Good Riddance!

What better way to welcome in the new year than to say goodbye to a bunch of fat clothes?? Today I went through all of my clothes and purged what is too big to wear, and I ended up with quite a pile. I also realized I won't have much in the way of warm-weather clothing when spring rolls around, so it looks like I'll have to get some new clothes. Bummer! :p

I have been intending to get rid of clothes for a while, but I was afraid that if I got rid of them, I would need them. What if I gained a bunch of weight back? What would I wear? I finally decided that having these clothes amounts to an emotional security blanket that I do NOT need, and I am not going to even allow myself the POSSIBILITY of gaining all that weight back, so good riddance, fat clothes! I will never see you again!

I am so excited to see what 2009 has in store for me!

Battle of the Heart, Soul, and Mind

(DISCLAIMER: This is the first time I am posting my actual weight on my blog (outside of SparkPeople--for some reason I had no problem posting my weight there). I decided to do this because I will no longer let a number on a scale define me or cause me to be ashamed. I have nothing to be ashamed of, for I am actively making changes that will lead to a healthier me. I am more than just a number, I am a daughter of the Most High God, and He bought me with His blood! In the truth there is freedom, and I am embracing it.)

When I left to go to my parents' house for Christmas last Tuesday, I weighed in at 211.2. Today, I weighed in at 212. I've been floating between that and 210 for all of December, so I wasn't terribly surprised to see that weight, but I wasn't jumping up and down in excitement, either! BUT even though I gained .8 pounds over the Christmas holiday, I burned over 3900 calories last week! I've only done that one other time (back in the summer), and I was really proud of myself for staying committed to exercising despite being away from home and having limited options.

Of course, all that exercising was pretty much undone by all the eating. I have battled food issues for most of my life, but they seem to have intensified in the past two months or so, and I'm just now starting to realize this and try to find solutions to it. I don't want to use the term "emotional eater"; instead, I think "mindless eater" is more fitting for me. I haven't been thinking enough about the food I'm eating or why I'm eating it; if it's there, I just eat it! We all know that's a foolproof way to blow any weight loss progress, so it's no wonder I haven't made much progress in November or December! If I don't think about everything that goes into my mouth, I'm going to make bad choices. Period.

This past week it also didn't help that I couldn't track much of anything because the majority of food was homemade or restaurant fare without proper nutritional information. Otherwise, I'm very consistent about tracking food and most days I try to plan ahead for the next day so there are no surprises. This has worked well for me in the past because seeing that food already logged in there makes it more permanent, but recently I've just eaten and eaten and then later realized I've consumed 2,500+ calories in a day. That is NOT a way to live, and I know it because it was the way I've lived for years. I'm tired of not taking my health and my body seriously; I owe it to the Lord, to my husband, and to myself to take care of the body I've been given, and I can't keep feeding it junk and expect good results.

I think I got overly confident when I got to that 50 pound milestone and thought I could slack off a bit on intentional eating, but I have definitely proven myself wrong in that, and I've realized how proud and self-reliant I've been behaving. I've lost sight of my need for God to guide me and direct me on this journey, and I've gotten lazy. All that's going to change, though! If I'm going to make it to my goal, I HAVE to refocus and prioritize.

Right now my plan of attack to combat my out-of-control eating is as follows:

1. First and foremost I must keep my eyes on JESUS, the author and perfecter of my faith! If I stop viewing this as a spiritual journey as well as a physical and mental one, I am failing. The glory of God comes before everything else, and so I MUST do this in a way that brings honor to Him. That means no relying on my own strength or becoming cocky, no obsessing over a number on a scale or on a pair of jeans, no comparing myself to others but only to Him.

2. Weigh and portion out EVERYTHING I eat! I did this some at the very beginning of my weight loss journey, but then I just got lazy and trusted myself to eyeball measurements. I'm sure I'm consuming additional calories because of this, and that's completely unnecessary. I want to be purposeful and intentional about what I eat, so that means measure, measure, measure! My sweet husband allowed me to use some of HIS Christmas money to order a digital food scale, and I'm really excited for it come in the next week or so!

3. THINK before I eat! I want to pay attention to my body and know a true hunger signal versus a plain old craving. I want to be able to answer the following questions before eating something: Will eating this benefit me nutritionally? Will I feel guilty if I eat this? Is there a better food I could eat? Do I need this food right now? I'm going to put these questions on the refrigerator so I can have a visual reminder of them.

4. Learn to eat to live, not live to eat. I love food. Obviously, I didn't get to 261 pounds by hating it (can I just say it was REALLY hard to type that number!). But I need to stop relying on food to satisfy some deep emotional or psychological need that it is not to meant to satisfy. I want to change my way of thinking about food, so that my attitude becomes, "My body needs this as fuel" instead of "I don't care what my body needs, I want to eat what I want, when I want."

If I can achieve each of these four things, there is no reason I shouldn't succeed. By the grace of God, I am who I am.

Music Monday: The Christmas Edition

I wanted to share a few of my favorite Christmas songs with you, some new, some old, some traditional, some not so much.

The first one is a funny, whimsical song called "Toy Packaging," and it's sung by Sara Groves, one of my favorite Christian artists. It has no deep meaning, but the message is definitely one many will relate to. :) (I think it plays automatically, but I'm not smart enough to figure out to make it not do that, so my apologies.)

Watch Video:

Toy Packaging (Sara Groves)

Video Code provided by MusicRemedy.Com

The next song is one of my favorite traditional Christmas songs, "O Come O Come, Emmanuel." I love the haunting nature of the melody and the beauty of the verses. The version I've chosen is sung by Steven Curtis Chapman because his arrangement of this song is one of my favorites.



The last is one I've fallen in love with over the past week or so, and I've driven Stephen crazy by singing to him the only part I know. The song is called "A Baby Changes Everything," and it's on Faith Hill's newest Christmas album, Joy to the World. I don't own anything else by Faith Hill, but I own this song and the whole album. I really love it.



Merry Christmas! Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

It's not Christmas unless You ElfYourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

If This Doesn't Make You Tear Up, You Have a Heart of Stone

A Little of This, a Little of That

1. I am in the home stretch with school; this is finals week, but I had my students turn in a paper as their final, so I'm just camped out at home pretending to grade but actually watching season 4 of The Office. They'll get done, though. Eventually.

2. I have several books I want to read, but here are three I am definitely tackling as soon as grading is behind me: The Reason for God by Timothy Keller, Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore, and The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley.

3. I burned 3000 calories working out last week. This week my goal is 3,500, which is what it takes to lose one pound.

4. I am proud of the way I've been pushing myself with exercise, but I still need to work on my eating. Some days are really good, and other days frustration or laziness gets the best of me, and I don't make good choices. I think I will battle food issues the rest of my life, but I will NOT go back to where I was at the beginning of this year.

5. If Vicky wins this season of The Biggest Loser, I will be furious. She is the biggest game player and has acted horrendously for most of the season. I'm rooting for Michelle, who is pretty much the only likeable person left.

6. When the new year begins, I will be thinner than I've been since I graduated college. For once I won't regret where I am but will look forward to where I am going. God has done an amazing work in my life this year!

7. Favorite album of 2008: Albertine by Brooke Fraser. Go and look her up; you won't regret it. Runner up: Ending is Beginning by downhere.

50 Pounds Gone FOREVER

I finally reached the 50 pounds lost goal! Surpassed it, even (by 1.2 pounds). I've now lost a total of 51.2 pounds since beginning on Jan. 21, and I am so thrilled! Even though I was slightly derailed by Thanksgiving weight gain, I have come back from that and am moving in the right direction. I can't wait to see what 2009 has in store for me; I know it's going to be an amazing year!

Planned Parenthood=Lies

First, I read this blog by Albert Mohler discussing Indiana's Planned Parenthood offering gift certificates that could be used for abortions, and that disgusted me. (Full story here.)

Then, I saw a link to this video on Heather's blog. It's disturbing and sickening and needs to be shared.

The Picture that Started It All

Prior to the beginning of my weight loss journey, there was one picture that shocked me into action. The picture was taken during Christmas break in 2007, and when I saw it in January of 2008, I was disgusted. I couldn't believe I had let myself get to that point, and I was depressed when I realized how much I had neglected my health.



Today, I put on the same outfit to compare then to now. Notice how in the first picture, I couldn't even button the sweater fully. Look at it now! I realize I still look very large, but there's definitely a difference.



Here's a side view to illustrate how big the pants are now. (I made a concerted effort not to suck in my stomach.)



Sometimes I feel like I haven't lost that much weight, and I wonder if anyone can even tell I've lost weight, but then I look at pictures like this, and I know I've done it. And I will keep going, no matter how long it takes. People have asked me what I'm doing to lose weight, and it's not a big secret: I'm eating less and exercising more. Simple as that. No pills, no fad diets, no easy fixes, just healthy living and hard work. I am not going to be discouraged about it taking me longer than I'd like, and I'm not going to compare my progress or my fitness plan to anyone else's. I'm going to listen to my body, seek the Lord, work my hardest, and leave the rest up to Him. How can I NOT succeed if I do that?

If you're thinking about losing weight or wishing you could, start TODAY. It is never too late. You can change your life, one day at a time. Determine that the first day you'll exercise for 15 minutes, and then do more each day after that. Record what you eat and note which foods you eat too much of (sweets with no nutritional value) and what you don't get enough of (fruits and veggies), and make gradual changes to your eating. Allow yourself no excuses. Be consistent. Make a plan and stick to it. If I can do it, anyone can. ANYONE. Thus concludes my weight loss inspirational moment of the day. ;)

New Month, New Start

I had this whole whiny blog typed up about how I gained weight (1.4 pounds) during Thanksgiving break, and it was quite depressing and pathetic, so I deleted it. I'm not going to say that I'm not completely disappointed about the weight gain, but since it's absolutely my fault for eating much more than I needed to, what can I do? I can wallow in self-pity (which I did for a while), or I can make a plan of attack for this month and resolve to learn from my Thanksgiving mistakes. I don't need dessert with every meal. I don't need seconds of my favorite foods. I don't need snacks every two hours. These are things I learned, and I will NOT repeat my Thanksgiving mistakes at Christmas! I read somewhere recently that the average person gains 8 pounds over the holidays, and that is completely unacceptable to me. I will not be average!

Here are my goals:
--I will not gain any more weight this year.
--I will reach the 50 pounds lost goal. (2 pounds to go!)
--I will get to a total of 20% of my original weight lost (4 pounds to go!)
--I will say "no" to foods I will later regret eating.
--I will exercise even when I don't want to (I did well with that over the break).
--I will not eat after dinner.
--I will not feel sorry for myself.
--I will not compare my weight loss with anyone else's.
--I will celebrate small victories every day.
--I will walk a faster mile on the treadmill (need to beat 15:02) and on the elliptical (need to beat 9:35).

I am going to end this year with a bang, not a whimper. If I fall down seven times, I'll get up eight!