Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday: Out of Focus

What do you know, it's been 5 weeks since my last weigh-in post. I confess that the reason for this is not that I've stopped weighing but that I haven't liked the numbers I've seen. Still, keeping quiet isn't helping me, so here you go.
 
Weight January 16: 167.6
Weight today:          168.6
GAIN of 1 pound

I'm now up a solid 10 pounds from where I was in December, and I'm not happy about it. However, this dissatisfaction obviously hasn't motivated me to do something about it. As I wrote yesterday, self-discipline has been severely lacking from my life, and my body is paying the price, as is my self-esteem. My size 12 pants are all starting to feel too tight, and most of the time when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel gross. Just writing that sentence makes me feel sad because I am still smaller than I have been since I was 18 years old, and I have managed to maintain a 93-pound weight loss. It's not like I'm a total failure, and yet I have felt that way recently. I feel like I will never lose another pound.

I know a lot of this is all in my head and stems from my tendency towards negativity. I would never say to other people some of the things I say to myself. I know I am often too hard on myself, but then sometimes I think I am letting myself off too easily. Still, it's not as though the negative self-talk I often employ actually helps me reach my goals. More often not, the negativity just leaves me feeling more defeated. A defeated life is no life at all, especially for the Christian. In Christ I have freedom, and yet I often live as though I am still in bondage.

Ultimately, I need to stop thinking about myself so much and start thinking more on Christ. He is the remedy to all that ails me, both physical and spiritual. He is my strength when I am weak. And I am so desperately weak.

Tonight I call to mind the words of a wonderful hymn:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.



May I turn my focus away from myself and to Christ. 

2 comments:

  1. 93 pound weight loss! That's amazing, but I understand your frustration. There's nothing like being at a weight that your former self would have been thrilled about but now feels inadequate to you.

    Have you tried revamping everything regarding weight loss? That's what I had to do. I started around 200, got down to 145, went back up to almost 170, and am now back at 145. In order to get back at 145, I had to make drastic changes to my weight loss routine. My former workouts just didn't give me the calorie burn I needed. I also had to start keeping a food diary. (myfitnesspal) I also participated in a weight loss challenge with friends. I really think the competition inspired me the most! I'm still trying to figure out how to lose the last few pounds!

    Good luck to you!!! You look amazing!!!

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  2. It's so amazing that you lost 93 pounds...you are truly a rock star! I really think that losing the last 10 pounds is so much more difficult than losing "big" weight in the beginning. Because you get to a point where you are making good choices for the most part and you start feeling like you're not sure what else you can cut. Every time I've kept a food log, though, I've realized just how much I really DO eat, which is kind of scary. All the snacks and handfuls add up. Keeping a food log really always has helped me to eat less, even when I didn't have any dietary goals in mind. I always liked Lose It! when I had an iPhone. Something about the social aspect made me feel competitive, which has always increased the amount of effort I put forth, sadly. Anyway, all that to say, you're doing great - warm weather is coming up, so it'll be a lot easier to be active, and in general, people eat less in warmer months anyway, so I bet you'll notice a lot of success in the next few months. I personally think you are simply amazing!

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