which was hilarious and fun. Then we cooked a pizza Stephen had bought at Sam's and watched a movie that Emily had brought and that neither Stephen nor I had heard of--Fracture. It actually was a really good mystery/thriller. I can't believe I'd never heard of it. Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling were in it, so it's not as though it was a movie with obscure actors.

Sunday we got up and went to Bible Study and the worship service at church. Then Emily was kind enough to treat us to lunch at Zaxby's--score! Not long after, Emily had to head out again and it was time for me to face what I had been dreading all weekend--a 10 mile run. It took me 2 hours, and it was HOT (upper 60s is hot to me when I'm running) and uncomfortable at times, but I just stuck to my run/walk intervals. I made it through it, and while the run itself wasn't amazing, it did feel amazing to know I had completed my first double digit run! I only have 3 miles to go to get to a half marathon distance! Yeah!

The final event of the weekend was dinner at Moe's with our friend Marya (another college roomie) and her husband and ADORABLE kids. It was like a little reunion, and we had such a good time!

So even though I didn't get a lot of the things I had planned to get done, I am totally okay with that because time with friends beats time scrubbing the bathroom any day! :)

I hope you all had a good weekend and are enjoying the week!

Short but Sweet

I don’t know how, but I completely forgot to share some big news with the blog world.

I’ve lost 85 pounds! I am currently at 175.8, and I can’t even REMEMBER the last time I saw that number on the scale, but I’m guessing it was during my senior year of high school, which was 10 years ago. I am feeling really good and am really happy that I’ve managed to lose 5 pounds so far this year despite the fact that I’m running more than ever (and despite the fact that it’s Girl Scout cookie season!). I think tracking all of my food has helped tremendously, as has my increasing awareness of my obsession with food and my determination not to let food control me.

I’ve had a lot brewing in my brain the past few days, and if I figure out how to articulate some if it, I’ll share it soon. For now, I’ll leave you with this quote that has really inspired me: "If hunger isn’t the problem, then food isn’t the solution!" Can I get an AMEN? :)

What quotes inspire you?

Slowly But Surely

I almost gave up on my half marathon training this weekend.

I was scheduled to run 8 miles, and while I made it through (well, mostly--it ended up being 7.8 miles), it was one of the worst runs I can recall. It was windy, the route was not as flat as I had thought, I was cold the whole time, and my hips were bothering me. Oh, and did I mention that I ran without music? As I was running I kept thinking, "Why am I doing this? This is torture. How will I make it through the half marathon if the race is like this?" It was bad, friends. Honestly, I probably would have quit if not for the fact that I was nowhere near my car. So I trudged along, hating every minute of it, and finished in 91 minutes. I have never been so relieved to finish a run, not even after the 9 miles I ran the week before.

The experience left me doubting something I had felt so sure about just a week earlier. Could I do the half marathon? Did I WANT to do the half marathon? Did I want to go through more hip pain, more frustration, more torturous runs? On Saturday, I didn’t know the answer to those questions, but I was struggling with them a lot. I thought about it all weekend, and then yesterday I was rereading some of my posts from the last month and was almost surprised to read these words in the post I wrote after my first 5 mile run on the treadmill:

"Even if you're not a runner, there are going to be times when you feel like giving up, whether you're trying to lose weight or trying to learn a new language or trying to change careers. But if you find yourself at that place where you just want to surrender and stop trying, think about all the hard work and time you've already invested. What if you knew that next week, you'd be at your goal weight? What if you knew that next week, you'd have a breakthrough in your language training? What if you knew that next week, you'd find the perfect job? Would you give up? Of course not! You'd keep trying. Sometimes we have to push through those feelings of quitting, stop focusing on how hard everything is right now, and think about how AMAZING it will feel to achieve what we've been striving for!"

Wow, talk about being blind sided. These words were exactly what I needed to remember, and it’s so strange that I wrote them not that long ago and yet was already forgetting the truth of them. I know that if someone told me that next week, I would successfully complete a half marathon, then of course I wouldn’t quit. So I have to keep trying because deep deep down, I still see myself crossing the finish line. I may be hobbling across it, but as long as I cross it, I will be happy. I will be smiling. And it will be amazing (I hope!).

This weekend I’m supposed to run 10 miles, and while I am scared, I am going to do my best to stay focused on my goal and envision that finish line.

Was there something you thought about quitting but were later glad you didn’t? Please share!

February Check-Up and March Goals

First, I want to thank all of you for your supportive comments on my last post. It is so comforting to know I’m not alone and that I’m not crazy. :)

Second, Stephen and I got a Wii!! We got a tax return, and we looked for a Wii for a few weeks, but everywhere was sold out. Finally, Stephen found one online from Walmart, and it arrived on Friday. It’s so fun, and naturally we spent a good chunk of the weekend playing it.

Now, on to business!
February starting weight: 178.6
February ending weight: 176.8
LOSS of 1.8 pounds 

While that number is definitely small, I am thrilled that I lost anything, and I would be happy just to maintain through March as I continue my half marathon training.

My February-specific goals:

1. Stop picking at my nails. I did really well with this the first two weeks, but then I completely failed the last two weeks (and it shows–my nails are stubs!). I am definitely going to keep working on this, though.

2. Don’t eat after 8:00 p.m. I didn’t keep a daily record of how I did on this, but if I had to guess, I’d say I did this about 85% of the time.

3. Go to the gym 8 times. 100% success. I went exactly 8 times.

My goals for March:

1. Run in one race. I haven’t picked out the race yet, but I know there are several to choose from. It will more than likely be a 5k.

2. Go to the gym 10 times. Since I did well with this last month, I want to increase the number to keep challenging myself.

3. Get up at 5:15 a.m. at least 4 times during the work week. I’ve written before about my struggle to find time for exercise and Bible study, and getting up early is really the ideal solution because I can accomplish both things and start my day off right. For the past month I’ve been setting my alarm for 5:15, but the days that I have actually gotten out of bed at 5:15 were certainly outnumbered by the days where I got up at 5:30, 5:45, or 6:00 a.m.. I am committed to making 5:15 my regular time, so I’m going to set a concrete goal to help me get there.

As for my year-long goals, here’s a quick recap of those:

Fitness minutes: 848 (goal for the year: 12,000; total so far: 1,368–I’m not sure I’m going to make this goal)
Calories burned: 8805 (no goal set–I just like tracking this) :)
Miles ran/walked/biked: 50 (goal for the year: 800; total so far: 78.5–Not sure I will make this goal, either)
Books read: 1 this month (goal for the year: 20; total so far: 5). The book I read is called A Praying Life by Paul Miller, and it was such a wonderful, practical book on prayer. It challenged me a lot about the way I view and approach prayer with the Lord. I highly recommend it. I’m also about 2/3 of the way through a fiction book, so I already know I’ll get more than one book read in March.
I blogged 3 times a week every week but one.
I am still working on finding a set time for daily Bible reading and prayer, but I'm getting it done.
I have not yet run a 10k or half marathon race.

Phew, that was a lot of stuff! Bless if you if you actually read all of that. :)

What are your goals for March?