I love clothes. They're kind of important. And I love cute clothes. I don't, however, always love shopping. You know why? Because every time I go shopping I am forced to try on each pair of pants in at least two different sizes. Why? Because clothing manufacturers all have a top-secret formula for determining clothing size, and they apparently aren't sharing formulas. Shopping then becomes a cosmic guessing game. Will I be a size 18 or 16? Plus-sized or regular? So I just grab a little everything and hope I can find a pair that isn't hideous, grossly overpriced, and fits. When I think of all the variables to consider, I deem it a small miracle when I find a pair (or on an extremely fortuitous day, two pairs) of pants.
Take my latest shopping venture, for example. I am in a frustrating place when it comes to sizing because a lot of plus-sized clothing no longer fits (hallelujah!), but many misses clothes don't fit, either. So when I went to JC Penney, I grabbed pants from both sections, not knowing what in the world to expect. What's interesting is that I tried on size 16 and size 16W, and there seemed to be NO difference in how those two fit in one brand. But in another brand, the 16W was too big, but a regular 16 was too small (and there was no regular 18 to try, nor was there a 14W). It's enough to give a girl a headache! I ended up buying two pairs of pants (size 16W), and even though I would have preferred to have pants without the "W" on the end, these were on sale and looked good, so I bought them. Ultimately, it isn't about the number on the clothes, it's about how those clothes make me feel.
Is it too much to ask for a little consistency when it comes to clothing sizes? Why is it so hard to create a consistent sizing system that all manufacturers use? Can you imagine how much easier that would make shopping?? I would love to be able to walk into a store and pick a pair of pants off a rack and know they'll fit, but I suppose that will only happen in my dreams.
Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just me? Surely I'm not alone in this craziness.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Life Lately
The Good...
1. I went shopping on Sunday for new pants (I got tired of people saying to me, "Your pants are too big."), and I am now in a size 16! (Well, in some brands anyway, but that's a rant for another post.)
2. I have been getting up just 2 minutes after my alarm goes off. This is a HUGE development, as I have been staying in bed for about 20 minutes after my alarm goes off. This Monday I told myself I was going to get up quickly, and I did, and then I did it again today. I'm determined to make this a habit.
3. Because I've been getting up earlier, I've been able to go to the gym and workout, which is good because I burn more calories on the cardio machines there than at home.
4. I am staying on top of things I need to do for school, so there's been not as much last minute planning. It helps that this is the 5th time I've taught this course (in less than 2 years!).
5. I am in love with fruit! I crave it, especially grapes and tangerines and clementines.
The Not-So-Good...
1. I peaked at the scale on Monday morning, and I'm UP half a pound from the last time I weighed! I'm not even sure I want to weigh in again on Saturday to see my month-end weight, since now I feel that there's little hope of being below 200 pounds, but I need to do it, if only to slap myself back into shape.
2. I've been rather lax with the eating. I have had too much movie theater popcorn and pizza lately. Both of those are foods I could eat for days, and I need to recognize that and exert more willpower. All the exercise in the world won't matter if I eat my weight in junk!
3. I am out of a job come summer, and this stresses me out just slightly. And by "slightly" I of course really mean "extremely".) I'm trying to trust, though.
Well, what do you know, the good outweighs the bad! Life, it seems, is good. :)
1. I went shopping on Sunday for new pants (I got tired of people saying to me, "Your pants are too big."), and I am now in a size 16! (Well, in some brands anyway, but that's a rant for another post.)
2. I have been getting up just 2 minutes after my alarm goes off. This is a HUGE development, as I have been staying in bed for about 20 minutes after my alarm goes off. This Monday I told myself I was going to get up quickly, and I did, and then I did it again today. I'm determined to make this a habit.
3. Because I've been getting up earlier, I've been able to go to the gym and workout, which is good because I burn more calories on the cardio machines there than at home.
4. I am staying on top of things I need to do for school, so there's been not as much last minute planning. It helps that this is the 5th time I've taught this course (in less than 2 years!).
5. I am in love with fruit! I crave it, especially grapes and tangerines and clementines.
The Not-So-Good...
1. I peaked at the scale on Monday morning, and I'm UP half a pound from the last time I weighed! I'm not even sure I want to weigh in again on Saturday to see my month-end weight, since now I feel that there's little hope of being below 200 pounds, but I need to do it, if only to slap myself back into shape.
2. I've been rather lax with the eating. I have had too much movie theater popcorn and pizza lately. Both of those are foods I could eat for days, and I need to recognize that and exert more willpower. All the exercise in the world won't matter if I eat my weight in junk!
3. I am out of a job come summer, and this stresses me out just slightly. And by "slightly" I of course really mean "extremely".) I'm trying to trust, though.
Well, what do you know, the good outweighs the bad! Life, it seems, is good. :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Confessional
1. Sometimes I still have no idea what I'm doing with this whole weight loss thing.
2. I have a hard time accepting compliments. I have gotten better about externally acknowledging them by saying, "Thank you" instead of "Are you crazy?", but I still very much struggle with this internally. Recently, when I changed my profile picture on facebook and got about 20 comments about how great I looked, I freaked out and changed it to one with both Stephen and me in it because I felt weird having so many people make comments. I also felt like somehow that picture didn't really show what I looked like because of the angle it was taken, so if they had seen me in real life, surely they wouldn't feel the same way. And just today I saw someone in the hall, and when she told me I looked skinny, in my head I thought, "Ha! I hardly think that's an accurate adjective to use for me." How twisted am I??
3. I look at my body in the mirror and fear I will never like what I see. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of how far I've come, but what if I get to my goal weight, and I still don't like my body?
4. Mere hours after writing my post about 100-calorie snack packs and healthy snacks, I ate 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a piece of white bread. Well, 3 cookies and one tablespoonful of dough. The white bread had fallen out of the package, and it looked so good and I hadn't had any in so long (my husband eats white bread) that I ate it. It wasn't that good. Wheat really is better. Now I know.
5. Just about every day at 4 p.m., I am plagued with a strong case of the munchies. Almost always I either fight the urge or eat something healthy, but sometimes I fail. (See #4.)
6. I still really love pizza. And potato chips. And McDonald's french fries. I just don't eat them in the massive quantities I used to.
7. I don't push myself hard enough in my workouts. There are certain exercises I know I could do, but I intimidate myself to the point that I just do the same old things I'm used to doing.
8. Related to #7, I don't like trying things I am not sure I will be successful with. This is a horrible character quality I need to fix. However, I think I made a huge leap in this category when I went to grad school. I really thought I wouldn't make it.
9. I am a firm believer in the ability of my family and friends to do big things with their lives, but I rarely apply the same type of optimism to my own life. How depressing.
10. I find it easier to be open and honest on my blog than in real life.
After writing this out, I realize how negative a lot of these things are. I fill my mind with so much negative self-talk and don't allow myself to think on whatever is "true, excellent, pure, and praiseworthy." I need to learn the practice of taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.
What about you? Anything you'd like to confess? :)
2. I have a hard time accepting compliments. I have gotten better about externally acknowledging them by saying, "Thank you" instead of "Are you crazy?", but I still very much struggle with this internally. Recently, when I changed my profile picture on facebook and got about 20 comments about how great I looked, I freaked out and changed it to one with both Stephen and me in it because I felt weird having so many people make comments. I also felt like somehow that picture didn't really show what I looked like because of the angle it was taken, so if they had seen me in real life, surely they wouldn't feel the same way. And just today I saw someone in the hall, and when she told me I looked skinny, in my head I thought, "Ha! I hardly think that's an accurate adjective to use for me." How twisted am I??
3. I look at my body in the mirror and fear I will never like what I see. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of how far I've come, but what if I get to my goal weight, and I still don't like my body?
4. Mere hours after writing my post about 100-calorie snack packs and healthy snacks, I ate 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a piece of white bread. Well, 3 cookies and one tablespoonful of dough. The white bread had fallen out of the package, and it looked so good and I hadn't had any in so long (my husband eats white bread) that I ate it. It wasn't that good. Wheat really is better. Now I know.
5. Just about every day at 4 p.m., I am plagued with a strong case of the munchies. Almost always I either fight the urge or eat something healthy, but sometimes I fail. (See #4.)
6. I still really love pizza. And potato chips. And McDonald's french fries. I just don't eat them in the massive quantities I used to.
7. I don't push myself hard enough in my workouts. There are certain exercises I know I could do, but I intimidate myself to the point that I just do the same old things I'm used to doing.
8. Related to #7, I don't like trying things I am not sure I will be successful with. This is a horrible character quality I need to fix. However, I think I made a huge leap in this category when I went to grad school. I really thought I wouldn't make it.
9. I am a firm believer in the ability of my family and friends to do big things with their lives, but I rarely apply the same type of optimism to my own life. How depressing.
10. I find it easier to be open and honest on my blog than in real life.
After writing this out, I realize how negative a lot of these things are. I fill my mind with so much negative self-talk and don't allow myself to think on whatever is "true, excellent, pure, and praiseworthy." I need to learn the practice of taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.
What about you? Anything you'd like to confess? :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
All Calories Are Not Created Equal
I saw a commercial for 100 Calorie Oreo Cakesters this morning, and I just had to laugh. Am I the only one who thinks the whole 100-calorie pack trend is out of control? Not only are the packs a rip-off (containing 5-6 servings for typically a higher cost than their non-individually-packaged counterparts), but most of them are nutritional wastelands. Just because it has 100 calories doesn't mean it's good for you. 100 calories of Cheetos is still Cheetos! The 100-calorie packs are a prime example of how diet foods are not always the best choice. Sure, you're only consuming 100 calories (IF you only eat one package, and let's face it, people will often eat more than one at a time), but what benefit do those 100 calories have for your body? Very little, in most cases! Replacing a higher-calorie, nutrient-poor food (like an Oreo) with a lower-calorie, nutrient-poor food (like a 100 calorie Oreo Cakester) is a pitiful trade-off, if you ask me. Sure, you can eat a package of sugar free Oreos or some SnackWells cookies for minimal calories, but wouldn't it be better to just eat an apple? Eating an apple with a tablespoon of peanut butter is one of my favorite snacks, and not only is that snack relatively low in calories, it has nutritional benefits, including fiber and protein.
I think one of the reasons the 100-calorie packs have been so wildly popular is because of their built-in portion control. Many people eat mindlessly, sitting in front of the TV with an open bag of chips or cookies, and it's very easy to eat 2-3 (or even 4-5) servings in one sitting if you're not paying attention. (Believe me, I speak from personal experience.) For these people, the snack packs are a blessing and a way to keep from overeating. But the thing is, people could easily talk themselves into eating more than one pack at a time because they're only 100 calories after all (and usually the servings are disappointingly small), and before they know it, they've probably eaten way more than they needed (again, personal experience talking here).
The snack packs also allow people to indulge their sweet tooth without consuming a ton of calories, which admittedly is a good thing, but I also think it's far too tempting to rely on the snacks as a daily food source rather than an occasional treat. Even eating lower calorie diet foods daily can have a negative effect, if those foods are taking the place of ones that provide your body with the nutrients and energy it needs to function at its highest level. I don't avoid all sweets; quite the contrary in fact. But if I am going to indulge, I eat one piece of a Dove chocolate or have some Jell-O Sugar Free dark chocolate pudding, which has 3 grams of fiber and is only 60 calories. You can still make occasional sweets a part of a healthy lifestyle.
From a financial standpoint, it makes more sense to just buy the "regular" version of some of these snacks and portion them out yourself, using plastic baggies or tupperware containers. From a nutritional standpoint, it makes more sense to bypass most of those foods altogether and choose foods that are low in calories and high in fiber and protein.
Some of my favorite snacks: almonds, grapes, carrots with a little ranch dressing, apples with peanut butter, whole wheat toast with peanut butter, tangerines.
Do you buy any 100-calorie packs? What healthy snacks are your favorites?
I think one of the reasons the 100-calorie packs have been so wildly popular is because of their built-in portion control. Many people eat mindlessly, sitting in front of the TV with an open bag of chips or cookies, and it's very easy to eat 2-3 (or even 4-5) servings in one sitting if you're not paying attention. (Believe me, I speak from personal experience.) For these people, the snack packs are a blessing and a way to keep from overeating. But the thing is, people could easily talk themselves into eating more than one pack at a time because they're only 100 calories after all (and usually the servings are disappointingly small), and before they know it, they've probably eaten way more than they needed (again, personal experience talking here).
The snack packs also allow people to indulge their sweet tooth without consuming a ton of calories, which admittedly is a good thing, but I also think it's far too tempting to rely on the snacks as a daily food source rather than an occasional treat. Even eating lower calorie diet foods daily can have a negative effect, if those foods are taking the place of ones that provide your body with the nutrients and energy it needs to function at its highest level. I don't avoid all sweets; quite the contrary in fact. But if I am going to indulge, I eat one piece of a Dove chocolate or have some Jell-O Sugar Free dark chocolate pudding, which has 3 grams of fiber and is only 60 calories. You can still make occasional sweets a part of a healthy lifestyle.
From a financial standpoint, it makes more sense to just buy the "regular" version of some of these snacks and portion them out yourself, using plastic baggies or tupperware containers. From a nutritional standpoint, it makes more sense to bypass most of those foods altogether and choose foods that are low in calories and high in fiber and protein.
Some of my favorite snacks: almonds, grapes, carrots with a little ranch dressing, apples with peanut butter, whole wheat toast with peanut butter, tangerines.
Do you buy any 100-calorie packs? What healthy snacks are your favorites?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Weekly Workouts: Feb. 15-Feb. 21
Last week I only worked out 4 times and burned only 1740 calories. And you know what? I enjoyed the break. I hadn't intended to have a lighter week, but toward the end of the week I just felt like my body needed a little rest, so I took off Friday and Saturday. After working out all but 3 days in January and burning over 3000 calories each week, I figured I was overdue for a little active recovery. This week, however, it's back in action so I can see that 1__ on the scale at the end of the month!
Sunday: 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk (miles 3-5): 40 minutes
Status: DONE
Monday: 15 min. SP abs workout, GAIAM Lower Body Balance Ball workout, 10 min. SP cardio video: 45 minutes
Tuesday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Wednesday: OFF (will do some ab work)
Thursday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Friday: OFF (will do some ab work)
Saturday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Total minutes: 265
Calories burned goal: 2700
Sunday: 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk (miles 3-5): 40 minutes
Status: DONE
Monday: 15 min. SP abs workout, GAIAM Lower Body Balance Ball workout, 10 min. SP cardio video: 45 minutes
Tuesday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Wednesday: OFF (will do some ab work)
Thursday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Friday: OFF (will do some ab work)
Saturday: Cardio and strength training at the gym: 60 minutes
Total minutes: 265
Calories burned goal: 2700
Thursday, February 12, 2009
No Power Except that which Is Given
Even though I planned to weigh in tomorrow morning, I opted for today instead because I knew hubby and I were going out for lunch today, so I didn't want to risk seeing a higher number on the scale tomorrow because I ate too much pizza. Sneaky, huh? I weighed in at 202 on the dot, which is a total loss of 59.4 pounds! I really wish I could say it were exactly 60, but at this point I'm so excited to be close to kissing the 200s goodbye that I don't care too much. I have no doubt that when I weigh in again at the end of the month, I'll see a number that begins with a 1, and I will do a little happy dance right there in the bathroom. :)
It may be hard for me to wait until the end of the month to weigh again, but I'm going to try my best so that I don't get wrapped up in the scale again. It's been really freeing to weigh less often, and I find myself less stressed by weigh ins in general, and that's definitely good for my mental and emotional health. Even though I will be beyond thrilled to see a number under 200 pounds when I weigh again, I know that I'm more than a number on a scale. The number can fluctuate on a daily or even hourly basis, so why let my self-worth be determined by it? I look at the other changes I have made in my life to know I'm moving in the right direction. I am through with letting that number define me. Why do we get so wrapped up in what the scale says? It's not as if we go around with that number plastered on our foreheads, and it's not as if it is our sole means of identity. No one even knows that number unless you share it, and even then it's not as though it will turn away those who truly love and care for you. The value of a person is measured not in pounds. So while people may read my blogs and judge me because I let myself get to 261 pounds, I'm not concerned about what those people think. I have better things to do with my time, and I've spent too many wasted years beating myself up, all the while doing nothing but continuing to eat the same junk food day in and day out. That changed last January, and I am through with pity parties and excuses. I want to make each day count and live each day in such a way that pleases God, not men.
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)
It may be hard for me to wait until the end of the month to weigh again, but I'm going to try my best so that I don't get wrapped up in the scale again. It's been really freeing to weigh less often, and I find myself less stressed by weigh ins in general, and that's definitely good for my mental and emotional health. Even though I will be beyond thrilled to see a number under 200 pounds when I weigh again, I know that I'm more than a number on a scale. The number can fluctuate on a daily or even hourly basis, so why let my self-worth be determined by it? I look at the other changes I have made in my life to know I'm moving in the right direction. I am through with letting that number define me. Why do we get so wrapped up in what the scale says? It's not as if we go around with that number plastered on our foreheads, and it's not as if it is our sole means of identity. No one even knows that number unless you share it, and even then it's not as though it will turn away those who truly love and care for you. The value of a person is measured not in pounds. So while people may read my blogs and judge me because I let myself get to 261 pounds, I'm not concerned about what those people think. I have better things to do with my time, and I've spent too many wasted years beating myself up, all the while doing nothing but continuing to eat the same junk food day in and day out. That changed last January, and I am through with pity parties and excuses. I want to make each day count and live each day in such a way that pleases God, not men.
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
From the Blog Archives: A Valentine's Day Reminiscence
In honor of Valentine's Day on Saturday, I thought I would re-post this entry from my blog about my worst Valentine's Day experience. It's long but well worth the read, in my humble opinion (and if you disagree, I don't want to know about it).
* * * * *
I thought that some of you anti-Valentine's people could use a little humor, so I am going to share the worst Valentine's Day experience I've ever had. It just so happens that this experience occurred just last year, and the only reason I didn't share it at the time is because the guy read my blog. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read it now, though, so I feel safe in telling this story. All parts of this story are completely true, unfortunately. Guys: let this be a lesson on how not to conduct a date. Girls: if you find yourself in a similar situation, try to be kind. Some guys just need more help than others.
I don't know if I ever really broadcasted this information on my blog, but I tried eHarmony last year for quite a while, and I went on quite a few dates (I called that school year the year of boys). I had been emailing this one guy, we'll call him Jim, for a few weeks, and he was funny and sweet in his emails, so I was a little interested. Then he called me a few times, and while it was pretty awkward, I chalked it up to nerves and hoped he would improve over time. He asked me out for our first date on Valentine's Day, and while I was definitely a little hesitant to have a first date with someone on the most romantic day of the year (supposedly), I felt bad saying no, so I said yes. Mistake number one.
So that night (a Tuesday), he came and picked me up, and he was really sweet, really cute, and he brought me roses and Godiva chocolates. A little much for a first date, but it was sweet. Then we get in the car, and it's kind of silent so I ask him what kind of music he likes. He replied with, "I don't really listen to music that much." What?! I insisted that he must have some sort of favorite, but he just said he listens to "whatever's on the radio." That's when I knew this wasn't going to go well. Our dinner reservations weren't until 9:30 or something crazy like that because that was the earliest reservation he could get, so we went to see Nanny McPhee first (which was really cute), and that was okay because it was a movie and we didn't have to actually communicate. Then we went to the place where he'd made dinner reservations, which turned out to be this pretty fancy place with "mood lighting" and a very intimate environment. Apparently one of his friends told him he should try it, but he'd never been there before. Everything on the menu was pretty much $18.95 and up, so I got a hamburger because it was only $12.95 (I think I should have ordered prime rib).
I wish I could tell you that the romantic environment was the perfect compliment to our date, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Turns out Jim's awkwardness on the phone was only a foreshadowing of the awkwardness I experienced with him in person. No matter what I did, Jim just couldn't carry on a conversation. I'd ask him a question, he'd answer, and then there'd be this awkward silence until I thought of something else to ask him. When I told him he could feel free to ask me something, he asked, "What do you want me to ask?" (Again, I'd like to remind you that this is all true.) Later I asked him to tell me something about himself that I didn't know, he sat there in silence, thinking, and then said, "I don't do well with hard questions." Since when is asking someone about themselves a hard question?? I couldn't believe any guy could be that socially inept, but poor Jim was. The end of the night couldn't come soon enough. After the (very long) dinner, he took me home, walked me to my door, and we said goodbye. I thought for sure that was it. No way could he think that went well.
I'm so naive.
The next day, not even twenty-four hours later, he called and asked me out again. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there for a second. I told him, as nicely as I could, that I didn't really see things going anywhere with us. He said he understood, thanked me, and we hung up.
But that wasn't the end. Later that day I got an email from him. In it, he thanked me again for my honesty and then asked what was wrong with him. Apparently he's only been on two dates in his entire life (he was 26 at the time),and ours was the better of the two. He wanted to know if there was some huge defect in his character that he needed to know about, or if he was just a lost cause. He even asked if it was because he wore a brown belt with black shoes because he knew that was wrong but couldn't find his black belt. (I kid you not, he really said that. That was probably the cutest part of the email.) After trying to figure out how in the world to tell him nicely that he has no social skills, I wrote him and explained that I felt like I had to work too hard on the date, that he didn't really try to get to know me, and that I was exhausted with having to carry the whole evening. So he wrote me back, thanked me some more, and said he understood everything I said and would I be willing to give him a second chance. Jim's persistent, I'll give him that. But I told him no. And I guess it's a good thing I did, since now I have Stephen, and we have no problem carrying on a conversation!
Jim, if you're out there reading this, I hope this Valentine's Day goes better for you. And if there are other guys like Jim out there, know that there are worse things to fear than a date with a girl. Just be yourself, act interested, and talk! That's pretty much all there is to it.
Can anyone top that story? I'd love to hear more Valentine's Day horror stories. Or, some really sweet Valentine's Day stories.
(originally published February 14, 2007)
* * * * *
I thought that some of you anti-Valentine's people could use a little humor, so I am going to share the worst Valentine's Day experience I've ever had. It just so happens that this experience occurred just last year, and the only reason I didn't share it at the time is because the guy read my blog. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read it now, though, so I feel safe in telling this story. All parts of this story are completely true, unfortunately. Guys: let this be a lesson on how not to conduct a date. Girls: if you find yourself in a similar situation, try to be kind. Some guys just need more help than others.
I don't know if I ever really broadcasted this information on my blog, but I tried eHarmony last year for quite a while, and I went on quite a few dates (I called that school year the year of boys). I had been emailing this one guy, we'll call him Jim, for a few weeks, and he was funny and sweet in his emails, so I was a little interested. Then he called me a few times, and while it was pretty awkward, I chalked it up to nerves and hoped he would improve over time. He asked me out for our first date on Valentine's Day, and while I was definitely a little hesitant to have a first date with someone on the most romantic day of the year (supposedly), I felt bad saying no, so I said yes. Mistake number one.
So that night (a Tuesday), he came and picked me up, and he was really sweet, really cute, and he brought me roses and Godiva chocolates. A little much for a first date, but it was sweet. Then we get in the car, and it's kind of silent so I ask him what kind of music he likes. He replied with, "I don't really listen to music that much." What?! I insisted that he must have some sort of favorite, but he just said he listens to "whatever's on the radio." That's when I knew this wasn't going to go well. Our dinner reservations weren't until 9:30 or something crazy like that because that was the earliest reservation he could get, so we went to see Nanny McPhee first (which was really cute), and that was okay because it was a movie and we didn't have to actually communicate. Then we went to the place where he'd made dinner reservations, which turned out to be this pretty fancy place with "mood lighting" and a very intimate environment. Apparently one of his friends told him he should try it, but he'd never been there before. Everything on the menu was pretty much $18.95 and up, so I got a hamburger because it was only $12.95 (I think I should have ordered prime rib).
I wish I could tell you that the romantic environment was the perfect compliment to our date, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Turns out Jim's awkwardness on the phone was only a foreshadowing of the awkwardness I experienced with him in person. No matter what I did, Jim just couldn't carry on a conversation. I'd ask him a question, he'd answer, and then there'd be this awkward silence until I thought of something else to ask him. When I told him he could feel free to ask me something, he asked, "What do you want me to ask?" (Again, I'd like to remind you that this is all true.) Later I asked him to tell me something about himself that I didn't know, he sat there in silence, thinking, and then said, "I don't do well with hard questions." Since when is asking someone about themselves a hard question?? I couldn't believe any guy could be that socially inept, but poor Jim was. The end of the night couldn't come soon enough. After the (very long) dinner, he took me home, walked me to my door, and we said goodbye. I thought for sure that was it. No way could he think that went well.
I'm so naive.
The next day, not even twenty-four hours later, he called and asked me out again. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there for a second. I told him, as nicely as I could, that I didn't really see things going anywhere with us. He said he understood, thanked me, and we hung up.
But that wasn't the end. Later that day I got an email from him. In it, he thanked me again for my honesty and then asked what was wrong with him. Apparently he's only been on two dates in his entire life (he was 26 at the time),and ours was the better of the two. He wanted to know if there was some huge defect in his character that he needed to know about, or if he was just a lost cause. He even asked if it was because he wore a brown belt with black shoes because he knew that was wrong but couldn't find his black belt. (I kid you not, he really said that. That was probably the cutest part of the email.) After trying to figure out how in the world to tell him nicely that he has no social skills, I wrote him and explained that I felt like I had to work too hard on the date, that he didn't really try to get to know me, and that I was exhausted with having to carry the whole evening. So he wrote me back, thanked me some more, and said he understood everything I said and would I be willing to give him a second chance. Jim's persistent, I'll give him that. But I told him no. And I guess it's a good thing I did, since now I have Stephen, and we have no problem carrying on a conversation!
Jim, if you're out there reading this, I hope this Valentine's Day goes better for you. And if there are other guys like Jim out there, know that there are worse things to fear than a date with a girl. Just be yourself, act interested, and talk! That's pretty much all there is to it.
Can anyone top that story? I'd love to hear more Valentine's Day horror stories. Or, some really sweet Valentine's Day stories.
(originally published February 14, 2007)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Fat: An Autobiography, Part 2
(The first part is here.)
During my senior year of high school, I discovered step aerobics. My church offered classes twice a week, and my mom went and convinced me to try it. Despite my lack of coordination, I did it and was hooked. Soon I was going faithfully every week and really getting into it. I also started walking around my neighborhood. We lived fairly close to a park, so I’d walk there and then walk around the track, or I’d wind my way through the neighborhood. By the end of senior year, I was walking up to 5 miles at a time. I used to imagine myself walking in the Olympics. (Seriously. I imagined that there was a marathon walking category, and I took the gold. I have a rich fantasy life.)
I don’t remember how long it was before I started losing weight, but I lost some and was thrilled. I remember that for my birthday that year I got some sweaters from American Eagle, and I truly had never been so excited about clothes. For once I had some clothes from a “cool” store (even though I’m sure I managed to make them look completely uncool, given my less than desirable sense of fashion).
Soon people started to notice my weight loss and compliment me for it. I remember the first time someone at church called me a “skinny minnie." I think I lived on that compliment alone for a few days, and yet I still felt so isolated and so desperate and so hopelessly unattractive. Being fat is more than just a physical issue; it becomes a state of mind, and I struggled with feeling like a fat person in a thinner body. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I put on a happy face and was the perky, friendly Erin I thought everyone expected me to be.
One would think that losing some weight would make me happy, but in fact I was miserable. During that fall, I became deeply depressed and soon developed really terrible eating habits. I would eat some wheat thins and carrots one day, then binge on chocolate and potato chips the next, and so on and so on. I felt like my eating was the only thing I had control of, which is ironic because now I know I was completely out of control and used food as a way to make sense of all the emotions I was feeling. I lost 20 pounds in a small amount of time, and my mom actually took me to get tested for diabetes because she thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t tell her it was just my screwed up eating.
Only by the grace of God did I make it through senior year. I was an emotional wreck for a good chunk of that year, and my depression landed me in counseling. At the time I was so ashamed of this that only a few people in my life knew about it, but I’m through with shame and through with beating myself up. In my mind I was a “bad” Christian for needing counseling, but I’ve since come to learn that it was what I needed for me to be able to focus on God and my relationship with Him instead of going off the deep end.
I ended senior year on a good note, having worked through some issues and gotten a handle on eating and exercise. My senior prom was a dream because I wore a size 12 dress and felt like royalty. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t believe the person who was looking back at me.
Perhaps that disbelief is the reason why I didn’t stay that size. I didn’t really believe I deserved to or could be that size, and I “proved” that to myself in college.
To be continued…
During my senior year of high school, I discovered step aerobics. My church offered classes twice a week, and my mom went and convinced me to try it. Despite my lack of coordination, I did it and was hooked. Soon I was going faithfully every week and really getting into it. I also started walking around my neighborhood. We lived fairly close to a park, so I’d walk there and then walk around the track, or I’d wind my way through the neighborhood. By the end of senior year, I was walking up to 5 miles at a time. I used to imagine myself walking in the Olympics. (Seriously. I imagined that there was a marathon walking category, and I took the gold. I have a rich fantasy life.)
I don’t remember how long it was before I started losing weight, but I lost some and was thrilled. I remember that for my birthday that year I got some sweaters from American Eagle, and I truly had never been so excited about clothes. For once I had some clothes from a “cool” store (even though I’m sure I managed to make them look completely uncool, given my less than desirable sense of fashion).
Soon people started to notice my weight loss and compliment me for it. I remember the first time someone at church called me a “skinny minnie." I think I lived on that compliment alone for a few days, and yet I still felt so isolated and so desperate and so hopelessly unattractive. Being fat is more than just a physical issue; it becomes a state of mind, and I struggled with feeling like a fat person in a thinner body. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I put on a happy face and was the perky, friendly Erin I thought everyone expected me to be.
One would think that losing some weight would make me happy, but in fact I was miserable. During that fall, I became deeply depressed and soon developed really terrible eating habits. I would eat some wheat thins and carrots one day, then binge on chocolate and potato chips the next, and so on and so on. I felt like my eating was the only thing I had control of, which is ironic because now I know I was completely out of control and used food as a way to make sense of all the emotions I was feeling. I lost 20 pounds in a small amount of time, and my mom actually took me to get tested for diabetes because she thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t tell her it was just my screwed up eating.
Only by the grace of God did I make it through senior year. I was an emotional wreck for a good chunk of that year, and my depression landed me in counseling. At the time I was so ashamed of this that only a few people in my life knew about it, but I’m through with shame and through with beating myself up. In my mind I was a “bad” Christian for needing counseling, but I’ve since come to learn that it was what I needed for me to be able to focus on God and my relationship with Him instead of going off the deep end.
I ended senior year on a good note, having worked through some issues and gotten a handle on eating and exercise. My senior prom was a dream because I wore a size 12 dress and felt like royalty. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t believe the person who was looking back at me.
Perhaps that disbelief is the reason why I didn’t stay that size. I didn’t really believe I deserved to or could be that size, and I “proved” that to myself in college.
To be continued…
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Picture the Difference
Here's one of the pictures that woke me up to the fact that I was slowly destroying my body and my health, taken in Dec. of 2007. I couldn't believe how puffy and bloated my face looked:
Here's a picture taken on March 30, 2008, a little over 2 months into my journey to lose weight:
This one was taken in July:
And September, after losing 40 pounds:
And today:
Since I've been feeling discouraged by my waistline's refusal to shrink, comparing all of these pictures really helped me to see that in fact I've come a long way. I am NOT the same person I was in that first picture! I will no longer bemoan what hasn't happened yet but will celebrate what I've already achieved. I'm prone to negativity and so it's easy for me to focus on what I still am waiting to see changed, but I don't want to be that person. No one loves a negative, critical person, and so I am going to make a concerted effort to stop complaining and whining and finding every flaw. My life is so full of blessings that I have no business complaining! God has been good to me!
Here's a picture taken on March 30, 2008, a little over 2 months into my journey to lose weight:
This one was taken in July:
And September, after losing 40 pounds:
And today:
Since I've been feeling discouraged by my waistline's refusal to shrink, comparing all of these pictures really helped me to see that in fact I've come a long way. I am NOT the same person I was in that first picture! I will no longer bemoan what hasn't happened yet but will celebrate what I've already achieved. I'm prone to negativity and so it's easy for me to focus on what I still am waiting to see changed, but I don't want to be that person. No one loves a negative, critical person, and so I am going to make a concerted effort to stop complaining and whining and finding every flaw. My life is so full of blessings that I have no business complaining! God has been good to me!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Weekly Workouts: Feb. 1-Feb. 7
Here's this week's plan!
Sunday: Cardio Dance Blast—35 min.
Status: DONE
Calories burned: 321
Monday: 2 SP videos (15-minute Stability Ball and 15-minute Abs workouts) and 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk (miles 1-3)—66 min.
Status: DONE
Calories burned: 634
Tuesday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
Wednesday: Gaiam Balance Ball-Lower Body and Abs, Biggest Loser High Intensity Cardio, SP Butt Blasting Video—66 min
Thursday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
Friday: Fat Burning Pilates—42 min.
Saturday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
I'm determined to get in strength training regularly, as I've been rather inconsistent recently and know how important it is. I don't want to be a flabby-armed thinner person!
Sunday: Cardio Dance Blast—35 min.
Status: DONE
Calories burned: 321
Monday: 2 SP videos (15-minute Stability Ball and 15-minute Abs workouts) and 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk (miles 1-3)—66 min.
Status: DONE
Calories burned: 634
Tuesday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
Wednesday: Gaiam Balance Ball-Lower Body and Abs, Biggest Loser High Intensity Cardio, SP Butt Blasting Video—66 min
Thursday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
Friday: Fat Burning Pilates—42 min.
Saturday: Cardio and strength training at gym—60 min.
I'm determined to get in strength training regularly, as I've been rather inconsistent recently and know how important it is. I don't want to be a flabby-armed thinner person!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
January Progress, February Goals
Jan. starting weight: 212
Jan. ending weight: 204.6
Total lost: 7.4
The positives:
January is one of my best weight loss months so far! (I think only September was better.) After not losing much in November or December, I really got motivated and it paid off on the scale! I also think not weighing myself at much helped me gain a better perspective and not be so obsessed. Furthermore, I focused more on eating nutrient-rich foods instead of just considering all calories equal (news flash: a calorie is not just a calorie!). This is not to say that I don't still eat junk sometimes because I do, but I feel like overall I'm making healthier eating choices, and that feels good. Measuring my food has also been incredibly helpful. I've found that some things I was overestimating and others I was underestimating, so now I know for sure what I'm eating and how much!
The not-so-positives:
I only lost about 3 inches total from my body. That discourages me. I was hoping that with all of the cardio and strength training, along with the Bootcamp videos, that I would lose much more. I only lost half an inch from my waist, which is an area I DESPERATELY want to lose inches from because that's what determines what size I am. I've been the same size since October, and that's really frustrating to me. I'm in an annoying in-between state, where some misses clothing fits but not all of it does, but most plus sizes clothes (tops, especially) are too big. I'm ready to be decisively out of the plus size range! I don't know what to do differently to get these inches off, though. If anyone has an suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them! I'm kind of at my wits' end about it, and I don't like how my lack of lost inches detracts from all the success I have had.
All of that being said, here are my goals for February:
1. Exercise for at least 1200 minutes this month.
2. Burn a minimum of 2800 calories a week.
3. Drink 80 oz. of water daily.
4. Consume at least 60g of protein daily.
5. Get weight below 200!
6. Ab work 3 times a week.
7. Continue measuring portions.
Items 1-3 and 7 were ones I worked on in January, and I want to continue to strive for them while adding new things. The protein is a big one, as I have struggled to get enough protein, but now that I'm actively focusing on it, I'm having a lot of success with it! I joined a team that asks you to challenge yourself to work on something health-related for 100 days, and the protein is what I chose.
So there it is. Here's to a happy, healthy February!
Jan. ending weight: 204.6
Total lost: 7.4
The positives:
January is one of my best weight loss months so far! (I think only September was better.) After not losing much in November or December, I really got motivated and it paid off on the scale! I also think not weighing myself at much helped me gain a better perspective and not be so obsessed. Furthermore, I focused more on eating nutrient-rich foods instead of just considering all calories equal (news flash: a calorie is not just a calorie!). This is not to say that I don't still eat junk sometimes because I do, but I feel like overall I'm making healthier eating choices, and that feels good. Measuring my food has also been incredibly helpful. I've found that some things I was overestimating and others I was underestimating, so now I know for sure what I'm eating and how much!
The not-so-positives:
I only lost about 3 inches total from my body. That discourages me. I was hoping that with all of the cardio and strength training, along with the Bootcamp videos, that I would lose much more. I only lost half an inch from my waist, which is an area I DESPERATELY want to lose inches from because that's what determines what size I am. I've been the same size since October, and that's really frustrating to me. I'm in an annoying in-between state, where some misses clothing fits but not all of it does, but most plus sizes clothes (tops, especially) are too big. I'm ready to be decisively out of the plus size range! I don't know what to do differently to get these inches off, though. If anyone has an suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them! I'm kind of at my wits' end about it, and I don't like how my lack of lost inches detracts from all the success I have had.
All of that being said, here are my goals for February:
1. Exercise for at least 1200 minutes this month.
2. Burn a minimum of 2800 calories a week.
3. Drink 80 oz. of water daily.
4. Consume at least 60g of protein daily.
5. Get weight below 200!
6. Ab work 3 times a week.
7. Continue measuring portions.
Items 1-3 and 7 were ones I worked on in January, and I want to continue to strive for them while adding new things. The protein is a big one, as I have struggled to get enough protein, but now that I'm actively focusing on it, I'm having a lot of success with it! I joined a team that asks you to challenge yourself to work on something health-related for 100 days, and the protein is what I chose.
So there it is. Here's to a happy, healthy February!
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