EDIT: Okay, is anyone at least close to being as cynical as I apparently am?? I'm feeling kind of lousy about my high percentage when Beth has 12% and Susan has 28%! Not that I measure any of my true value by a blogthing, of course. :)

 

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How Cynical Are You?

 

Sometimes I really hate technology.  Grrr.  But I guess I can't hate it completely, since it was technology that allowed me and Stephen to reconnect. :happy: 

Community

On Wednesday on my way back to Knoxville, I stopped in Jackson to have lunch with one of my dear friends and someone who has been a great spiritual mentor for me. She and her husband (both Union alums) pretty much single handedly ran the college ministry at the church I attended while in Jackson, and Sabrena and I got to know each other really well. She took me under her wing, met with me, encouraged me, counseled me, and was a friend to me. I treasured our relationship then, and even though it's changed a lot, mostly out of necessity (since I live on the other side of the state), she still is a great source of wisdom for me.

All of that background info aside, Sabrena shared something with me that really struck me and which I've been pondering ever since. I was talking to her about my frustrations about finding a church here in Knoxville and how it seemed like I was going to have to choose between good, solid preaching or good fellowship with people in my same stage in life, since I hadn't been able to find both in one church. She then told me to think about what mattered most to me at this point in my life. Did I need solid teaching more or community? When I asked what she meant, she told me about a small community she's found within her church. It's just her and her husband and two other couples, and they meet once a week for a few hours to pray, share each other's lives, and keep one another accountable. Sabrena tells me it's been the most rewarding, encouraging, and challenging thing she's been apart of, and she feels as though she's finally understanding what the church is for and what community can do. Those two hours every week mean more to her than any sermon because of the investment/blessing she puts into it and receives from it. And that's what I want. I want a small group of people (not 20 or 30, like some of the community groups I've been to) that I can meet with on a weekly basis and trust and confide in and pray with and love. That's what church is: encouraging one another, loving one another, and spreading that love.

Why do we so often miss out on this? We aren't intentional. I know I'm not, anyway. I'm around Christians fairly often, especially when I'm in Memphis, but we do more goofing off and talking about the last movie we saw than talking about things that really matter. We also are lazy. Who wants to spend time praying and discussing God's Word when Lost is on or that latest bestseller is calling our names? I tell myself there's so much to do in one day that taking time out to spend it in true fellowship would disrupt the whole schedule. But I think that's precisely the point. My life certainly could stand to be disrupted a bit. There's nothing less threatening to Satan than a comfortable Christian.

Ecstasy

EDIT:  X-Men 3 is awesome!!  I highly recommend it.  I love Hugh Jackman.  If you go, make sure you stay through the end of the credits because there's a very intriguing clip at the end. 

This is too funny not to post:

Your Personality Is Like Ecstasy

You're usually feeling the love for the world around you - you want to hug everyone. And while you're usually content to sit back and view the world with wonder... Sometimes you're world becomes very overwhelming and a little scary.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

I love summer: sleeping in, reading whatever I want, being unproductive and not feeling bad about it, enjoying every day so much it's hard to keep track of when the real week ends and the weekend begins. 

Cool, check out how I'm going to die:

 

Erin: At age 102, you will fall into a vat of neutral shoe polish, and your body will never be recovered.

Hahaha.

To get your death prediction, visit this site.

Hooray for Student Discounts

Today I made an exciting purchase: Macromedia Studio 8. If you go to the website, you'll notice it retails for $999. I of course would rather buy 999 items at the dollar store than spend that much money on some software, but fortunately for me, UT gets a huge price break on software bundles. Guess how much I paid for this software package. $180.26 (with tax). I can't even tell you how much the aspiring web designer within me is thrilled with this purchase. It has Dreamweaver, Flash, Fireworks, Contribute, Flash Paper, among others. Basically it will enable me to begin my summer project: a personal website. I think it would be a good thing to have, and I really liked working on the website for my grant project (except for when things went wrong), so I figured I would use some of the grant money to continue my web design education. Yippee skippy! I hope to launch my own personal website sometime in August, if all goes according to plans. (My plans right now consist of making a website. I haven't gotten much further than that. Ha.)

Now I'm off to take a little nap because some stupid loud birds woke me up at 5:30 this morning with their chirping (my impression of which amused my roommate immensely), and I couldn't go back to sleep. Stephen promised to buy me a purple bb gun for my birthday, though, so in five months those birds better watch out!

Has anyone else heard of The Fray? My lovely friend Sarah introduced them to me, and I'm quite the fan now. Songs to download: "She Is," "Over My Head (Cable Car)," and "How to Save a Life," which, incidentally, are the album's first three songs.

Here's one of the recent quotes from my Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar. I hate that all of my favorites are George Bush quotes, but well, he said them. "We had a chance to visit with Theresa Nelson, who's a parent, and a mom or a dad." Indeed.

I'm Tired of Titles

Well, apparently my four votes for Katharine weren't enough to beat Taylor. Oh well. They will probably both fade into oblivion within two years or so because honestly, the only Idol who seems to have true staying power is Kelly Clarkson.

I'm back in K-town. The drive was nice, mostly because I was excited to be by myself. I enjoyed my time at home immensely, and I'm so glad I got to see all the people I did, but this introvert needs time to recharge, and it's hard doing that when I'm hardly ever alone. Last night my dad came to hug me goodbye, and at the time I wondered why my mom wasn't doing the same, but I was on the phone at the time and didn't give it much thought. Then today my mom calls and asks me why I didn't come and remind her that I was leaving. I guess I thought dad's coming into my room to tell me bye would remind her and that he would at least mention that he said goodbye, but I guess not.

Not too soon after I got back, I went to see Thank You for Smoking with some gals. It is a rather obscure but nevertheless hilarious satire of lobbyists, particularly lobbyists for tobacco companies. The satire was incredibly blatant, but then the same can be said of American Dreamz, and I think it works on both counts.

I seem to have lost my mom's Mother's Day present. When I got to Memphis and couldn't find it in my things, I thought I had left it here, but now I'm here and I can't find it, so if anyone comes across a picture of me in a frame, send it to my mom. Thanks so much.

Off to finish unpacking all my junk. No matter how many times I have gone home, I still manage to bring way too much stuff.

Green Monster

I've decided I should have bought a green car. That way all of the pollen would just blend into my car's natural color instead of covering it with an annoying layer of what I call the "Green Monster." I don't care how many times I wash my car, within an hour the Green Monster is back. It's driving me crazy. I'm certainly not a neat freak when it comes to my car, but I hate it when the Green Monster continuously besmirches my beautiful Chestnut Cruiser (yes, that is my car's name) despite my repeated attempts to drown it. Is there no justice in the world? How can we take a stand against the Green Monster's evil schemes?

The final Idol showdown is tonight. I still can't decide who I want to win. Chris, come back!

Yeah, Taylor is going to win it. I still think I like Katharine better (yes, JB, despite what you say is "scandalous" dress). I think she is a better singer, and I think she has a broader appeal than Taylor will in the long run. But they'll both get contracts, so I guess it doesn't matter too much. I voted for Katharine, though.

Forget About It

I'm watching Lizzie McGuire on the Disney Channel (and no, I'm not ashamed to admit that I love it), and Lizzie's trying to be in a bunch of different clubs so she can have good yearbook pictures. I remember those days. I was always afraid of how I would look in my yearbook pictures, and I always spent a lot of time figuring out what outfit I would wear, how I would fix my hair, and just how big my smile would be. And for what? For some picture that's sitting in a yearbook that's sitting in my closet collecting dust. I wanted so much to capture the best part of me in that picture, so everyone could look at my picture and say, "Oh, there's Erin. She was so (fill in adjective of choice here)."

I'd like to say that I'm past that sort of vanity, but if I'm honest with myself, I'm not. I still care way too much about how I look and what people think about me. I still worry about people's impressions of me and whether or not I am measuring up to someone's expectations of me, and if I'm not, what I can do to change it. I still get worked up about my grades because I need something to feel good about, and even having a boyfriend doesn't make me believe that in the end I'm okay just the way I am, no matter how many times he's told me it's true. And you know what? All of this is really exhausting. It's emotionally draining, and it can make for a person who is not all that fun to be around. No one wants to be around someone who is so worried about what other people will think that she can't just relax and have fun and be herself. I don't want to be around that girl, and I don't want to be that girl. In the end, the change has to start with me. My friends and my boyfriend can tell me all day long that I'm wonderful, but until I realize it myself, it doesn't matter. But more importantly, I can tell myself all day long that I'm wonderful, but until I realize that whether or not I believe I'm wonderful is secondary to what I believe about God, it doesn't matter. C. S. Lewis said the measure of a humble person is the ability to forget about oneself altogether, and really, when we learn the secret of gazing into the face of God in worship, we won't be able to see ourselves at all. What's a better way for me to spend my time: thinking about myself or thinking about God? That one's sort of a no-brainer, don't you think?

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." ~Emily Bronte

That about sums it up.

Shades of Blue

It is HOT today! Just a few days ago I slept with the window open in my bedroom, but no more of that. The heat has arrived with a vengeance. Yuck. I hate summer weather. I like the no school part and the sleep in late, eat ice cream, go to the drive-in, watch the sunset late parts, but not the blazing hot and sunny part. Oh well. At least it's pretty: the sky is a brilliant shade of blue, the clouds are fluffy and playful, and the smell of freshly-cut grass is all around. I love that smell.

Stephen and I are reading Boy Meets Girl, and I highly recommend it. It's about "dating with a purpose," and it's really practical and has solid Biblical wisdom. I read it before, but it's been a few years, and the way I read things, I've forgotten most of what it said, so it's good to have a refresher course.

Not much else going on. This is the first day I've had nothing planned out, and it feels great! My mom and I went to see Poseidon, which was very nerve-racking and entertaining, and I only got teary-eyed once, which is amazing. It's a fun movie. Not much of a point to it, but sometimes that's nice.

Have a lovely Saturday! Congrats to all my Union friends graduating!

If I Could Fast Forward

Stephen and I had the most perfect day. The only unperfect thing about it was saying goodbye. I won't see him again until June. Anyone inventing a time machine I could borrow?

The Crazy Days of Summer

EDIT: Ahhh, I'm so distraught. Everwood is not coming back next season, but 7th Heaven might, and One Tree Hill definitely is. Are these people out of their ever-lovin' minds???

I'm in very high demand all of a sudden. It's kind of wearing me out. It's been wonderful to see friends I haven't seen in a while and to catch up on their lives, but I haven't even seen my parents since I've been home, except for on Sunday. I think it kind of hurts their feelings, but I'm in a weird situation because I'm only going to be at home through next Wednesday, and I have a lot of people to see before then. Last night when I was at home for 30 minutes in between "appointments" with friends, I told my mom I had nothing planned on Saturday, and she was like, "Oh gee, one whole day, huh?" I'm not trying to ignore them or anything, and I don't want them to feel like I don't want to see them. Usually when I come home, I don't do anything, and I hang out with them the whole time, and so maybe that's why they're kind of baffled by this sudden spurt of activity. And I guess in some way I take them for granted, that they'll always be there, but I'm not guaranteed that, and I should keep that in mind.

Enough of that depressing stuff: I get to see Stephen tomorrow! I'm cooking him lunch and then we're going to the zoo and then he's having dinner with my parents. (Da da DUN. Haha.) It should be really fun because my parents are the least intimidating people ever. (And having dinner with them will make me feel less like I'm neglecting them.)

Today I'm with my friend Lindsay, and we're going to go see Just My Luck, which is sure to be completely lame, but hey, that's what makes it fun, right? We'll also make a trip to see our friends Old Navy and Bed Bath & Beyond, where I will just drool on everything since I can't really buy anything right now. (Oh, and Julie, don't feel bad for talking about how "late" 11 pm is because last night Lindsay and I watched Forces of Nature, and I'm pretty sure I only made it through the first 30 minutes. We started it around 11.)

Rats, I just remembered that I'm going to Union's graduation on Saturday. Oops. I need two of me, just for a week. Maybe that can be arranged...

The Picnic That Wasn't

I didn't have my picnic today. But don't worry, I still had my date. (Did I psyche you out? Even if I didn't, humor me.) When I got to Jackson at 11 this morning, it was really chilly and rather overcast, so we opted for an indoor picnic in case it decided to rain. Our choosing to remain inside of course meant that it didn't rain, but it was probably better because I would have been cold the whole time, and it's no fun to have chattering teeth while on a date. (I'm going to see how many times I can use the word "date" in this post.) Anyway, Stephen prepared some barbeque for us to eat, along with Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips (my favorite), Cherry Coke (my favorite), and turtle cheesecake (my favorite). Is he thoughtful or what? After that, we played a few rounds of Scattergories, and I pulverized him. (I've never lost a game of Scattergories, so Stephen gets bonus points just for being brave enough to play with me.) Then we went to see Mission: Impossible III, which was fun. It's certainly not going to win any awards, but it was entertaining. I wish Keri Russell had been in more of it; I really like her. We then returned to Stephen's apartment, where we watched Seinfeld and just hung out until he had to go to work at 7. (He's working crappy hours at the library this week because it's finals week and the library has extended hours.) We were together for 8 hours, but it went by much too quickly, and we're already counting down the hours until Thursday. (60 something, I do believe.) It was the best date ever with the best date ever. I'm incredibly happy, incredibly giddy, and incredibly blessed.

This is going to be a great summer.

Teach Us to Count the Day, Teach Us to Make the Days Count

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 60% Conservative, 40% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Hmm, this was one of the more thought-provoking blogthings, and so I thought I'd post it since I post all the shallow ones. :)  I'm more of a moderate than I thought.

In other, far more exciting news (at least for me), I got to see Stephen today.  I stopped in Jackson on my way home to Memphis, and we hung out for a few hours before I headed home.  It was lovely, and I am even more excited about our picnic date on Monday.  Being with him in person made me realize even more so what a gift each day is (and what a gift HE is!), and how much we have to take advantage of each opportunity we're together, since we live 5 hours apart.  It's been a while since I've been in a relationship, and I forgot what fun it is, especially when the guy is as amazing as Stephen.  :happy:  I'm so thankful for God's timing in this, though, since it's the summer and it will be easier to coordinate visits, and I won't have to think about school at all.  (Except for that tiny matter of reading every book every written in English to prepare for the MA exam.)  Anyway, enough of the mushy stuff.  Here's a picture we took today, in case anyone cares:

P.S.  My title is from a Chris Rice song entitled, "Life Means So Much."  It does, indeed.

One-Way Streets Are Evil

EDIT:  I made straight As!  Yay me!  Life has been so good lately, the pessimist in me can't help but wonder when the bad is going to hit.  But the hopeful part of me likes to think that whatever bad may come, life will still be good.

I was going to ask if you all have missed me, but since Xanga was down a good portion of yesterday, you probably didn't know I had gone anywhere.  But I did in fact go to Atlanta yesterday to see Jason Mraz in concert with Diana (yes, we did just see him in December).  On the way there we passed a billboard advertising the latest lottery total (100 million) and decided that if we won the lottery, we would follow Jason Mraz to all of his concerts because he is simply amazing.  So talented, and so entertaining, and so cute.  When he dances around, it's just adorable.

Here are a few pictures from our trip.  We were seated on the lower balcony, but The Tabernacle is designed so well that we were still really close to the stage.

 

He sang some of my favorites ("Life is Wonderful," "Unfold," "Please Don't Tell Her," "You and I Both," "The Boy is Gone"), but he didn't sing "Absolutely Zero" or "Plane," both of which I love.  Oh well, can't have it all, I suppose.  I was really glad he sang "Life is Wonderful" because he didn't last time, and I was bummed.  This time he even had t-shirts for that song, and Diana and I both bought one.  We wore them on the way home and stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch, where I relaxed in one of the fabulous rocking chairs (I think I was laughing when Diana took this):

All in all, a very fun trip, despite the fact that last night after the concert we got lost and spent an hour trying to find our way back to our hotel.  I had gotten directions to the venue from the hotel, but I hadn't thought about the one-way streets, so we couldn't just reverse them to get back.  Oops.  We even asked three different people for directions, and they told us three different times how to get where we needed to go, and all three times their directions put us in rather sketchy parts of midtown.  Fun times.  So let that be a lesson to all you: one-way streets are evil!  I don't understand why practically every large city in America has them.  Are they really that more efficient?  I'm not so sure.  But what do I know?  I'm just an English major. :happy: 

I'm off to pack to go home tomorrow (I get to see Stephen! Yay!) and later tonight I'm going to a party with other English majors to celebrate the end of the semester.  I still can't believe I'm through with my first year of grad school.  I deserve a pat on the back.  Any takers?

Effects of an All-Nighter

EDIT: Chris is gone?! CHRIS? Are you kidding me?! I have no more words.

I slept a total of 13 hours last night. That's insane, but boy did it feel good. I think I could take a nap. Yesterday in my sleep-deprived state I forgot to remove my jump drive from the computer I was working on, and I didn't even realize it until I got a phone call an hour ago telling me it had been found. Thank goodness someone else is on top of things!

Thanks to all of you who expressed your happiness for me! I truly appreciate it.

Best Surprise EVER

Today when I was in the computer lab at school trying to finish the nightmare of all papers, my phone rang.  It was a number I didn't recognize, but it was local, so I answered it.  It was a man who said he had a delivery for me and wanted to know if I was home.  I said, "Uh, not really."  So then he said, "Okay, I'll leave it for you in the leasing office."  I said okay, and then I sat there racking my brain, trying to think if I'd ordered anything online that I'd forgotten about and that would be big enough to require delivery, but I couldn't think of anything.  All during the meeting I had I kept trying to think what in the world it could be, and pretty sure I raced home to see what it was.  So I go into the leasing office, ask if there is a delivery for me, and the woman points to the table.  What was there?  Well, here's what was there:

Yes, that's right, I got flowers.  From Stephen!  As a "happy end of the semester" gift.  How sweet is he?!  I can't wait until next Monday when I get to see him!  I'm probably driving all of my friends crazy because I'm in this permanent state of giddiness, but I can't help it.  What's so great about these flowers is 1) gerber daisies are my FAVORITE and 2) I just bought daisies last night when I was at Kroger because I really wanted some flowers, but I picked like the most pathetic bunch in the store and they are rather droopy looking.  But now I have these marvelous, happy, vibrant ones!  What a great way to end the semester! 

I solemnly swear not to make every post this gushy and girly.  I'm through for now. :pleased:

EDIT:  Okay, the link to Stephen's page is now the correct one.  He is not in fact 17.  Hahahaha.  (Julie, did you really think I'd go for someone who's not even legal? ;)

It Is Finished!!!

I am DONE for the semester! I have never been so excited. (Well, except for maybe the end of last semestesr. Haha.) It feels soooo wonderful to have the whole summer ahead of me to spend doing whatever I want. I know Stephen will be especially happy as well now that he won't have to hear me whine and complain about my papers.

Off to a meeting, and then I think my adrenaline will drain and I will take a nice long nap before the finale of Gilmore Girls. It's probably going to make me cry.

Let It Be Over!

I'm on page 17 of my 20-pager, and I've run out of things to say. I don't care about Chaucer's narrator and his treatment of women in Troilus and Criseyde anymore. Chaucer was too smart for my own good. The topic is too big for this paper, anyway. I'm seriously considering turning in a paper that's shorter than the required length. I've never done that before, and I would hate for my first time to be in grad school, but I'm desperate, and it's 3:30 am. I think this semester will most certainly go down in history as the one where I just can't write. Blahhh. (Not sure what that means, but it seemed appropriate.)

Pulled Over

So I was leaving school around 7pm, just driving along, windows down, U2 blaring ("Sunday Bloody Sunday"-love that song!), not a care in the world (except for the pressing matter of the 20-page paper I have due tomorrow, of which I have roughly 12 pages). All of a sudden, I glance in my rearview mirror and see flashing blue lights. I immediately think, "I know those can't be for me," but after I realizing that no one else was anywhere near me, I gulped and pulled to the side of the road. My heart was pounding, my mind was racing. I had no idea how fast I'd been going. The officer approaches my window, introduces himself (that was a first), and then asks, "Do you know what the speed limit here is?" I said, "40?" not really having the slightest clue. He said, "It's 35, and I clocked you at 50." Oops. I didn't know what to say, so do you know what I said? "Oh, boy." Yes, that's right, "Oh, boy." The police officer asked for my license, it took me what seemed like ages to find it, he glanced at it, and then handed it back. Then he said, "Everything looks good. Try to slow it down, okay?" And that was it! What was the point of pulling me over if he was just going to tell me to "slow it down"? I don't really know, but I'm very relieved that I didn't get slammed with a ticket for going fifteen over the speed limit! It's not that I wouldn't have deserved the ticket, but in this case I honestly wasn't paying attention. I learned my lesson, though!

I'm watching the "last ever" episode of 7th Heaven. I have no idea what's going on. Apparently Simon's getting married, but he's not sure about it? I quit watching it many seasons ago when it started becoming really lame, but I felt like I had to watch the series finale. Anyway, the Rev. just told this guy who apparently is in love with the girl Simon's supposed to marry that the person you marry should bring out the best in you. If the person you're with doesn't bring out the best in you, perhaps he/she is not the right person for you. I think that's really wise. It makes a lot of sense; if you love someone, truly love them, then you'll want to be the absolute best version of yourself, and the other person will do likewise. In this way, you'll both encourage each other to be better together (like the Jack Johnson song!). Of course, I'm not married (thank you, Captain Obvious), so take this all with a grain of salt. Something to think about, though. And in case anyone was wondering, this is the stupidest finale ever in the history of finales. Good riddance, 7th Heaven!

On Slumber and Punctuation

EDIT: There is delicious liberty in simply being yourself.

* * * * * * *
This morning I woke up before my alarm went off. At 6:42, to be exact. I can't recall the last time I woke up before my alarm. Or actually, I can't recall the last time I woke up before my alarm and then was unable to fall back asleep. I have an extraordinary talent of waking up suddenly, only to roll over and drift off into blissful oblivion once more. I can do this several times before finally deciding that my slumber should be concluded (until my afternoon nap, that is). I wonder how many years of my life have been devoted to sleep, were I to add up all the hours. I would probably be dismayed and a little ashamed at the number, I imagine. I'm going to keep ending my sentences with clauses set off by the obligatory comma, I think. The book I'm reading is delightful, for it is all about punctuation. The author is the stickler-est of all grammar sticklers, I do believe. (These types of sentences don't leave room for much variety, do they?) Hmm.

Here's a quote from the book Eats, Shoots and Leaves: "Yes, some of us were born to be punctuation vigilantes." Quite true, I should say. (I'm back to speaking in the British accent. Such fun!)

Pressing On Towards the Goal

I've lost 7 pounds in 5 weeks! That's not too shabby, right? I'm feeling good. I'm about halfway to my goal! Yay!!!

Okay, I'm done celebrating. Off to write some papers. Stephen says I can't talk to him tonight if I don't write 3 pages. Talk about motivation.

Best Movie Ever

Has anyone else seen Cool Hand Luke? It's incredible. So much complexity and depth to it, and Paul Newman does a fabulous job. I absolutely loved it. Definitely better than that stupid movie I watched the other night.

Cinco de Mayo

Why is this such a big deal in the U.S.? It has nothing to do with us; it's about Mexico's defeat of the French in the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Of course, it gives Americans an excuse to go out and get wasted, so I guess that's the appeal. Not that Americans in general really need an excuse to go out and get wasted, but I suppose today you could go out and get wasted while wearing a sombrero, and it would be considered "festive" and not just weird.

P.S. My friend Lindsay just bought 3 seasons of Gilmore Girls the other day, and they were on sale at Target for $22.99, which is amazing, so if you've been thinking about buying any of the seasons, now would be a good time.

Title of the Song

Title of the Song

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the song "The Title of the Song" by Davinci's Notebook but if you aren't, allow me to enlighten you. It is a clever song about song-writing, otherwise known as a meta song (I know there's meta poetry and meta fiction, so perhaps there's meta song as well). Basically, the lyrics are a formula for how to write the standard, typical love song, and here is how it goes:

Declaration of my feelings for you
Elaboration on those feelings
Description of how long these feelings have existed
Belief that no one else could feel the same as I
Reminiscence of the pleasant times we shared
And our relationship's perfection
Recounting of the steps that led to our love's dissolution
Mostly involving my unfaithfulness and lies
Penitent admission of wrongdoing
Discovery of the depth of my affection
Regret over the lateness of my epiphany

(Chorus)
Title of the song
Naïve expression of love
Reluctance to accept that you are gone
Request to turn back time
And rectify my wrongs
Repetition of the title of the song

Enumeration of my various transgressive actions
Of insufficient motivation
Realization that these actions led to your departure
And my resultant lack of sleep and appetite
Renunciation of my past insensitive behavior
Promise of my reformation
Reassurance that you still are foremost in my thoughts now
Need for instructions how to gain your trust again
Request for reconciliation
Listing of the numerous tasks that I'd perform
Of physical and emotional compensation

CHORUS

Acknowledgment that I acted foolishly
Increasingly desperate pleas for your return
Sorrow for my infidelity
Vain hope that my sins are forgivable
Appeal for one more opportunity
Drop to my knees to elicit crowd response
Prayers to my chosen deity
Modulation and I hold a high note...
CHORUS

I'm in Serious "Like"

Okay, so I was going to wait until May 15 to tell all of you who are dying to know the details of my love life, but I'm kind of bursting at the seams, so here we go:

About a month ago, I got a message on MySpace from a guy named Stephen who went to Union with me. We knew each other at Union and had some mutual friends, and I actually had a bit of a crush on him at one point, but he dated one of my best friends, and he graduated two years before me. So anyway, the message just said something like, "Hey, never know who you'll find on here. Just wanted to see how life was treating you." So I wrote him back, he wrote me back, and pretty soon we were exchanging multiple emails a day. Turns out we have tons in common, have the same sense of humor, and just have lots to talk about. He even read my ENTIRE blog from the very beginning. It took him like two weeks, haha. So about a week after we had been talking, my friend who had dated Stephen (she's now married and expecting a baby) emailed me and said, "I have found the man you should marry." Of course I write back with a big, "WHO??" and guess who she says she's picked as my future spouse? Stephen! If not for the fact that she assured me they hadn't even talked since they broke up, I would have thought she knew about him writing me, but when I wrote and told her about it, she was completely shocked and completely excited.

Anyway, he's hilarious, sweet, cute, and just an all-around amazing guy. We've been talking on the phone just about every day, and we're on the same page about pretty much everything. We even both hate vegetables! The most exciting part is: we're going on a date May 15!! (Hence my excitement about that particular day.) We're going to have a picnic lunch, play Scattergories (I'm going to kick his butt!), go to a movie, and then do whatever else we want to do. I am so excited I can hardly stand it.

I think what made me write this now was a message he sent to me last night. He sent it at 2 am, which is when we got off the phone, and he basically made a list of all the things he likes about me. It is the sweetest email I've ever gotten, and I feel like I could fly.

That's all the cheesy mushiness for now. Pray for me that I'll try to stay grounded in some sort of reality. I'm so used to things with guys not working out, and this all just seems perfect, and I can't help but be afraid that something's going to go wrong.

The One Before the Finale

This week on Gilmore:

Lorelai avoids Luke like the plague, he's still clueless, and she's all depressed and convinced they're never getting married (and I'm starting to believe that more and more every episode).

Rory and Logan are nauseatingly cute as she helps him leave the hospital to go home and recover from his many injuries. Too bad he's going to London. Or is he?? (That's just my speculation. I think they might pull a "Oh, he's gone, how sad" but "Oh wait, he didn't get on the plane!" kind of thing. But that seems a little too Friends, I suppose.)

Jackson finds out that there is marijuana growing in the "back half-acre" of his land, planted by some former employees. Best line: "I told them to weed the back half-acre, and they're not the smartest of fellows." So he and Sookie are freaking out because they could be arrested, and it's very hilarious, if not completely random. They end up shoving all of it in garbage bags (after Jackson shoots down Sookie's idea of making "special brownies" with it) and sneaking it around the town square at night, and it's really hilarious because they run into the minister and the rabbi, who are out for a stroll to talk about God, and this convinces them they're going to hell.

The troubador appears from out of the woodwork for the obligatory time-wasting scene. What makes it more absurd is that he's playing in the rain.

Liz returns from the Renaissance fair all giddy because her jewelry is selling like hot cakes, and plus, she's pregnant! She's excited, he's excited, and then she says that TJ left, and Luke freaks out while Liz says she's perfectly calm because of her new "take it as it comes" philosophy. Luke is understandably baffled, and you can see him imagining the ways he's going to pulverize TJ.

Doyle and Paris watch Logan convalesce while Rory is out, and they give an enthusiastic review of "the penguin movie" (which I also recommend), and Logan calls Rory and tells her they must leave. While on the phone, one of the peons at the paper shows Rory an article about Logan's dad, in which he mentions Rory as one of his "success stories," and Rory is all indignant about how it seems like she is just another feather in Mitchum's hat. I think she completely overreacts about this, since it was like ONE SENTENCE, but whatever. She rants to Logan, who tells her (wisely) to get over it, but she can't so she calls the writer of the article and asks for a correction. The writer tells her she can't print a correction to an "impression," and so she finally gives up.

Luke finds TJ at a bar and confronts him for leaving Liz and the baby. He's like, "Uh, dude, she kicked me out." Luke's like, "What?" Turns out Liz got mad at him, told him he wouldn't be a good father, that he would mess the kid up, etc. etc., and then Luke realizes what's going on. He tells TJ that Liz is really worried about what kind of mother she'll be but she's taking it out on TJ. He says sometimes women say one thing, but are thinking something else entirely. It's the man's job to figure out what she really means. Really, Luke? Can you see that big fat plank in your eye? Wake up and smell the dysfunction!

Emily calls Lorelai in a panic because her Lasik eye surgery went "bad" and now she's temporarily blinded and needs supervision. So Lorelai goes over and ends up having to run her around town, which includes a stop at the realtor's office. Lorelai can't comprehend why in the world Emily would need to stop at a realtor's office, even though I'm pretty sure everyone else has guessed by now that she's buying Lorelai a house for her and Luke to live in. Lorelai looks at all of the pictures, and it's a beautiful house, and Emily gives this lovely speech about how she and Luke need a bigger place for when they have children, and she knew she wanted something near Stars Hollow, and this place is only an extra ten minutes drive to the inn and five to Luke's diner. It's so sweet and touching, and then Lorelai starts crying and says the wedding is never going to happen, and then we see Emily feeling her way over to Lorelai and placing her hand on her shoulder as she cries. That's about when I started crying. Those two women are top-notch actresses.

Later that night Lorelai goes over to Sookie and Jackson's because she's avoiding Luke, and she comes in and sits down dejectedly. Then she asks, "What's that smell?" and Sookie replies, "68 pounds of pot." Lorelai says, "Huh," and roll credits.

So sad! Luke and Lorelai are never going to get married. I just may have to quit watching! (Or not.)

P.S. Has anyone seen Bee Season? It's the most confusing movie ever. The whole time we were watching it, Liz and I kept saying, "What?!"

Anatomy of a Study Session

6: people at my apartment to study Renaissance lit.
3: hours devoted to said studying.
1: package of Uh-Oh Oreos.
5: glasses of water consumed.
1: episode of Saved by the Bell viewed (one girl had NEVER seen this show, so we watched the one where Jessie uses the caffeine pills and is "So excited, so, so, SCAAARED." Haha.).
10: "We really need to study now" comments.
45: minutes of actual studying (rough estimate).
Zero: my grade on this final based on the "study" session.

It was fun, though. Really fun.

Muffin Mayhem

This is not going to be a good morning. I was just trying to make some muffins because I'm starving and haven't eaten anything since yesterday around 7. As I was stirring the batter, somehow I managed to fling the mixing bowl out of my hands, and the batter went all over the floor, the counter, and my clothes. I haven't made such a mess in a long, long time. So now not only am I hungry, I have no muffins with which to satisfy my hunger.

And still no finished paper. This is the worst time I've ever had writing a paper. I just don't care. Not one bit. Of course, I'll care when I get my big fat grade of "F," but right now I'm somewhat detached from that possibility.

All of this, and yet I'm still happy. You know why? Reciprocation of feelings is a beautiful, wonderful thing.

EDIT: I finished! 8 pages! I think I spent more time goofing around than doing work because once I actually started to seriously work on it, it came pretty quickly. The last page was hard because I was running out of things to say, but I managed to find something. I don't think it's any good, but at this point I don't really care! One less thing to worry about!

I'm living for May 15.