Out with a Bang

I have BIG news!

On Monday I weighed 183.4, which was a gain of .8 pounds. However, on Tuesday I weighed 181.2, which is a new low for me. I was very ecstatic about this but wanted to see if I could see it on the scale 2 days in a row so it would be more "official," and Wednesday morning I saw 181.0! I did it! I have lost 80 POUNDS (80.4, to be exact)! That is HUGE! I am so excited this happened right before the year ended. What a way to go into 2010! Even though I have lost only 31 pounds this year, I am still headed in the right direction. I am still making good choices. This new low gives me renewed confidence that I can reach my goal weight of 161, which is ONLY 20 pounds away! I am 80% of the way there. I can do this.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Have a happy New Year!

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Hello, blog world!  I hope all of you had a Merry Christmas and got to spend time with friends and family.  I had a great Christmas weekend, and I was sad to see it go.  I love spending time with my family, and of course it’s also wonderful to have a little break from work.  At least this week will be a four-day workweek as well!

Now for my progress report:

1. I ate fairly well but not great.  I went way over my calorie limit on Christmas Day, I’m sure, though I do not know the exact amount due to the difficulty of tracking a lot of the stuff we ate (including a yummy dinner at a Japanese steakhouse).  What helped me somewhat is the fact that I have been experiencing jaw pain, and so I have limited my intake to soft foods.  Therefore I bypassed some foods I normally would have eaten with wild abandon (I’m talking about you, Rotel dip and chips).  Of course, what didn’t help me is that pie counts as a soft food.  :)

2. I was mindful of what I was eating.  I think I did a good job of being aware of everything I ate and not just shoveling it in and then regretting it later.

3. I exercised on Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas.  I also had planned to exercise on Sunday, but the treadmill at my parents’ house was acting wonky, and I felt as though I was going to trip and fall off of it.  Had I brought some warmer workout clothes, I could have gone outside, so that was poor planning on my part.

4. I weighed 182.6 on Thursday (Christmas Eve), and this morning I weighed 183.4.  Even though I gained weight, I am not that upset about a gain of .8 pounds, especially when I know they probably will be gone in a few days.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday and feel good about the choices I made.  Now it’s back to business as usual, which means quality time on the dreadmill tonight because it is just too cold and windy outside.  Fortunately, I have new running shoes to try out (I will write more about that tomorrow) and new tunes on my iPod (Jason Mraz’s newest live CD), so I think I can make it through!

How was your Christmas?  Where did you go/who did you see?

 

A Baby Changes Everything

This is definitely one of my absolute favorite Christmas songs. Enjoy.

Faith Hill, "A Baby Changes Everything":



P.S. My weight today is 182.6. I will report on Monday to let you know if I maintained, lost, or gained. I wish you all the merriest of Christmases!

When to Workout

Ever since starting my weight loss journey, I have preferred morning workouts. I am not by nature a morning person, but I really like starting my day with exercise because I am more likely to get it done that way and I feel energized for the day. However, I’m now in a bit of a pickle. I workout at a college gym, and since right now is Christmas break, the hours of the gym have been reduced quite a bit, and they are no longer opening at 6 a.m. like they normally do. I have been going there more frequently recently, but now that the hours are all messed up for me, I had to think about what I wanted to do. I decided to do a trial period of working out after work. I also thought this would be beneficial for my devotional time, so I decided to wake up at 6:02 a.m., but instead of working out, I would read the Bible and pray, and then when I got off work, I would either go to the gym or workout at home. The first day of trying this, I woke up as usual and enjoyed the time in the morning before going to work.

What I didn't like was the time after work. I drove straight from work to the gym, changed out of my work clothes (almost losing my wedding rings in the process--I need to get them resized), and started my workout. I got in a good workout, but by the time I got home it was close to 6:30 and we hadn't even eaten dinner yet. Everything is pushed back if I keep this schedule, and I'm just not sure about it. For one thing, I am REALLY hungry for dinner by the time 5 p.m. rolls around, so waiting almost two hours later than that will be tricky. I guess I could eat a snack later in the afternoon to help tide me over. I don't like eating so late because then it feels like a good chunk of the evening is already gone. I also am bound to forget my gym bag one of these days, knowing my scatterbrained nature. So the long and short of it is: I like having my Bible study time in the morning, but I hate working out in the evening. I don't really relish the idea of getting up much earlier than 5:45 (which is the time I used to get up to go to the gym), but maybe I should consider that as well.  For now I'm still doing the evening workout, but I don't know if I will continue or not after the new year begins.

Are there any evening exercisers out there who have any advice for me?  Am I just being whiny?  (Wait, don't answer that...)

 

I Am Determined

Back in July I wrote about a stack of clothes I received from a friend who had lost 40 pounds and could no longer wear the clothes. They are all size 14s, and I was hoping I would be able to wear them by the time fall arrived. Well, fall came and went, and those clothes are still in the closet. I tried on a pair of the pants the other day, however, and I can button and zip them comfortably, but they are still a bit snug in the thigh region. I don’t want all of these fabulous pants to go to waste and just take up space in the closet; I want to wear them and wear them proudly! And one thing I know for sure: I will NOT get into those pants by stuffing my face on Christmas and New Year’s.

I have but one goal for this next week: not to weigh more next week than I weigh this week. How do I plan to accomplish this? I am going to exercise, I am going to track everything I eat, and I am NOT going to stuff myself while at my parents’ house this weekend. I am going to enjoy the time with my family and not make it all about the food. Will I have a few treats? Yes. Will I enjoy them? Yes. Will I eat to the point where I feel as though I am going to burst? NO. I am determined to end the year feeling triumphant and not guilty. I am sick of losing weight one week and maintaining or gaining the next week (although I will definitely take maintenance over a gain). I need to get off the weight loss roller coaster and onto a stable path.

Stay tuned next Monday for a report on the holiday weekend.

Christmas Survey

I found this fun little survey on Caroline's blog (http://carolineandfredsmithwick.blogspot.com) and thought I would fill it out, too. Next week I will resume Friday Five with my top 5 Christmas albums!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper, unless it's oddly shaped, and then I will use a gift bag. I have really come to love wrapping presents!

2. Real tree or artificial?

I think we only had a real tree a few times when I was growing up, and I really think an artificial tree is easier to deal with. Plus, it's better than killing a live one.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually the weekend before or after Thanksgiving, depending on our travel plans.

4. Do you like eggnog?

Stephen likes it, but it is too thick for me. Plus, a ½ cup has 140 calories! That's crazy!

5. Favorite gift received as a child?

Oh, wow, I don't even remember. Probably something related to Barbies.

6. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes, I have one that my mom passed on to me.

7. Hardest person to buy for?

My parents.

8. Easiest person to buy for?

Stephen's parents. They give us options.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards?

I mailed cards last year, but I didn't this year. Sorry.

10. Favorite Christmas movie?

White Christmas.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Sometime in November, but I don't do the bulk of it until early December.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Pie. Or the monkey bread my mom makes. Yummy.

13. Clear lights or colored lights on the tree?

We have clear lights on our tree, and I like them, but I also think colored lights are fun.

14. Favorite Christmas song?

"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

15. Travel or stay home at Christmas?

We travel. This year we will be in Memphis with my family.

16. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, and of course Rudolph!

17. Angel on tree top or star?

We actually have a big red bow on the top of our tree.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

We have done it both ways. I am not sure what we will do this year, but it will probably be Christmas morning.

19. The most annoying thing about this time of year?

Shopping in crowds, all the hype about stuff.

20. What I love most about Christmas?

I love everything about Christmas–the celebration of Jesus, the music, the colder weather, the time with friends and family.

 

This Post Brought to You by the Letter R for Random

I know this will sadden all of my readers greatly, but today’s post will be the last of the reader questions. I’ve taken long enough to answer these, right? Most of the ones I’m answering today are ones that I can answer quickly, so I thought I’d try and cover a bunch of them. Consider it an online survey made by you and answered by me!

From Mary, an excellent weight loss/health blogger:
What is your favorite hobby (um, besides blogging)?
This is rather sad, but I don’t know! I used to be an avid reader but now struggle with finding time to read, so the most I read is during my lunch break at work. I also used to play the guitar, and I am thinking about trying to learn how to play again.

If you could go anywhere in the world, right now, where would you go? Italy, all of it, but especially Florence and Venice. I have wanted to go to Italy for years and years. Someday I will get there. (Right, Stephen?) :)


From Renee, a lovely poet whose first chapbook is coming out soon:
Where do you see yourself in ten years? It is hard to imagine myself in 10 years, but I will be 38 (eek!), and I hope to have one or two children by then if the Lord wills. I hope to be at home with them, happily managing our household. I want to be as madly in love with Stephen as I am right now (or more so), I want to be pursuing the Lord wholeheartedly, and I want to be in service to the church in whatever ways I can.

What are some things you've improved on in the past five years, and what are some things you're still working on? I think I’ve become less of a perfectionist, which is a HUGE victory. I also have become more flexible, more confident, and less affected by unkind words. On the flip side, I am still far too concerned with what other people think, and I am still a very fearful and anxious person most of the time, and I know each of these things hinders my walk with Christ.


From Heather, another lovely writer:

What is your ultimate dream job? To have children and stay at home with them. If we’re talking outside the realm of probability, I’d love to work with dolphins. Or be a famous singer or writer.

How do you keep your spiritual life fresh? What devotionals/books would you recommend, specifically for women, if any? That’s a good question. I find that it helps me to have a reading plan of sorts, to give focus to my devotional time. For example, I just finished reading what I call the General Electric Power Company (aka, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians). I now have moved on to the minor prophets. I also like plans that take you through the Bible in one year. I haven’t actually read any devotionals directed toward women, but I love My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. I also love this really wonderful little book called Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. It’s comprised of journal entries that are a glimpse into the heart of a woman trying to follow God. I highly recommend it.


From Sarah E.:
Tell a funny/embarrassing story. When I was in middle school, I decided to run for student council vice president. To this day I really don’t know why I thought I had any chance of winning, but I was very gung-ho about it. Each candidate had to give speeches to each grade at different assemblies, and when it came time for me to give my speech to my grade, I completely froze, forgot I had notecards in front of me with ALL THE WORDS ON THEM, and rambled for a bit before bursting into tears and sitting down. Needless to say, I didn’t win the election. :)


From Lauren, a true bibliophile:
How do you cope with the munchies? I munch. Just kidding! (Well, most of the time.) I try to keep myself busy. I will chew gum or drink water, and if I am at home, I avoid the kitchen when at all possible. At work it’s not as hard because there’s no vending machine (praise the Lord), and I just bring one snack to work with me every day. If it’s at night and past my self-imposed curfew of 8 p.m., I try to ONLY eat if I am really hungry, and then I limit my selection to fruit. Brushing my teeth also helps a lot.

How has your journey towards being healthy effected your marriage? your relationship with friends? family? This is a really good question. I think my marriage has been improved in that I have been able to see just how supportive and awesome Stephen is. He has been my biggest cheerleader and source of strength during the whole process, and without him I don’t even know if I would have begun trying to lose weight. I was fine just talking about it until he asked, "How will you change it?" I don’t feel that my relationships with friends or family have been affected to much, besides the fact that they too have been so supportive and encouraging.


From Macy, who shares my love of all things purple:
Do you ever do creative writing? short stores? poems? It seems like you would be the kind of person who would, and if you do, sharing it here with us would be lovely! :)
I started writing when I was in the fourth grade and have always enjoyed it. (Back then, my favorite poem that I wrote began with, "Colors, colors everywhere, / A little here, a little there." Even then my genius was evident.) Although the only writing I have done in the past few years has been on this blog, I have always enjoyed writing and admired other people’s writing endeavors. In college I primarily wrote poetry, though I also dabbled in creative nonfiction and short fiction. I have stopped and started a novel at least 5 times. Maybe next year I will participate in NaNoWriMo and actually finish a novel. If you go through the blog archives, you can find some of the poems I posted on here. They’re mediocre at best.

So that’s it! I hope you feel as though you know me a little better. Thanks to all of you who asked questions and thanks to all of you who read my blog. I really appreciate it!

Sometimes the Hardest Thing and the Right Thing Are the Same

I have a confession:  I have not been running.  After the 5k I did in the beginning of October, I started running for shorter amounts of time, and then in November I started doing some speed work.  I quickly injured myself and then had a hard time wanting to get back into running.  I hardly ran at all after that, and it started getting colder so I began going to the gym more.  While doing interval workouts on the treadmill at the gym, I would run, but only for 2-3 minutes at a time, or 5 at the absolute most because I utterly hate running on the treadmill.  Then I started to feel like maybe I would just give up running altogether.  After all, I liked walking, so why not just stick with that?  However, walking doesn’t burn as many calories, and I was already walking at 4.3 mph on the treadmill, so how much faster could I really go before it turned into a jog?  I had to be honest with myself and admit that running was hard and walking was easy, and let’s face it, I like easy. 

 

But the easy choices are what made me fat.  It was easier to eat fast food all the time and sit on the couch and watch TV all day.  It was easier not to exercise.  It was easier not to put thought into what I would eat.  It was easier to give into every food craving I had.  It was easier not to worry about calories or nutritional value.  Easy, easy, easy. 

 

However, the supreme irony of all of these easy choices is that they just made life harder.  It was harder to get excited about shopping because I knew I would only have a teeny tiny area in the store from which to choose my clothes.  It was harder to hang out with other people because I always felt like the biggest girl in the room.  It was harder to feel good about myself because I hated how I looked.  It was harder to walk up a flight of stairs or walk around the mall. 

So even though running is hard, and even though losing weight is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I’ve decided I’ll take hard over easy any day of the week. 

 

This morning I ran for 20 minutes straight and walked for another 25, and I felt really good.  I’m going to try and do 2 more 20-minute runs this week, and then I’ll bump it up to 25 next week, and 30 the week after that, until I am back to the running shape I was in during the month of August, when I ran my longest distance of 6 miles.  I really would like to run a 10k and maybe even a half marathon in 2010, and that won’t happen if I don’t run (duh, right?).  So here I go!  It will be hard, but I have a feeling it will be worth it.  

 

 

*The title of this post brought to you by The Fray's song "All At Once."

Friday Five: Classic Christmas Songs

I love Christmas music and look forward to listening to it every year.  I usually try to wait until after Thanksgiving before listening to it, but I didn't make it this year.  We decorated our tree the weekend before Thanksgiving, and of course you can't do that without listening to Christmas music! 

 

Here are my favorite traditional, classic Christmas songs.  Next week I will discuss modern Christmas songs that I love. 

 

1.  “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.”  This is my absolute favorite because not only are the lyrics beautiful, the melody is as well.  Steven Curtis Chapman has a lovely version of it.

 

2. “O Holy Night.”  There are about a billion versions of this, so I won't pick just one, but I really enjoy Celine Dion's and Josh Groban's versions. 

 

3.  “Joy to the World.”  Faith Hill’s rendition of this song is perfect because it sounds so triumphant and grand.

 

4.  “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.”  MercyMe's interpretation of this song is amazing.  And if you've never really read the lyrics to this one, I definitely recommend doing so. 

 

5.  “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”  I love it when Judy Garland sings this in “Meet Me in St. Louis.”   Joy Williams also sings it beautifully.

 

Now it's your turn.  What are your favorite Christmas songs?

 

 

The Hardest Part

I have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's feedback on these questions, and it's been really helpful for me. Thank you!

Here's the third and final question from Jen: "What is the 2 or 3 hardest things about losing weight?"

My answer to this question has been different depending on where I am in my weight loss journey. When I first began, the hardest things were counting calories and exercising. Now those things are fairly routine for me. Then I struggled with comparing my rate of weight loss with that of others and feeling inferior as a result (and I still struggle with this to a degree, though I think I've improved). One thing I have struggled with the whole time is my desire for food and the emotional attachment I have with certain foods. I am constantly having to remind myself that food is not a solution to problems but is fuel for my body.

The hardest thing for me right now is fighting feelings of rebellion. Sometimes I just want to say, "Who cares about being healthy? Is it really worth all of this struggle? Why can’t I just eat what I want?" Of course, if what I wanted to eat were healthy, that would be fine, but the truth that I am still trying to absorb is that there is no finish line when it comes to being healthy; healthiness is a lifelong pursuit. I need to get used to it now and ingrain these healthy habits into my heart and mind so I can pass them on to my children someday.

If you have lost weight or are trying to lose weight, what has been the hardest thing for you?

Just Out of Reach

Yesterday I answered Jen's questions about emotions and weight loss, and I enjoyed your responses to that post. After reading them, I wonder if struggling with body image is primarily a female issue. Are there any males out there willing to weigh in (no pun intended) on the question?

Today here is my response to Jen's second question: "Are you at your goal weight? What was your goal when you first started versus where you are now?

The answer is no, I am not at my goal weight. When I first started this process on January 21, 2008, I weighed 261 pounds and hoped to lose 100 pounds in a year. For some people that goal is very doable, but it ended up not being realistic for me. I managed to lose 50 pounds in the first year and then felt certain I would reach my goal in 2009. That too did not happen, and I find myself nearing the end of the year having lost under 30 pounds. Unless something approaching the miraculous happens before January 21, 2010, I will reach the two-year anniversary of my weight loss without reaching my goal of losing 100 pounds. I have a hard time with this because I have read so many weight loss stories where people took less time to lose the weight that I have and in fact lost even MORE than I have in less time. This is very disappointing to me, but I know the fault lies with no one but myself.

I have struggled with whether or not I still want to get to 161 pounds, but if I am honest with myself, I think that’s because I am tired of trying to lose weight and deep down don’t even believe I can get to my goal. I have been stuck in the 180s for the latter half of the year, and I am still trying to figure out what exactly isn’t clicking. I am thankful I haven't gained back all the weight I've lost, and I am slowly but surely moving in the right direction, but I feel like that final goal is always just out of reach. I'm open to any advice or wisdom anyone would like to share!

Mirror, Mirror

Jen, whose blog I love and read every day, asked me some great questions about my weight loss. Initially I was going to just answer one, but they are all kind of connected and are important, so I am going to answer all three of them in separate posts (since my attempt to write concise answers to each one failed miserably).

Today’s question:

"How have you dealt with the emotional effects of losing weight? Do you see yourself at the weight you really are?"

Emotions (and my inability to handle them properly) played a huge role in why I became fat, and they continue to play a huge role in how/why I lose weight. I think that part of the reason my weight loss has become stagnant is because I haven’t really gotten to the heart of all the reasons I gained weight in the first place, so they are still there below the surface. I struggle with being afraid of getting to my goal weight because then what happens if I gain it all back? I also don’t know how to handle compliments well, though I have gotten better. It both flatters me and bothers me a bit when people say, "You look beautiful! I didn’t even recognize you" because then I think, "Was I so ugly before?"

I do have a hard time knowing what I "really" look like now; sometimes I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be surprised by what I see. I can’t get an accurate image of myself in my head, if that makes sense. Oddly enough, I had this problem when I was obese. I often told myself I wasn’t that big, and it was only until I would see pictures that I realized how fat I was. I don’t know how I can look in a mirror and not see what’s really there, but I do it all the time. I still imagine myself to be very large, and every now and I then I will realize anew that I am not so large anymore. I’m not skinny by any means, but I have lost a significant amount of weight and am not the same person I was when I started this weight loss journey. I am working on loving my body and appreciating all it allows me to do.

What about you? Do you see yourself in an accurate light?

Friday Five: Christmas Movies

I absolutely love the Christmas season, and there are some movies that I try and watch every year around this time.  Here are my favorites:

1.  White Christmas.  This is such a classic and full of wonderful music, and the dancing is so fun!  I never get tired of it.  I love the scene when Rosemary Clooney sings "Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me" and is wearing that fantastic black dress. 

2.  A Christmas Story.  The fact that I love this movie drives my family crazy because I always want to watch the marathon of it on Christmas day.  I think it is just hysterical, especially the scene where they eat Christmas dinner at the Chinese restaurant. 

3.  Meet Me in St. Louis.  Another classic musical.  I don't know that this is actually considered a Christmas movie, but for me it is.  I love Judy Garland in it, and the character of Tootie is adorable. 

4.  Elf.  A modern-day classic, full of quotable lines.  "I like smiling.  Smiling's my favorite."

5.  It's a Wonderful Life.  Can you have a list of Christmas movies without including this one?  I don't think so! 

What are your favorite Christmas movies? 

There's No Title to Make the Contents of This Post Seem Cohesive

I did my final weigh-in for November yesterday, and the scale read 185.6, which means I gained 1.4 pounds over the month, despite seeing a new low of 182.6 earlier in the month. OUCH. I wasn’t terribly surprised, however, since I did not track my eating while out of town, nor was I especially wise in my choices. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, however, and though my choices weren’t always the best, I was mindful of everything I was eating instead of just pigging out and then coming out of a food coma later and wondering what happened. So even though I gained 3 pounds, I honestly don’t feel that badly about it. I’m owning up to it and moving on. I am hopeful that I can shake the pounds soon and end the year on a high note.

Now, onto another reader question! Sarah E asked, "How did you decide to go to Union, what did you major in, and why?"

When I was in the eighth grade, a group of college students came to my church and did a Disciple Now weekend, which was basically Bible studies held in different homes. The girls who led my group were amazing, and I soaked up everything they said. They went to Union, and they talked about how they loved it there, and I just knew I was going to go there when I went to college. Fast forward to junior year, and I was getting ready to apply for college. I looked at other colleges and got invited to apply at a few of them, but I still had Union on the brain. I visited the campus and fell in love with it. In the fall of my senior year I submitted my one and only college application–to Union. I knew I was supposed to go there, and even though admission to Union carried with it a hefty tuition fee, I trusted that God would provide. I scored high enough on my ACT to apply for the highest scholarship offered by the university (tuition plus room and board), and I wrote my essay and went to an interview and waited anxiously to see what would happen. I was offered a full tuition scholarship, which eliminated most of the financial burden! I was so excited and couldn’t wait to graduate.

My time at Union was even better than I could have imagined. Though I was lonely and scared at first, I soon found a group of friends with whom I could be myself, and we made so many good memories. I was challenged in my walk with Christ through the chapel services and on-campus Bible studies and conferences, and because of Union, I was able to travel overseas to Thailand and Kenya on mission trips. If I hadn’t gone to Union, I wouldn’t have met three of the women who later were bridesmaids in my wedding–Emily, Marya, and Erin. Most of all, I wouldn’t have met my husband Stephen! Union will always hold a special place in my heart, and I am so grateful to have had such an amazing college experience!

As for how I decided on my major, I came into Union as an elementary education major but soon realized that while I enjoy little kids, I wanted my students to be able to tie their shoes and act somewhat mature, so I switched to an English major with a secondary education minor. I loved all of my English classes in high school and thought it would be great to have a major that focused on reading and writing. I took a ton of great English classes and loved my professors. At the end of my junior year I decided that I didn't want to teach high school, so I dropped my secondary ed minor (with only 2 classes and student teaching left to take) and changed to an incredibly generic minor called human studies, which is a conglomeration of several disciplines. I only lacked one class to fulfill the requirement. It was an easy way out of student teaching, basically. I regret not following through with it now, but I am still not sure I would be a good high school English teacher. I would have a hard time with classroom discipline.

So there's my long-winded response to your question, Sarah! I'm going to have to figure out how to shorten these answers so I can cover more than one question per post. :)

Now it's your turn: What did you major in during college, and do you use your major today?